


Relax, Pal

by Nonfigurativt



Category: Horrotale - Fandom, Undertale
Genre: Alcohol, Body Horror, Cigarettes, Death, F/M, Fluff, HorrorTale, I'm Sorry, Mating, Mating Bites, Mating Bond, Mating Cycles/In Heat, More tags will come soon, Rating: M, Romance, Soulmates, YOU FUCKING KNOW IT, hhhhh, i guess, kind of dark???, mentions self harm, nicotine addiction, no ones going to die though, undertale - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 15:39:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 84,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16349453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nonfigurativt/pseuds/Nonfigurativt
Summary: When you first lay eyes upon him, you're not sure what to feel. He is terrifying, you feel the need to hide. But after seeing him from time to time, you see past the first dangerous aura he emits, and you soon develop a little crush.Then he finds you staring, and you get encouragement to finally talk to the guy.‘Hey, I’m sorry I called you a whore, but uhh… you’re my soulmate? And I’m literally so unloveable so… Good luck with that?





	1. Library Date

**Author's Note:**

> Just something fun I wanted to write, put in some headcanons here and there. Enjoy fellas, may or may not continue? Depends on if people actually like it or not.

«She’s Staring At Us Again…»

«Just ignore it, like always.»

 

The surface life was something else. For starters the air was fresher, there was an actual sky above their heads, the sun shone and gave life to the earth. There also seemed to be slim to no shortage of food. In comparison to the life underground, it was an improvement, at least when it came to certain things.

One of the many things that made life difficult, were the inhibitors. Humans, that is. They were everywhere, and they weren’t keen on sharing their resources, at least not with other species it seemed.

Even if humans and monsters lived in ‘peace’ now, there still existed those people that meant monsters were the scum of the earth. Monsters, who’d always known, and remembered the existence of humans, hadn’t been as surprised to see them.

Considering they knew the appearance of both the insides and outsides of them.

But then there were humans that’d openly gawk at them, like this one human that was currently staring them down.

There was no way of telling what their intentions were, at least not from the look indicated on their face. Be it genuine interest, or a look of distaste and utter hatred, it didn't matter.

 

«But She’s Always Staring At Us! Every Time We Come Here, She Just Looks At Us!»

«I told you, ignore it.»

 

The public library, open to all, humans and monsters alike. It was always considered a public space, no hate, it simply existed to share knowledge. However, it took everything inside him to not go over to their table and tell them off for always staring.

They were often visiting the library, a safe place to take a breather and enjoy a good book, to relax in silence. Yet this human, who’d started showing up every single day of the week apparently, and they always sat in close proximity. 

And they were always staring.

Sometimes they’d look down in a notebook, write a bit, or they’d look at their laptop and type. They had often wondered what interest they could possibly have in them, what they were writing. But they were mostly just annoyed by the stare at this point.

They never really returned their stare, sometimes shooting a look over their shoulder to check if they were still staring, which they often were. 

 

«I Can’t Ignore It Anymore! The Human Obviously Wants To Talk To Us Or Something!»

«Bro, ignore it. Don’t stir anything up. Y’know how humans can be.»

 

Humans could be so cruel.

He had luckily never encountered a human who had dared to even try fighting him above surface. Too frightened of his appearance. They could barely stand to look at him for more than a second before turning their gaze away, fearing for their life.

Even if humans never loudly voiced their opinions to him, he still overheard passing comments.

How utterly disgusting he looked. 

The comments hurt his brother, and he’d had to console him on more than one occasion after he’d overheard it.

While he had just rolled with the punches. He had a big fucking, gaping hole in his head. He was partially blind and while his other eye light tried to make up for it in size he still looked terrifying with one empty socket. He had several nicks and scars, and huge sharp fangs. An abomination really. Even if he was a monster.

He often found himself agreeing to the comments being sent his way. Hell, he even sometimes called himself the exact same things. 

Hideous, ugly, nasty.

That’s just what he was, not much he could do about it. Plus, it’s not like his personality even made up for it. He was just awful in every fucking way.

 

Someone not even his fucking soulmate could love. 

 

If he ever even met them, which was highly unlikely. None of the monsters underground had been his, which meant that they were either dead, or a human. Which would make the hunt for his love impossible. 7 fucking billion human beings, too many people which were spread too far apart.

So he’d completely given up on that. He’d entertain himself, but even he could not fucking love himself. He was detestable. Overly disgusted with his own appearance, his own mannerism, his own thoughts and actions.

If he was healthier, he might have bothered to take a fucking shower, but as of now, he ignored even the simplest of personal hygiene. He couldn’t even be bothered to get out of bed unless he had to go to work or food.

But he often ate in bed, if the crumbs that bothered him in his sleep were any indication. Much to Papyrus’ displeasure. His room could be considered a health hazard, which said a lot about him. His room was almost a perfect portrayal of him, a disgusting filthy bastard who’d let himself go.

 

«Honestly! If You’re Not Even Going To Let Me Talk To Her About Her Rudeness, I’m Leaving!»

«Paps… I told you, we can’t afford to stir shit up with humans…»

«Fine! I’ll Be On My Way Then. Get Back Safely, Okay?»

 

Papyrus pushed himself off the table, bringing the book he’d found with him. Sans found himself grimacing a bit, he was beyond annoyed now. 

The humans staring had to fucking stop, or he’d make it stop. He was definitely not above dusting someone’s ass, he knew how to hide the evidence if needed. But as things were right now, he knew way too little about the human and their connections. 

Which is why he opted for a more… Pacifist? Way of showing his annoyance. His godawful appearance would frighten them off. Which is why he now turned to glare them down.

As always, they were just simply staring, directly at him, without a care in the fucking world. 

It made his magic broil inside him, the little he had at least. 

Sending them a dirty look, which would have scared off any sensible human, he waited for their reaction. Instead they tipped their head to the side a bit, continuing to stare, as if they were deciphering a puzzle.

So, she was fucking testing him? Was that it? 

For some reason, he continued to stare her down. 

Her true frame was concealed under a large grey hoodie, her legs covered by the desk in front of her. The desk was cluttered, in an organized mess of her things. Her laptop, phone, headset, notebook, pens and paper strewn about. If not for the fact that he knew she was there to gawk at him, he would’ve thought she was studying.

Then he met her gaze yet again. Which is when she jumped a bit, and looked away. She tousled her hair with her fingers, and tried her best to look at anything other than him. Letting out a triumphant huff, he finally let himself get back to reading his book.

Not that it was a particularly interesting book, he’d picked it up because of the title and cover. It held a pretty cool concept, but it was so poorly executed that he was close to giving up on it. Diving straight back into the book, he tried to continue to read where he’d left off. 

Only to be completely confused. He had completely lost the thread, and couldn't remember any of the previous sentences he’d read. Which meant he’d had to start over yet again. With a grumbled groan, he turned back to page one and started anew.

As he started to read again, he passed sentence after sentence. But, he was way too distracted, he couldn’t get a single word into his head. Rereading the same sentence over and over, the words looked jumbled, and didn’t make any fucking sense.

So he gave up, at least until he could concentrate yet again. Which is why he found himself staring at her yet again. This time, when he caught her stare, it looked as if she’d gotten caught red handed for her staring and she had the audacity to look away as if she was embarrassed.

At that he scoffed. So the second he return her stares she dares look embarrassed? If he’d known earlier, he would’ve stared at her sooner. At least that would’ve helped the other times she’d shamelessly been gawking at them.

How did it feel to get a piece of your own medicine?

Her eyes were glued to the screen of the laptop. Hands running through her hair, and he wondered a bit if it was a nervous habit or if she was trying to hide in her own hair. Still, it was pretty amusing to stare at her discomfort.

She was typing, almost erratically. It was so quick, he was starting to think she was just key-smashing to keep herself distracted. But this staring battle wasn’t going to end anytime soon. Oh no, he wouldn’t be satisfied until you were so uncomfortable that you’d leave and never come back.

So, he studied her face. She looked like a regular human. Full of skin and all. 

Honestly, he didn’t see the appeal, but he guesses that she must at least be somewhat attractive to other humans. Not a lot of visible acne, which apparently was a ‘bad’ human trait. Though the reason why that was bad and considered unattractive was beyond him. From his understanding there wasn’t much one could do with it, aside from eating healthy and drinking water, but then again it could still appear.

She was wearing a bit of makeup, which he’d been told by other humans was to hide flaws, or enhance their natural beauty. He didn’t really understand why it was so common to wear it, the purpose lost on his behalf. Probably because he didn’t wear it himself. Even so, her makeup was simple, yet very fitting.

So he guesses she must be considered a bit attractive at least?

It looked as though she was very uncomfortable under his gaze, squirming in her seat. Hiding her face in her hands, she appeared to be taking a couple deep breaths, as if to calm herself. Good, this meant that she’d probably leave him be soon.

Which is when it happened.

She finally met his sight again.

Instead of looking away yet again, her gaze lingered, before she did the oddest thing.

 

She smirked.

 

Her face looked full of purpose and intent. The alluring nature of her eyes held a somewhat pride in them, almost mocking him. It could only be described as flirty and teasing. Shit, had it looked like he’d been checking her out?

That had definitely not been his fucking intentions, he felt himself somewhat panicking on the inside. Her previous stares had no intentions behind them, like she could’ve cared less. But now she looked almost full of herself as she was sending him a knowing flirtatious smirk.

But he didn’t fucking know, he had never ever had anyone flirt with him. All the monsters underground were terrified of him, as was the humans on the surface. This was unfamiliar territory and he didn’t know how to act. 

 

He didn’t react, he felt stuck.

 

Which is when she tilted her head, a gentle smile taking over her face. She let a hand run through her hair, looking away for a second before she returned her gaze. It seemed like she was waiting for his reaction to this first connection, yet he couldn’t find himself to do anything.

Should he send her a smile back? Wouldn’t that mean he found her attractive too? Did he find her attractive? Was he really going to flirt with this human? 

A million thoughts were flooding his already cluttered mind, so he did the only thing he could do to escape the situation. His attention was now solely focused on the book on the table in front of him. He picked it up, clutching it close. 

Books, even if he had difficulties managing to get through it’s entirety, was a comfort. Just paper and ink, definitely no flirty looks that made him uncertain to the verge of panic. There was no way he could read it now, but it felt good focusing on something else.

Daring to look back, he saw you packing up your things. 

Thank the stars above, she was finally leaving!

If she’d stayed, he would’ve had to left himself. Though he’d never admit, he could feel his soul pulse a bit. He blamed it on the panic of being in such a strange situation, he couldn’t help but stare at her form.

That’s when he knew someone ethereal hated him.

She was wearing a really short black skirt, most of it hidden under the hoodie, but that wasn’t what had caught his attention. No, someone definitely hated him, because here was a flirty human, who’d annoyed him for weeks, wearing some black thigh highs.

 

It was his fucking weakness.

 

If there was anything that could rile him up, it was that. Worst part? She was wearing it so well, it suited her look, her body. And now that she was standing he could finally see some of her frame, and those curves did not go unnoticed.

 

At that moment he couldn’t possibly hate himself more than he already was. She was attractive, a fucking human. A human that had been staring at him for the past weeks. Him!

 

Hideous as he was, this attractive human had actually given him a second glance, sent him a flirtatious smiles. His soul was in utter turmoil, he was so unprepared for this that it hurt. He probably smelled like fucking death, looked like utter trash, and she had fucking smiled at him!

Then there was the fact that he hadn’t even reacted to her attempt at flirting. He’d probably made a big fucking fool of himself, and she’d probably taken it as complete and utter rejection. Kudos to him for messing it all up with probably the only person alive in the entire world that held a somewhat interest in him.

As he was continuing to beat himself up, he suddenly smelled something. Something very… Delicious? No, something wonderful. 

 

«Hey.»

 

This wasn’t fucking happening. He’d probably fallen asleep reading that boring book, he was sure he was dreaming. Because the human was standing next to him, within close proximity, yet out of his personal space.

It was as though someone had poured glue down his throat, he couldn't speak. The human looked at him with interest, studying him up close. He was almost certain he was hallucinating at this point, and he felt like tugging at his already fucked up socket.

She raised her hand, attempting to greet him. But all he could do was fucking stare at her. He couldn’ t move, he felt what little magic he held flare up. She was dangerously close to him, yet so far away.

Seconds passed, and she lowered her hand, her smile vanishing. Suddenly she looked a bit nervous, less confident. He was already kicking himself over for not greeting her, like a fucking pussy. Her smile, which had seemed so hopeful, was gone.

 

«I’m uh… Sorry for staring? Uhm… I- sorry.»

 

The confidence was depleting, he needed to react and fast.

 

«I’ll be going- again, sorry.»

 

Turning, she was about to leave. He wasn’t done with her just yet, so he did the first thing he could think of. He opened his stupid fucking mouth.

But the only thing that came out was a fucking squeak. A squeak! 

This wasn’t a fucking dream, it was a nightmare. He, the big bad Butcher of the underground, who’d killed and threatened like it was the easiest thing in the world, had just squeaked in the presence of the cutest fucking human he’d ever seen.

 

«What?»

 

She turned, which was good at least. He just needed to ignore the fact that he’d fucking squeaked, and it’d be all good.

 

«Did you say something?»

 

The befuddled look seemed so cute on her. 

There was just so many things he wanted to say at once. ‘Im sorry, I didn’t mind you staring’, ‘I’m Sans, nice to meet you’ and ‘You look kinda cute’.

What came out however, was a fucking execution.

 

«Im Sans, I’m staring, kinda sorry, you cute.»

 

If he could dust from embarrassment, he would have right then and there. He sounded like a fucking fool, but how could anyone fucking keep their cool around someone like you?! You’d openly flirted with him. 

HIM.

Of all the people in the fucking world!

 

The undignified snort she let out had his soul almost spasming. As cute as it was, he knew it was at his expense. He’d just openly confessed to staring at you, that he wasn’t fucking sorry about it, admitted to you being cute, and now you knew his fucking name!

He was so fucking humiliated, he wanted to perish.

 

«Nice to meet you too, I was kinda staring as well. Not really sorry either.»

 

Shrugging, she let out a somewhat giggle, and pulled up a chair seating herself at his table. She was so fucking close now, and he was dying. Not literally, but he was close. She smelled like, something wonderful, yet he couldn’t really pin down what.

At least you weren’t leaving, but at the same time, he wanted her to leave forever. He was so fucking embarrassed he could feel himself flushing. He was so unfamiliar with flirting, so he was relying completely on her to carry the conversation.

 

«So uh… I’ve seen you around the library, you like to read?»

 

Was that a fucking joke? 

She was constantly staring in their general direction, so why was she trying to deny it?

Maybe she was as awkward at flirting as he was?

He fucking hoped so, because this was utter torture.

 

«You kind of stare a lot.»

 

No! No, you fucking fool! He had called her out on her lie, and he’d openly admitted to noticing as well. He wanted to become a hermit, even more so than he already was. Pap made enough to support them both. He could choose to never work again, and just dust away in the safety of his room.

 

«Oh, I kind of… Dissociate? Is that the right word? Anyways, I kind of just stare out into the air sometimes when I write. Sorry if I offended you, that hasn’t been my intention at least.»

 

Oh… Of course, that’s why she looked so uncaring. She wasn’t even fucking paying him any attention. Well, at least she’d seen him around, which meant she had at least actually looked at him… a couple times.

 

«No skin of my nose… Kinda no skin at all, or nose…»

 

The laugh that followed was like music to his non-existent ears. She’d laughed. At. His. Joke. He was certain he was practically glowing right now. His cheekbones felt like they were burning. She was destroying him, inside and out.

 

«Heh- you’re quite the comic Sans!»

 

Then she gasped wide eyed, before erupting into a fit of giggles. Some passerby's shushed her, and she held up a finger, clutching her side. He was so confused right now.

 

«Oh my fuck, comic sans, a font pun! I’m, heh, so sorry.»

«You like puns?»

 

Drying off a tear that was running down her cheek, she tried to calm herself to the point where she wouldn’t continue her fit. Her face was so perfectly flushed, she looked adorable. Giving a slight nod, she took a couple breaths. In addition to probably being the cutest human on the planet, she liked puns.

 

«Yeah, I guess they’re pretty humerus, tibia honest I haven’t heard a good one in the phalangest time.»

 

Responding with a couple puns was good, right? He hoped so.

 

«No fibula? You should see me at the store, no one can stop me! My puns are real rib ticklers. Sometimes I make strangers in my radius laugh too.»

 

He couldn’t help but chuckle. This entire scenario was just so stupid! Here he was, with his previously assumed stalker, who turned out to be a cute pun-loving airhead, joking with him! What a fucking day to be alive.

The conversation was also flowing a lot better now as well, she was so easy to talk to.

 

«I would make more bone puns, but I’m not too familiar with them.»

«It’s fine, I’ve heard most of them anyways.»

«Yeah, well, I’m kind of the type that has to have a visual to learn things. Mind giving me a biology lesson?»

«Sure, I could give you some pointers, there’s-»

 

Wait.

 

Was that a suggestive question?

Were you suggesting you wanted to see him naked?

You? A human, and him?

 

«That might’ve been a bit too forward, huh?»

 

Words right outta his fucking mouth. You had no business making him feel like this. Especially making him actually consider it too. 

Sure, you were cute and you liked jokes, but really, he knew nothing about you. And here you were, serving yourself on a fucking gold platter, thighs spread.

Had you no fucking shame?

For starters, he’s a fucking monster. Secondly, he’s a fucking awful person. He’s by far one of the ugliest monsters in existence. Thirdly, you said you wanted to fuck him after only just meeting him.

 

«Sorry, I just think-»

«You’re a fucking idiot.»

«I beg your pardon?»

 

He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but he was growing kind of annoyed.

 

«I literally just fucking met you, human.»

«You don’t have to do it, if you don’t want to but-»

«You can’t just go around offering sex, what are you, a whore?»

 

He had definitely not meant to say that out loud. What you did was your business, not his. But he was, for some reason, undoubtedly angry about the fact that you were offering to fuck him. Something about that had just made him so furious, be it if you were toying with him for shits and giggles, or if you just went around offering your own body like it was nothing.

 

«Seriously? Are you serious right now?»

 

You looked like a mix between anger and confusion. He’d just called you a whore. To your face. 

 

«You can’t just go around calling people whores, what are you, a fuckhead?»

 

Yeah, he’d fucked up. He’d dug his own fucking grave.

 

«You were the one that fucking offered!»

«So-fucking-what! It’s my fucking body. Sue me for thinking you look cute, too bad your personality fucking ain’t!»

«I ain’t fucking cute, you shithead!»

«Just because you got self esteem issues don’t give you a freebie to shit on others, you know?! You can always say ‘no thank you, I’m not interested’, instead you had to be a fucking dick about it.»

 

Who the fuck do you think you are? He admits, you’d kinda pinned the needle on the head. He hadn’t needed to act out, he’d been surprised, confused, and it’d made him angry.

 

«Forget it, you’re clearly not fucking interested. Consider the offer withdrawn forever. Ugh…»

 

His soul was aching. He hadn’t meant to piss you off, but people generally disliked being offended. He just- he didn’t want you to hate him for some reason. He didn’t want you to leave either. He was just so confused and he didn’t know what to do.

One second he can’t stand you, the other he doesn’t want you to ever leave his line of sight. It was like he was at war with himself, and no one was winning. 

Usually he’d have been able to decipher the situation and assess it properly, but he just, didn’t know what to do. His soul was acting strange, he couldn't think straight, and he felt itchy all over. Putting two fingers into his empty socket, he tugs harshly.

Not enough pain to distract himself.

Another harsh tug, and he feels a piece of bone fall off, before turning into dust. The pain is awful, but at least it’s distracting him. He’s about to tug again, or scratch off more bone, when he feels a hand on his.

He hadn’t noticed that you’d gotten so close while tried to distract himself. He had practically no depth perception, yet it was no excuse for not being able to hear you move.

Your face was full of worry, or at least he thinks it is. Holding the hand he’d used to tug at his socket, you hold his firm in your warm, soft hand. It felt like silk. But before he can say anything, you dive straight into your bag with your free hand.

Pulling out a ball.

For some reason, you looked a bit victorious at that, as if you weren’t expecting to find it. Handing him the ball, he takes it in his free hand, and look at it. What the hell was he supposed to do with a soft ball? As if you could read the confusion on his face, you decide to help him out a bit.

 

«Stress ball. Squeeze it.»

 

Hesitantly the decided to squeeze it. Nothing really happens. He’s still stressed, and the ball is just a ball.

 

«As many times as you want.»

 

Squeezing the ball a couple more times, he’s starting to wonder what the effect is supposed to be. Why is he squeezing a ball? Why is he squeezing it more? What is ball?

 

«Some call it a stim toy, it’s to distract you in a way. I use it when I’m really stressed, and when I need to focus. It’s good to keep your hands occupied when you’re stressed.»

 

So you’d picked up on the fact about how stressed you’d made him? It wasn’t all your fault, he’d done this to himself. He could appreciate the sentiment at least? But now he became hyperaware by the fact that you were still holding his hand.

 

«That looked painful, are you hurt?»

«It’s uh… It’s alright.»

 

Humming in response, you stared at his empty socket. Had he stopped tugging not too long ago, he might’ve had a sliver of a chance to regain sight, but he hadn’t. It was humiliating. Not only had he offended you, but he’d showed himself in his absolute worst light. Good thing you’d withdrawn that offer forever, he didn’t fucking deserve it.

 

«I can go grab an infusion? I think they sell healing water in one of the vending machines?»

«No it’s… It’s okay.»

 

Here you were worrying about him. He’d made you worry about him, like he actually fucking mattered. He was scum. He didn’t deserve to fucking live, yet here you were, offering all sorts of things to please him.

For…

For some reason that sounded kind of nice. 

What if he’d actually agreed right away to your offer? 

Would you actually have gone through with it?

 

«Then I insist you have some of my Cinnabunny. I bought it just before I came here, so it’s pretty fresh. I know it’s supposed to have some healing magic in it, which should help.»

 

You had no idea. You had absolutely no idea what that meant. He was sure of it, but some part buried deep down was telling him that you not knowing was irrelevant.

Offering sex, offering comfort, and now practically offering a proposal to top it off?

Food wasn’t scarce on the surface, not everywhere at least. But back in the underground, offering food, your own food, was like proposing your undying love for someone. You were so willing to share, with him, of all the sentient beings in the world!

His soul beat against his ribs, and he wasn’t sure what to do. You didn’t know what you were doing, you had moved through so many steps of how monsters usually courted each other that he might get motion sick.

Had he been able to sense your soul, like back when he had stronger magic, he would definitely have taken a look at yours without you knowing. For some reason, he had a feeling there was just something more to you.

 

Magic had been difficult for the starving monsters. Especially when it came to the senses of romance and soulmates. If you really wanted to know who your soulmate was, you practically had to kiss them. One couldn’t go around kissing everyone they met, but at least it confirmed it.

He needed to kiss you.

But then again, there was the fact that you were a human being. Humans didn’t particularly enjoy being kissed by strangers, with the infliction that the opposite part was just wondering if they were their soulmate. And you didn’t know what all those things meant to him.

 

A Cinnabunny was presented to him. 

 

«Here you go, it’s really good!»

 

You smiled at him. 

 

Stars above, what was he going to fucking do?

If he accepted the food, he was basically accepting your proposal. If he bought it off you however, it wouldn’t count though. But his thrumming soul told him to accept, because, what if you were his soulmate?

He’d had crushes before, but nothing was comparable to this.

Squeezing the hell out of the stress ball you’d handed him, he tried to think it over, rationally. Make a plan at the very least.

 

«I don’t know if I should accept it, I don’t deserve it.»

 

Even if he was satisfied with that answer, his soul disagreed with him on every level. It told him to at least kiss you before he could make up his mind. He looked at your lips. So plump and kissable. They’d probably feel even better than your hand, even softer.

Sweat was forming, and he continued to squeeze the ball harder as his entire focus was on your lips. If he kissed you, and you turned out to not be his soulmate, how would he justify it? He couldn’t. But if he did, and you were his soulmate, how amazing wouldn't that be?

 

«C’mon, please? You’re hurt, and I don’t like seeing people in pain. I might be a lot of things, but I’m not that petty when it comes to things like this. I stressed you out, and I offended you. Vice versa, so the way I see it, I-Uhh… Could we have like, a do-over?»

 

Poor choice of words, now he couldn’t help but think about doing you over. He’d never had these urges, but right now he was trying his best to avoid them at all costs. He needs to know, he needs to know so he can know if he’s finally lost the very little sanity he had left, or if you’re actually his soulmate.

 

«Kiss on it?»

 

Okay, that was a bad fucking reply. He did not deserve your kindness, not at all. He just needed to know, were you his?

His. All of you.

Because if you were, he’d never let you go.

 

«And you call me the whore…»

 

He heard you mutter, and he knew he’d fucked up. He would spend eternity paying you back, right now he just needed you to kiss him.

 

«I’m sorry.»

«Yeah, I’m sorry too. Do you actually want a kiss or?»

 

There was nothing else he could ever possibly want more. He needed to know, so he could accept your proposal, so he could heal, so he could spend the rest of his miserable life making it up to you.

 

«More than anything.»

«Needy much?»

«You’re the one that wanted the do-over, who’s to blame me for wanting one too?»

«Hm… Touché, but you’re not getting anything more than a kiss.»

 

That’s all he needed.

He just needed to know.

You leaned forward a bit, so close to his face, he felt eager, giddy, and anxious. 

What would he even say if you were his soulmate?

‘Hey, I’m sorry I called you a whore, but uhh… you’re my soulmate? And I’m literally so unloveable so… Good luck with that?’

No, it was so dumb, he wasn’t even registering what was happening.

 

Feeling your hot breath on his face, you were so close.

 

All focus was on your lips, and he could almost feel them. 

 

Just a ghost of a kiss was made, before you’d leaned back looking smug, and presented something in your hand. 

A little tear drop, covered in aluminum foil.

 

«Here you go, a ‘kiss’. Just like you asked.»

 

What?

You let out a small giggle at his expense, he must’ve looked entirely befuddled. You were basking in his embarrassment, and had it not been for the fact that he was so confused, he would’ve pushed you away and left.

 

«Hershey’s Kiss to be specific. Chocolate. It’s good I promise.»

«So… What?»

«Did you honestly think I’d just kiss a stranger? Not only am I sober, but we’re at a freaking library.»

«But you-»

«The offer was just a pick up line, I was kind of just hoping for you to get a bit flustered? And potentially ask me out? As I said, I’m sober and we’re in a library.»

 

Now it made sense. 

It hurt like shit, but it all made sense.

Humans were so fucking cruel.

 

«It’s funny that you think I’d want anything to do with you, human.»

«What?»

«You were just trynna get a rise out of me, toy with the promise of sex, gain bragging rights or something. You’re despicable.»

«Woah, back up a second. Did you not hear me saying I was hoping you’d ask me out, or? Has anyone ever flirted with you?»

 

He froze. 

No.

No one had ever flirted with him.

He was hideous, he was terrifying.

Monsters and humans alike hid from him. Sometimes even going through extreme measures just to avoid him at any and all cost. Some guy had ran across a very trafficked street, getting hit by a car, just so he didn’t have to be close to him.

No one had ever tried to flirt with him, no one had ever had a crush on him, no one had ever had any stronger feelings towards him than indifference.

 

«Uh… Seriously? Nobody? Not even other monsters?»

 

The look you gave him seemed so… sad. Almost heartbroken. Like you actually, genuinely felt sad that no one had ever expressed romantic feelings for him. It made him feel as though he should feel bad about it. He never had before.

In this world, he knew he was unloveable. Yet here you were looking at him as though he was supposed to have had people fling themselves at him. His quietness was apparently a dead giveaway.

 

«That… Kind of explains a bit? But really though… That’s kinda sad. Well, if I have to explain my intent then so be it. Sometimes when people are really interested in someone, they can lay it on a bit too thickly, sexually at least. I’m sorry if it seemed like that was my only intention. I just wanted you to know that I kind of want to go on a date with you?»

 

Laughable as that was, he couldn’t do anything. For some reason, far beyond him, you’d been interested in him. ‘Why?’ was a question he asked himself. Why would any reasonable, sane person want to date him? Out of everyone in the world?

You could do a whole lot better.

Hell, you could date a fucking rock and be doing a whole lot better!

Anyone and anything but him!

 

«Do… D-do you want to go on a date? W-with me?»

 

Wow, he sounded so fucking nervous. He fucking stuttered! He never stutters! The shock was just… Taking a big toll on him.

 

«Yeah. Like I said, I’d love that. You’re kinda cute, you seem pretty interesting, and even if we decide that we don’t match, you’ll still have the experience from a first date. Think of me as a starter point, I’ll help you set a certain standard. Besides, it’s not every day I get to be someones very first date!»

 

The smile you gave him was so sweet, yet the meaning behind your words were… Something else really. Not only had you said that you’d ‘love’ to go on a date with him, that you find him cute and interesting, but that you’d set a ‘standard’. As if you expected him to gain some form of experience he could use on a later basis.

As if you were actually expecting him to be able to score another date in his fucking miserable existence. He was a dangerous killer, he was a murderer. The only way someone would ever be able to love him was possibly through some fucked up Stockholm Syndrome scenario.

Yet. Here you were.

Eyes bright and shining, a smile on your face. A warmth, like rays of sunshine, yet so much more. You were confident for starters, that much he’d learnt, if a bit shy to begin with. You were truly something else.

Anything he could ask for in a soulmate, and so much more. He was at a point were he firmly believed that even if you might not be his, he’d still find a way.

 

«Since it’s going to be your first date, I want to do something really nice. I’m thinking casual, since, well, I prefer it at least. Hm…»

 

Deep in thought, he wondered what you were thinking of. Of course something related to this ‘date’ the two of you were apparently supposed to go on. 

Casual. What did a casual date involve? Something effortless he assumes, yet everything that he associated with a date seemed too much of a hassle. There was the fact that personal hygiene needed to be up to standard, if not even more so. Then there was the fact that you needed to dress nice. Then there was every dialogue that needed to be filled in with meaningful words. Even the bare minimum seemed like too much. 

 

«How about dinner and a movie? I can cook something for you, and we can watch a movie, all at my place. We won’t need to dress up or anything either. Casual.»

 

You said it with a smile, as if he wasn’t already thinking about everything he needed to do in order to prepare for that. You might’ve voiced it as if it was effortless, but really, it was just so much he’d need to do in order for that to happen.

Worrying about all the effort he needed to go through, he didn’t notice how you’d started fiddling with your phone.

 

«Here, just put in your number and I’ll send you the address and time. As I said, casual, no need to dress up or do anything more than bringing yourself over. A date doesn’t have to be expensive, or make you feel nervous as shit. It’s supposed to be a meet-up between two individuals that just wants to get to know each other better.»

 

Though you’d worded it as something that would take zero effort, he definitely knew a whole lot better. Did you really think this was effortless or had he seriously become so detached with the outside world that he really honestly believed it to be hard to shower, dress up and show up?

Unfortunately, he had to agree with that last statement. Functioning people would think of those actions as a bare requirement or functioning every day, yet he was so out of it he couldn’t even do that. Damn, if you only knew how much you were apparently roasting him and his lax lifestyle.

 

«It’ll be fun, don’t worry. I know I might talk big, but I swear, I’m all bark no bite. I hope I haven’t scared you off? You can always say you’re not interested, won’t hurt my feelings or anything, we just met.»

 

Hah! You scary? That was a wild statement. You looked like a big wimp, really. Sure, you might’ve thrown him off his game, but really, you, scary? 

Then again, you had just given him a way out. If he did say ‘no’ right now, there’d be no bad blood between the two of you. He could always just, not talk to you. Ever again. 

But then there was the ‘what if’ of the manner. What if you really were his soulmate? What if his instincts, deeply buried within his soul, was actually telling him that you were his soulmate, and he was just reading it off as nervousness?

If you were his soulmate, would you even accept it? Humans couldn’t see their own soul for starters, and needed aid pulling it out. To them, the only knowledge they had about souls was in a more spiritual sense. Like a level of sentience.

And even if that was true, souls were an actual physical thing. If he told you, he’d not only be breaking the unspoken rule monsters had agreed to, about not showing magic to the humans, but you’d probably think he was insane.

It’s not like he’d actually pull out the poor soul from your body, it was only meant for fighting or well… Something he wouldn’t like to think about with you so close. All in all, he’d need your trust before even pulling something like that, which he was certain he didn’t have.

Not only would you have to believe in souls, but also the concept of soulmates. That was a pretty long ass stretch.

 

«Deep in your thoughts huh?»

 

Shit, had he not responded to you?

 

«Uh… Well, sure.»

 

Grabbing your phone, he punches in his number, and almost tosses the phone right back at you. He was so out of it, he didn’t know what to do. This seemed like such an out-of-body experience that he honestly thought he might be hallucinating.

Never had someone dared to speak to him the way you did, he was dangerous. Either you were a huge fucking hornball with a monsterfucker fetish, which you’d insisted you weren’t, or you were an actual idiot that couldn’t read the vibes he was giving.

As you took your phone, you happily typed away. And then he felt a vibration in his pocket. So, you’d actually sent him a text. He didn’t even dare look at it, right now he was just looking at you.

You seemed so content, so happy. It made his soul flutter a bit.

At this point he didn’t even matter if you truly were his soulmate, he wasn’t going to let this opportunity go.

 

«There, number, name, address and time, you got it all! If you still don’t want to go, or want to reschedule, just shoot me a text. As I said, won’t hurt my feelings too badly if you say no.»

 

There it was again, he had a way out. You gave him a way out. If he chose to say no, but something had sparked inside him. He didn’t want to say no, for some reason he actually wanted to go through the effort of actually going on a date with you. 

For some reason he actually felt like showering, cleaning his clothes, get enough rest to not look like a total fuckhead. What the hell were you doing to him?

Previously the life of a hermit had been so appealing, yet now he felt like doing all these things for you. To manage his existence, to actually live. A spark of hope, that life wasn’t going to be so bad if you were there by his side.

The two of you had only just recently talked, and he was already thinking about spending the rest of eternity with you. Yeah, he admits it, he’s finally lost his mind.

 

«Sounds nice.»

 

It honestly sounded so fucking nice.

 

«Good, is there any food you dislike? We can just eat pizza, but I don’t know… You got any food allergies?»

«No. No food allergies.»

«Oh! That’s good, means I can get creative. You got a favorite food? I’m not a chef, but y’know, I know what food isn’t supposed to taste like.»

«Anything really.»

«You sure? Then I guess it’ll be a surprise. You like horror movies or?»

 

Horror movies? In all honesty that was the genre he preferred, mostly because it was often so predictable. Sometimes it was even funny, it was so stupid. It was just so unrealistic most of the time, that he found it hilarious. He didn’t want to risk laughing at it while you were there.

But he kind of enjoyed the idea of you holding on to him for comfort. A jump scare and you would be clinging to him like a life line. Now that was something he could get behind.

 

«Yeah… Horror movie sounds good.»

«Great! You ever seen The Cabin in the Woods?»

«Nah, seen lots of old ones, had to catch up on all the classics first.»

«Ah, I see. Well, this movie is as stereotypical as they come. Got a couple jump scenes, from what I remember at least. But it’s nice really.»

 

Well, he could definitely handle that. He could handle a lot. He’d seen a lot worse in real life, he’d lived it. Not that you knew, monster had sworn secrecy of what had happened beneath the mountain, no one knew that he’d killed and eaten human flesh.

Speaking of human flesh, you had really nice skin.

You just sat there smiling at him, and you looked so sweet. You had no idea what you’d gotten yourself into. You were so innocent, at least you looked the part. He felt kind of bad if he was being honest, he was lying to you. At least it felt that way.

 

«So, I’ll make sure my roomie is out, but you might get to meet them. Don’t worry though, they’re really nice. She’s really sweet, but easily spooked. So, if she gets really shy or quiet around you, I hope you don’t get insulted. She dislikes meeting new people.»

 

So someone would definitely notice if you were missing. That was… Oddly enough it made him frown. He wanted you for himself, yet he had to share you?

 

«It’s not that she’s racist or anything, it just takes some time buttering her up.»

 

Bad choice of words really, thinking about buttering up your roommate and eating her flesh was… Well now it seemed a bit appealing. Not that human flesh was that tasty, it was just a bit addicting. Hunting down your own prey, and then eating it. 

He liked hunting. He liked knowing where his food came from. It was like an adrenaline kick, made him feel like it was worth living. But now he had a new reason for his miserable existence.

 

«It’s okay, I’m kinda scary to most people.»

«Really? You don’t look that scary?»

«Have you not noticed that I’m a skeleton, with a big ass hole in my skull?»

«Of course I have, I’m not blind. But you don’t look all too ‘scary’, like in the sense of ‘aaah! that guy is gonna kill me!’, more like ‘aaah! that guy is so handsome’. If that’s what you mean?»

«Handsome, now?»

«Yeah? Isn’t that kinda obvious?»

«No.»

«Well you are. Are you just fishing or do you honestly think you’re not handsome?»

«Fishing?»

«Fishing for compliments. Even so, I’ll give you all the compliments you deserve.»

 

Okay, now he definitely knew something was off about you. He, handsome? Yeah, something was definitely wrong with you. Should he call off everything? You weren’t all there apparently. But then again, neither was he.

He didn’t deserve anyones compliments, he was downright hideous. But was it really so bad to indulge on this stupid fantasy of yours? If he’d ever have a sliver of romance in his life, this was it. This was his opportunity, probably his only one.

 

«I should probably head off soon though, got work, luckily it’s only stocking.»

«Stocking? You work at a supermarket?»

«Oh no, I’m a beautician, for some reason our delivery was delayed and we’re getting it at 5 PM, instead of 12 AM like we usually do… Some major fuck up that may or may not have been my fault, which is why I have to be there to help.»

«So, beautician? That mean you just sit there looking nice or what?»

«Heh, no, I distribute makeup, sometimes applying it on customers. Sparkle up their day and whatnot. I like making people feel pretty. Had a lot of customers with self confidence issues swing by, and sometimes just a little bit of pigment helps. No ones ugly, not by any means, but sometimes people can use a little help finding their outer natural beauty.»

 

You beamed at him, and he wondered a bit. ‘No ones ugly’, did that really include him? You had told him you thought he was handsome, but he knew it was a lie. He was ugly, not much he could do about it. Yet here you were, gorgeous as sin, and you told him that you’d thought HE was handsome. 

Implying that you were attracted to him.

Of all the fucking things in the world.

Him.

 

«Like, many people have told me, they don’t think they are pretty. But they are, they’ve just been condemned by societies stupid beauty stigma about how you need to look a certain way in order to be attractive. To hell with that! A persons uniqueness is what makes them, well, them. You, are what makes you beautiful.»

 

At that he couldn’t help but snort. A beautiful vision true, but the big pair of rose tinted glasses you apparently had stitched to your skull was just too amusing. People are ugly, hell, he’s the living fucking proof.

Though the look you gave him was, different. You looked kind of insulted?

 

«What?»

«Now look lady, it’s cute that you think that there doesn’t exist ugly people, but, there does. I know for a fact that there does. Ain’t nothing wrong with being ugly either, but people are ugly.»

«Mmm… I beg to differ, ugly means unattractive or unpleasant, at least by textbook definition. I can guarantee you that there’ll always be someone that can find one attractive. Considering everyone has their different opinions, beauty is someones personal perception. Therefore there’ll always exist at the very least one person that thinks you’re pretty. Therefore, I’d say you can never truly be ugly.»

«Really now? So you seriously don’t find people unattractive?»

«Oh, well I can find people unattractive, but that doesn’t mean they’re ugly. As I said, its all about how you personally perceive someone. But then there’s the societal beauty stigma that condemns everyone that don’t look a certain very specific way. Makes a lot of people think they’re ugly, when in reality that’s not really a thing.»

«You know you’re kind of contradicting yourself?»

«By saying I can find people unattractive and yet say that no one’s ugly? Yes and no, but does my opinion really matter in the long run? Who knows, all I know is that I like what I like.»

 

Fair enough, but then again, he supposes that you must at least have some form of deranged ability to even say he’s attractive. Who knows you could be lying to appease him, and the date could very well be some form of cultist meeting.

Now that he’s thinking about it, that might just be it. Perhaps you were looking to sacrifice someone to a cultist god, and perhaps he was the sacrifice. Or, maybe you were racist extremist and this was you walking him hand in hand to his final death sentence.

Plausible worst case scenarios aside, you’d seemed pretty genuine. What were the odds of that happening? Who knows, he didn’t like to dwell on it too much.

Previously he’d been considered a brilliant mind, a genius. At a young age he’d been granted PhDs in Astrophysics, engineering and the like. Now he could barely remember to wear shoes when he was going outside. Perks of having a hole in the head, he guesses.

It had gotten a lot better though, if he was being honest. The only thing that had significantly worsened had been his eyesight after surfacing. 

Back on track, you actually seemed like a genuine, honest person. That somehow intrigued him. But he was still waiting for that kiss though.

 

Looking at the watch on your phone, you let out an annoyed groan.

 

«Shoot, have to go. I’ll text you, see ya!»

«See you…»

 

You abruptly left your chair, leaving hurriedly with a sprint in your step. He was watching your leaving form, and he started feeling emptier and emptier. But before you were out the door, you turned around and gave him a wave, with a big smile on your face.

‘Cute’.

Because that’s just what you were. You were just a really cute person.

Not only did you smell absolutely wonderful, but you had a very nice voice. Your smile was by far the best one he’d come across, and to think, he’d made you smile. He’d even made you laugh!

He wasn’t even going to go into the details of your body, yet again. Everything about you was just… So nice, so totally contrasting him in every form and shape. 

And you were so kind! 

You were everything he wasn’t, and it made him envious and ashamed. But for some reason, far beyond him, you liked him. He liked you. You both thought the other was attractive. Was it too far fetched to believe that you might be his soulmate?

A long time ago, when he wasn’t… This, he’d longed for his soulmate. When he had more power, before the food shortage, he’d tried snooping around the underground for his soulmate. He’d been so hopeful.

How did they look like? Where they big, small, short, tall? Would they smell nice?

When he’d finished his search, finding no one to match his soul, he’d broken down. He must’ve wept for days. Uncontrollable sobbing, he didn’t have a soulmate. He’d been heartbroken over someone that just didn’t exist.

Why would they even exist? He didn’t deserve anyone. He’d wronged the world, over and over again. Yet he sometimes found himself imagining them. A mate who’d just make everything wrong, right. 

Someone to hold him when he woke up in the morning. A snuggled up form, resting close to him. Sun light peering through the window, signifying it was early and that they were safe on the surface. He’d gently kiss them awake, holding them close. Then they’d wake up very sleepy, smile and kiss him ‘good morning’. 

Then they’d start touching him in all the right places, making him feel good. But not starting anything, just toying a bit, making him want more. Teasing him, but never going all the way. They knew they had to wake up, but they wanted to stay with him for as long as possible in the warmth and comforts of his bed. Just teasingly and slowly playing with his spine. Before he’d get to agitated and filled with lust that he just needed them. 

Of course it’d eventually result in some morning sex.

 

Was it so wrong that his fantasy now suddenly involved you?

 

During the hunger crisis, he’d hadn’t delved into those thoughts. He’d turned so bitter. He was glad his soulmate didn’t exist, he was glad they weren’t there. If they weren’t dead already, he hoped they were enjoying every bite of fucking food they got.

He hoped his soulmate got to eat every day, unlike him. If they dared waste food, he’d probably choke the shit out of them. Everything counted, every single fucking bite. If his soulmate wasn’t fucking eating when they had the opportunity or tossed away food he’d beat them.

Who the fuck did they think they were? Eating every single fucking day?! 

Why hadn’t they found him yet, why hadn’t they saved him from this pitiful existence? Why hadn’t they helped him, why had they let him fucking starve?! Why hadn’t they been there, through the worst period of his life.

 

Why hadn’t you been there when he wanted to fucking die? Why hadn’t you helped him when he was starving?

 

When he’d surfaced, he’d been faced with new thoughts. 7 billion people, and somewhere out there was his soulmate. They did exist, but they might as well not have, because there was no way he’d ever find them.

For some reason he’d completely detached himself from the concept of having a soulmate. It was simply impossible finding them. He’d completely given up, not even bothering to search for them. If they even wanted his ugly mug, they’d have to find him.

So why was it some small part of him that wished that… You were that person?

That begged him to get him to kiss you, steal a kiss if he had to, to figure it out. 

The little time the two of you had spend together, had probably been one of his happiest moments on the surface. He might be delusional, but for some reason he had a feeling that you were his. His soulmate.

 

When the two of you would meet again, he’d get that kiss. He needed to know. Were you his?


	2. 'First date'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler alert for the movie "The Cabin in the Woods"
> 
> (just so yall are aware… also, its… a bit explicit, yea)

Here he was, standing right outside of the cursed door. Not that the door had really done anything, it was just a door. However what lied beyond it was uncharted territory. Who knows what lied beyond this very door? 

The door itself was all kinds of normal, a simple white, wooden door. There was a dull, plain ‘welcome’ mat on the ground. A sign on the right side of the door, containing the number of the apartment. The floor number, 4th floor, and the number of the last apartment on this floor, 3rd. 

A building from the 1950’s, rather old, but renovated to keep up its beautiful facade. A gorgeous stone staircase, yet no elevator. He was glad he could at the very least still use shortcuts, with how fucked up his magic had become. It had made the ascension a lot easier, and didn’t leave him out of breath.

Instead of doing what he think any other regular person would, and knock on the said cursed door, he just stood frozen in his spot. Who the fuck knows what lied beyond this door? He prayed to whatever entity might be listening that it wouldn’t be too challenging on his behalf.

 

Because he had agreed to this ‘date’. 

 

He regretted every part of it.

 

~*~

 

When he’d finally decided to leave the sanctuary that was the public library, he’d gone straight to his room and hadn’t responded to any of his brothers pleas to get him outside, at least to eat some dinner.

No, he hadn’t been hungry, not for the first time in forever.

His thoughts had kept him stimulated, as if he’d fed too much.

Lying in bed, thinking about how he could have made such a stupid fucking decision. At some point he’d tried to convince himself that you were a mage, even though he knew they had all perished with time. How else could you have made him do this? Agree to this?

Tossing off his hood, he’d just lied in his bed. Comforted by the softness, darkness, and the silence. It felt like a fever dream, so unreal. But he knew very well, that he could definitely not have imagined it, he didn’t have such an elaborate fantasy.

So he knew it was real.

To some point at least.

Opening the message you’d sent him, he kept staring at it, over and over. Confirming that you had indeed sent him a message, with a date, time and an address. Including your name. He kept saying your name out loud, over and over, until it sounded weird.

Even if he’d met some humans, they hadn’t shared your name. He didn’t know if it was common or not, if it was unique or not. It seemed to suit you though. Like someone had created you after deciding on a name. Trying to fit you to look exactly like your name.

It was a really cute name, it was very fitting.

But he knew he couldn’t just focus on your name, even if it fit you oddly well. No, right now, he was in deep shit and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Where was he even going to begin on this extensive shit-show? 

Some part of his mind wanted to focus on the fact that you had even asked him out, while another part wanted to make him think about his already deep hatred for himself. But considering he needed to focus on what was going to happen, instead of dwelling on himself and the past, he tried to think about what to do.

Considering he was in fact going on a date.

His very first date.

That was in fact, based on the assumption that he might be able to go on more dates. Laughable as that was, he couldn’t help but feel a stupid glimmer of hope, deep within his soul.

You’d looked so… Well, you’d acted as if he was going to be able to go on more dates. And somehow, it made him a bit… happy? No, who was he to deserve that. He was a fucking freak, and whatever interest you’d held him would fucking evaporate the second he opened his fucking mouth again.

The way you’d planned it, a dinner and a movie, didn’t actually sound that bad. He’d get food for starters, which was always good. Would you think him disgusting? He wasn’t human for starters, he didn’t have a stomach, plus he’d been told he had terrible eating habits and no table manners at all.

Who could blame him though? He saw food, he ate it. You couldn’t afford to be picky or take too much time eating back in the underground. If you were picky, you were dead. Easy as that. If you took too much time to eat, someone might notice and snag away your meal. He ate like a starving animal, and sometimes, he felt the part.

Stars, was he really getting anxious over the fact that he had to eat in front of you? He’d never done that before, he didn’t care what people thought of him, because he knew he was a stain on this otherwise ‘perfect’ little planet.

No, maybe he needed to focus on what you might be cooking. You’d mentioned pizza, hadn’t you? Or was he imagining that part? But also that you might get creative. What did that mean? That suddenly the food would spontaneously combust? 

He hoped that you’d consider infusing it with magic. It was scarce, and rather expensive, but at least he’d get some energy to fuel his magic from it. Not that it mattered too much, he could eat regular ‘human’ food as well. Heh… ‘Human’ food. He’d had to adapt, force it all down. 

Then again, were you a good cook? Not that it mattered either, he could eat whatever. As long as you didn’t serve pebbles, he’d probably be able to eat it. Flavor didn’t matter anymore. He’d eaten so much terrible food that he almost couldn’t tell the difference anymore. Pasta was under- or overcooked? Who fucking cares, food is food.

 

Still, he couldn’t help but actually grow hungry. He’ll fetch some food when he’s done wallowing. 

 

But, what if you were a good cook? What if he showed up and you were dressed in a cute, pink, frilly apron, not only serving looks, but mouth watering food? Freshly baked goods, juicy meat, a nurturing meal. Fuck, he felt himself drooling a bit.

Then came dessert, and there’d be a huge thick chocolate cake. A sweet treat, so thick and creamy. You’d tell him to enjoy, take a step back and just let him indulge on the deliciousness. At first he’d try to contain himself, as to not embarrass himself in front of you, but then the tasty treat would make him fucking lose it, and he’d shuffle as much of it into his mouth as possible, not even caring a bit about using his phalanges for the process.

He could feel his soul beat harder in his chest, and for some reason he grew warmer. Wait, what the actual literal fuck?

Who the fuck- how the fuck?!

He was getting turned on by imagining eating a fucking chocolate cake. Okay, he needed some food, duly noted. He also jotted it down as weirdest mental boners he’s ever had. Who gets fucking turned on by cake? No, his hormones are just running wild.

It usually happened a couple weeks before a heat, as a ‘warm up’ of sorts for the actual thing, but this was ridiculous. He must be really fucking lonely to even think about eating a cake and getting all tingly.

If anything, he should’ve been thinking about you. At least he could fuck you.

 

That made him, kind of stop.

 

Did he even want to fuck you?

Sure, he’d established that he thought you were cute, but honestly, were you ‘fuckable’? Well, technically you were. You had some sort of genitalia, although he wasn’t really sure about which? Genders can be… tricky. You can’t just go around asking people what their genitalia looks like and define their gender, solely based on that. Some humans thought they could, but he knew that he fucking shouldn’t.

Especially considering how fucking annoying it was when people dared ask him, or rather, talked about it in front of him. ‘Do you think that skeleton has a dick or?’ Oh, how he wished to crunch that idiots head between his hands. Wouldn’t be too fucking hard either, he wasn’t a weak fucking human.

Whatever genitalia he may or may not fucking have, didn’t fucking matter.

Not like he mattered either, but that was besides the point. The point being, that humans are shitty. 

Though… You didn’t seem all that shitty? He didn’t really know you well enough to form a proper opinion, but thus far you’d been… Actually, seemingly nice. For a human at least.

Not that monsters were any better, they’d fight and kill each other for scraps of food. Sometimes not even over food, sometimes just because they needed some outlet to remove all the pain. Then came the monthly executions, to remove monsters that apparently ‘didn’t matter’ anymore, just to keep the population down.

But he wasn’t going to get into that heavy pile of shit for now. There were other things he needed to deal with.

So, besides the fact that you’d cook for him, and he felt the need to read up on some table manners, and other appropriate etiquettes, there was the fact that the two of you would be watching a movie.

Now, you’d mentioned a horror movie. He doesn’t really remember the title of whatever film you mentioned, but he doesn’t really remember a lot lately. Perks of having a big fucking hole in his head, and other traumas.

Life’s shitty that way.

At least he hopes it’ll be a good one, if he’s seen it before then there’ll be no surprises. At least then he might be able to just lean back and finally relax. Take a breather or something. He’s probably going to need it.

He just hopes you’ll make good conversation and not force him to talk all too much. Keeping up a conversation can be very tiring, at least on his part. Sometimes he’ll just zone out, or forget things mid-sentence. Entirely distracted by his fuzzy mind.

There’s just too much going on at once sometimes, and he needs a fucking break.

At least he won’t need to talk to you during the movie. That’s a perk. Or maybe you were the type to talk during movies? That’d make him very distracted and unable to focus on the movie. What if it was an actual interesting film? And there you were trying to tell him about your day?

That means he’d have to shift his focus, from one important thing to another. There’d be too many details to keep up with, and he’d just mess shit up. Damn. For some reason, he really didn’t want you to think that he wasn’t focused on you, and that he didn’t want to be.

Because really, he did want to focus on people when they talked, even if they weren’t telling him anything important. He knows his brother had wanted him to see a ‘professional’ about it, at least to get some help with his traumas, but honestly… What’s the point?

Some day he’ll die, miserable and alone, and for a while he’d been content with just that. He ain’t going to miraculously become neurotypical, he ain’t just one day going to wake up and suddenly have zero problems in the world.

No the world is a cruel and harsh place, and he’s been dealt the worst fucking cards. All he can do is play and hope that no one can see he’s bluffing his way through it all.

Though, you’d kinda noticed when he wasn’t feeling all too good, hell, you’d even seen his unhealthy coping mechanism! 

Embarrassed as he was, that you’d seen that shitty anxious side of him, he buried himself deeper into his covers. There was just- for some reason when you saw it, it fucking mattered. He didn’t want you to see those parts of him. He didn’t want you to see him as a screw up.

You were wearing some heavy, thick rose tinted glasses, and he was hoping that they’d been duck taped to your head. Even if he felt shitty about his behavior, you still had the decency to try to make him feel better. Sure, it was stupid of you to even try, but it still… Felt somewhat good, that someone, somewhere, thought that he shouldn’t jump off a cliff the instant they met him.

He knew all too soon, that you’d grow tired of him. That at some point you’d rip off those glasses and finally see him, like the rest of the world did. A royal fuck up. That’d sure as hell hurt, when the time came, but he’d entertain himself meanwhile.

He just felt the need to keep those glasses on, for as long as he could.

Which is why he couldn’t screw this ‘date’ up.

Present himself in the best lighting he could manage. Which meant that he’d need to eat, which he was going to really soon, shower, and put on some actual clean clothes. At the very least, wash those he was already wearing. 

It was a ‘casual’ thing after all, no need to dress up. Not like he even owned a tuxedo to show up in either. You’d probably scream bloody murder if he showed up in a full suit, flowers in hand, so anyways.

No, he’ d just clean his usual get up. It was good enough. At least he hoped it was? What if you were there wearing really nice clothes, and he seemed like he didn’t care by showing up with what he usually wore?

Wait, why did he even care about that?

Why did he feel the need to impress you, he didn’t know you. Even if he did, why would he even wear nice clothes. He never felt the need to dress up. Not for anything really. Yet here he was.

 

«Sans. Could You Please Stop Sulking, And Come Eat Something? This Isn’t Like You…»

 

Shit, he was already making Papyrus worried. He was hungry now, even if he hadn’t been. He realizes that yes, he did need to go eat. But he was just so worried about everything when it came to you. 

You were… An anomaly. A pleasant one. 

A life of your own, with work, friends and probably lots of other social things involved. If he actually found you nice, and you for some reason beyond him, found him nice too, and the two of you stated actually dating… Would you start dragging him to these social conventions?

To most, really everyone, he was frightening. Hell, sometimes he even managed to scare himself just walking past a reflective screen. If he for some reason decided to waltz on into the bathroom, he never even dared look in the mirror. Why would he? He was just constantly reminded of how he’d turned into some rotten, ugly version of something that someone, at some point long ago, could maybe consider attractive.

 

«Sans. Open The Door. We’ve Talked About This… If There’s Something Bothering You, We Need To Talk It Out. You Can’t Just Shut Yourself In Like This…»

 

What was the point?

One day he’d die, turn to fucking dust, and no one would miss him. Maybe his brother would, but really, he’d probably get over him at some point. There’d be no reason for him to feel distraught whenever he had episodes, or didn’t clean, or functioned above the bare minimum.

 

«Please Sans… Don’t Shut Me Out Again…»

 

Fuck… He was really hurting his brother, and all he could think about was dying. Yeah it was probably for the better if you never wanted to see him again. He should just text you and tell you to leave him the hell alone. But, he’d already hurt you.

He’d already made you feel terrible, and he really didn’t want to. What the hell were you doing to him?

 

«I’m coming Paps…»

 

Fighting to get out of the comforts of his bed, he managed to make his way to the door, separating him from his brothers worries. He didn’t want his brother to worry about him. He was supposed to be the older brother, he was supposed to take care of him. Yet here he was, not functioning at all and just isolating himself from the world.

Opening the door, he found himself staring at his distraught brother. Stars, that stung. He never meant to make his brother feel bad. 

 

«Sans… Eat, And Then We’ll Talk.»

«… okay.»

 

Letting his brother lead him to the kitchen table, he tried his best to shove away all the self hatred and the thoughts of you. What the hell did you even see in him anyways? What did you see, that apparently none of the rest of the people in this very universe didn’t?

If it hadn’t been for the impossibility that you were his true soulmate, he would’ve… Thought you were. He only knew of one other monster who’d found their soulmate, and that had been after a year of searching and traveling, seeking out as many people as they could. 

But what if… You were his soulmate? 

At this point that’d have to be the only logical explanation to this madness. You were the only human who hadn’t ran off in the other direction when you saw him, and certainly only the only other person he knew besides his brother, that actually smiled at him. And it had been a genuine happy smile.

Feeling himself heat up a bit, he slumped in his chair, until Papyrus placed a rather large serving of spaghetti in front of him. Unfortunately, there was no meat in it.

With the craze of ‘vegetarianism’ among the humans, his brother had soon joined in on it. Probably made him feel a bit less guilty about eating humans or whatever, but really. He just wanted to bite down on a big, fat, juicy steak. Was that too much to ask?

Even so, he never said no to a meal. Worst case, he just waited for a bit, like now. He hadn’t accepted the food you’d asked him to eat though. No, that was your food, and if he were to accept it, he’d accepted you courting him…

Which you kind of already were, but at a human pace. 

The human pace, was… Well a lot more his pace. It was slow and could drag on for a while, and it at least gave him some time to think shit over. Monsters were a lot quicker, yet not as quick as you’d been with him the first time he’d actually talked to you.

 

«So… Are You Going To Tell Me What’s Wrong?»

«‘m still eatin’…»

«I Know. I’m Just Worried About You. You Seem Distraught. Did Something Happen After I Left?»

 

He could say that again.

 

«I kinda… Talked to the human that’s always staring…»

«Oh No! Were We Banned From The Library?»

«No…»

«Well… That’s Good. What Did They Want?»

«I-uh, they weren’t actually staring at us for starters… Turns out they were just spacing out and we were just always in their line of sight.»

«Oh.»

 

Oh indeed. He let himself wonder for a second, what if Papyrus had actually talked to them? Would she have asked him out instead? Were you just settling for the ugly brother, as a way of getting closer to Paps? 

Maybe… 

 

«And?»

«And what, Paps?»

«Did They Have Anything Else To Say? Or Did You Do That Thing, Were You Just Scare Them Off?»

«I didn’t-» Well, he’d meant to, but that was besides the point, «No. I didn’t.»

 

Papyrus was staring at him, trying to get a read off of him. Trying to solve him like a puzzle. He didn’t like keeping secrets from his brother. He’d told him everything, he should probably tell him about you too.

 

«She’s… Actually really nice? We kinda joked for a bit,» Until he’d screwed up, «And she actually kinda…»

«Actually Kinda What Sans?»

«She might have, kinda, sorta, asked me out…?»

 

Papryus’ jaw went slack. Staring open mouthed and rather surprised at him. Yeah, he knew it was a fucking miracle, and that it seemed entirely unreal. But here he was. Defying the laws of nature.

 

«SHE ASKED YOU OUT?!»

«Uh… Yeah?»

«AND WHAT DID YOU SAY?!»

«… Yes?»

 

Papyrus abruptly rose from the table, and left the room. Shit… He was sweating in all sorts of weird places. He was really warm, really sweaty, and he was overall uncomfortable. Maybe he should have just kept his mouth shut. But then, he wouldn’t have been fair to his brother.

A triumphant screech and loud thumping was heard. He was really worried about his neighbors complaining. Paps was really loud, and this sounded like an elephant had taken residence in his apartment. 

The slam of a door made him jump a bit, and he tried his best to seek comfort in this food. Ugh… At least it didn’t taste half bad and was nourishing…

His brother returned and he heard something fall on top of the dinner table. A book? Reading the title, he saw it was named ‘Dating for Dummies’. As if that book could even help him, the dumbest fucker on the planet.

 

«We Need To Prepare You For This Date! Where Are You Taking Her!»

«She- she kinda invited me over for dinner and a movie. I’m not taking her anywhere…»

«Oh. So She’s The Dominant One? And Here I Thought You Were The-»

«It’s not like that with humans Paps. I know I’m the strongest out of the two of us, but that shit doesn’t mean anything to them. Hell, if it did she’d already have asked me to become engaged to her!»

«She Offered You Her Food?»

 

Fuck, he hadn’t really meant to let that slip. Paps knew how to court a monster, hell, every monster did. But the only experience he had with humans, probably came from that very book. Even so, his brother was already beaming at him, overjoyed.

 

«Aw! That’s So Cute Sans! She’ll Be A Great Mate, I Know It!»

«I didn’t say shit about her becoming my mate. I didn’t accept the food.»

«Why Not?»

«She doesn’t know what it means, I couldn’t accept it.»

«Yet… She Invited You Over, To Her Den, To Eat Her Food, That She’s Making For You? Sans. Sounds Like You’ve Already Accepted Her.»

«I didn’t! It’s normal for humans to do that shit, food ain’t everything to them. If not, she wouldn’t have offered.»

«Sounds To Me Like You’re Just Ignoring Your Feelings. Sans, Its Okay To Want A Mate.»

«But I don’t fucking want a mate!»

 

Slamming his fists on the table, he heard the plates and cutlery chirr. He was panting, he was pissed off. His own fucking brother, who knew him real well, thought that he, the most disgusting creature on this planet, deserved a mate. 

 

«Sans… Calm Down. I Will Not Help You If You’re Going To Act Out Like This.»

«I don’t need any help, and I don’t need a mate. I don’t need shit.»

«Your Self Deprecation Isn’t Going To Do Anyone Any Good, Not To Me, Not To That Human, And Certainly Not You. You Need Help, But I Can Not Help You If You’re Going To Act Like This. You Understand That, Right?» 

 

He did. He obviously fucking did, but he hated it none the less. He needed help, and he knew the only person in this world that would help him, was his brother. Taking a couple shaky, yet calming, breaths, he slumped back in his chair.

When had he stood up?

 

«So. Is She Attractive? I Mean, Do You Find Her Attractive?»

«I don’t know. She’s cute, I’ll give her that, and she’s probably attractive by human standards-»

«Not What I Asked, But You Still Gave Me An Answer. Thank You. You Already Told Me You Think She’s Nice. Nice How? Now, You’re Going To Have To Tell Me, And I Know Its Uncomfortable On Your Behalf To Talk About This, But.»

«I… She was just, nice? I kinda… Stressed out I guess, and she tried to calm me down…»

«Did You Do The ‘Thing’?»

«… Yeah.»

 

The ‘Thing’ of which his brother was implying, was that he’d tug at his socket whenever he got stressed out. Of course he’d embarrassed himself by doing it in front of you, but at least you’d been… Nice about it. You hadn’t told him off or acted disgusted, more worried about his health than anything. You’d even tried your best to calm him down. So yeah, nice was an adjective that fit you well.

 

«She Did Not Freak Out?»

«No, she uh… Tried to calm me down? Even apologized for stressing me out so…»

«Aw… Sans, She Does Sound Very Considerate And Kind, Did You Thank Her?»

 

He… Don’t really know. Did he thank you? He don’t think he did, but maybe. The memory of you has turned kinda blurry at this point. He hopes he did, but knowing himself, he probably didn’t.

 

«Well Then, Do You Know Any Of Her Interests?»

«Uhm… I guess she likes writing?»

«Did You Ask Her About It? If Not, Then That’s A Topic You Can Elaborate On When You See Her On The Date. Anything Else?»

«She… Oh- She got a terrible sense of humor. She likes puns.»

 

At that his brother sighs. Of course. Papyrus did like puns, but after an overdose of it all, way back when, he grew pretty tired of them. At least now he seemed to have found someone that shared his terrible sense of humor.

 

«At Least She Shares Your Dumb Sense Of Humor Then… Shared Interests Are Important. Anything Else Or?»

«Not that I can recall, sorry.»

«That’s Fine. I Guess I’ll Just Need To Figure Something Out…»

 

Even though he’d seen you, just a few hours earlier, the whole memory of you was starting to get blurry. He had a general gist of you, he couldn’t really forget you, but there was still small details that seemed to escape him. He knows at some point, that he insulted you, and you kind of snapped, but eventually forgave him.

The words that had been exchanged however? Really hard to recall those. It’s not like he didn’t want to either, it’s just that, there were so many words that were exchanged. A terrible trait really, especially if you were to enter a relationship with him.

Not very likely, he’d probably ruin this first date somehow and never speak to you again. His soul ached at that. Somehow, even the thought of losing you hurt.

This was one of the few times someone, aside from his own brother, hadn’t been repulsed by him. And it was the very first time someone had expressed a romantic interest in him, and it freaked him out. He didn’t want to screw up this one chance.

 

«So, You Don’t Know A Lot About Her-»

«Sorry…»

«Don’t Apologize. It’s Not A Terrible Thing, This Way You Get To Learn So Much About Her. Don’t Think Of It As A Date, Think About It As A Way Of Getting To Know Her A Little Better.»

 

Strange, for some reason, he felt like you’d said that. That the point of this first date, was to getting to know each other better. Maybe you did say it- no he was sure you had. He was also pretty sure you’d mentioned some kind of job?

 

«I think she works with makeup?» 

«Makeup? Is She A Model? Does She Sell Makeup? Create Makeup?»

«I think… She sells it? She said something along the lines that…»

 

That no one’s truly ugly. That there’ll always be someone out there that’ll like you and find you attractive. It was kind of, reassuring?

 

«That… Uh, never mind. She uh, she called me… Handsome and cute though?»

«Genuine Compliments? Oh, She’s good… You Might Be Dealing With A Dating Expert Here, Alas, Have No Fear, I’ll Help You Get Ready! She’ll Be Your Mate In No Time!»

«But…»

«But?»

«What if she doesn’t want to be my mate?»

«NONSENSE! Sans, She’d Be Lucky To Have You! You’re Strong, You’re A Boss Monster, And You’re-»

«Paps, this is a human we’re talking about… She doesn’t know about all that.»

«That You’re Incredibly Powerful? That You Were Given One Of The Highest And Most Honoring Titles? That You’re Strong Enough To Fend Off Any Other Suitors And Threats? Sans, What Did You Even Talk To Her About?!»

 

Sure, he was considered quite a ‘catch’ at least by monster standards. He was one of the few monsters who hadn’t been so terribly affected by the hunger, magic wise, and he was still incredibly powerful. He was a boss monster, true, and he could definitely protect his own.

Even so, even if he was naturally the best potential mate, at least to monsters, he was extremely intimidating. Not only was he incredibly hideous, he had a bad temper, and to top that off a strength unmatched by any other monsters, aside from maybe his brother or the Queen. No one dared even think about wanting him as a mate.

 

«As I said, she’s a human. She doesn’t know squat shit about what happened in the underground, and she can’t read me the way other monsters can. All she knows is what she can see and what I tell her.»

«And You Didn’t Even Mention The Fact That You’re Able To Fight Her Enemies?»

«Paps… That’d probably scare the shit outta her. Most humans are pacifists, or at least steer away from violence. If I told her I’d kill her enemies, she’d probably have called the cops on me, and we really don’t want that.»

«Fine! Human Courting Is So Strange…»

«Tell me about it… If I’d gone with all her unknowing proposals we’d probably be mates right now.»

«WHAT?!»

«Well, apparently sometimes they propose mating as a way of flirting? And just offers food, completely unknowing what it really means… I have no idea what I’m getting into, I need to read up on shit…»

 

He honestly really did. He knew the basic gist of it, but he needed to calm his nerves. He really didn’t want to screw this up. 

Then there was the potential of you, maybe, even being his soulmate…

 

«She uh… Don’t freak out, but what if she’s my soulmate?»

 

Watching his brother suddenly go completely silent, frozen in his spot, he began to worry. Had he really stepped out of line? He didn’t want to keep his brothers hopes up, but what if?

 

«Did You… Kiss Her?»

«Nah… She… Gave me this? Said it’s called a ‘Kiss’…»

 

Digging through his pocket, he found the little piece of chocolate covered in foil. Putting it on the table, he presented it to his brother. The second his brother leaned in to inspect it, he felt himself instinctually wanting to fend off this little gift. Which was stupid really… It was just a little confectionary. But it was still a pretty sweet gesture.

Heh…

‘Sweet’.

Even so, he didn’t want to lose this gift that you’d willingly given him.

 

«Its… Called A Kiss?»

«Uh, yeah?»

 

His brother rather quickly pinched his nasal bridge and let out a big audible sigh. What now? Did Papyrus not like the fact that you’d given him a gift instead of a kiss? Or was he suddenly disapproving of this potential… relationship?

 

«Yeah, You’re Probably Her Soulmate. Only Someone With As Terrible Humor As You Would Give Such A Gift. A ‘Kiss’… Seriously Sans, She’s Made For You.»

 

Oh, right it was a pun. He hadn’t really laughed back then, considering he’d felt kind of ashamed and confused, but right now? It was the most hilarious thing ever. You’d literally given him a fucking kiss! 

Letting out a rather disgraceful snort, he couldn’t help himself. It was silly really, but also terribly sweet. You were just a big dork! How could he even find himself intimidated by you? 

 

«Stop Laughing! I Just Know I’ll Have To Listen To The Two Of You Make Bad Jokes The Rest Of Eternity!»

«I- heh, I can’t, heheh! You’re right,»

«Of Course I Am. I Knew It Was Too Much To Hope For That Your Soulmate Didn’t Share Your Terrible Sense Of Humor, But Here We Are!»

 

Indeed. He felt his skull heat up a bit. It was just so cute. You were so fucking adorable. Everything about you was just… Perfect. You were kind, funny, you didn’t take shit, you had a rather lovely body, and just… You were just so… Good.

The complete opposite of him.

She deserved better.

She deserved someone that was healthier, someone who wasn’t a fuck up. Someone that went along well with her looks. A human.

 

«Sans… You’re Frowning.»

 

Was he?

 

«She’s just… Everything I’m not. How can I even… I don’t deserve to even be in her presence.»

«Sans, Listen. People Don't Deserve People. People Deserve Love, Happiness, Someone That Cares For Them. Out Of Everyone, I Think You Deserve That The Most. If She Makes You Happy, Then I Say Go For It. Hearing Your Description And The Way You Talk About Her, She Makes You Happy. Just… Be Yourself, And It’ll Work Out.»

«Thanks Paps. It probably won’t but, here’s to blissful ignorance of the consequences that’ll be sure to follow…»

«You’ll Be Fine! I’ll Be There To Help! Now, Let’s Start Reading This Book!»

 

~*~

 

He still hadn’t knocked on your door. How could he? Even after the motivational speeches his brother had held for him, he was still so fucking nervous. What would he even do when you opened the door?

Just say ‘hi’? No, a greeting should probably accompanied by a physical gesture too. Shake your hand? No, that was just fucking stupid. Hug you? Probably, but what if you didn’t want to? Or he hugged to lightly and seemed uninterested, or hugged you too hard and seemed too fucking interested?

Was it too late to turn around and leave? 

Probably not.

Oh shit.

Shit.

He’d unconsciously knocked on the door. Abort fucking mission, he needed to leave right now. He was having a nervous breakdown in this narrow hallway, and he hated every second of it. He heard something, or rather someone, move inside the apartment. 

Fuck, okay. He was doing this. He could do this, probably. Maybe. 

 

No, he fucking couldn’t.

 

But alas, it was too late. You’d unlocked the door and was now peeking into the hallway. A curious glance over his form. Then a big smile erupted on your face, and he felt some of his worries wash away. You were happy to see him!

 

«Hey! Come on in! I’m so glad to see you again! I know it’s only been like, three days but?»

 

They shrugged and let out a short giggle before fully opening the door and stepping out of the way. No, he really couldn’t do this, you were just too cute. And you were making him so fucking flustered, his cheekbones were probably glowing already.

Then he noticed the smell. 

A truly wonderful, mouthwatering smell. Holy fuck, something smelled delicious. Not only did this apartment smell like you, but it also smelled like food was cooking. Meat. Sauce. Something else. He wanted to drool, but he knew he probably shouldn’t.

The human shifted from one foot to the other. They were correct when it came to a casual look. Just a simple form fitting top, and some jeans. But fuck if she didn’t look gorgeous right now. No makeup, at least not that he could tell, and some of your hair was pulled back, showing your beautiful face.

You were so pretty. Your ‘casual’ look still made you look like a flawless being.

Opening up your arms, he recognized the gesture as an invitation to a hug. Letting himself move a bit mechanically, he actually accepted the invitation and hugged you. Damn. You were not only the smelling terrific, but you were sinfully soft as well. Your cheek gently touched his cheekbone, and a ghost of a nuzzle was made.

Right now? He was sure he’d died and gone to heaven.

 

«Did you have trouble finding the way?»

«Uh… No.»

 

Good, he managed to respond. At least me managed to talk while his body was on autopilot and his mind was a scrambled fuzzy mess.

 

«Oh! That’s good, most people usually have some trouble finding the way. But that’s probably because my directions suck.»

 

They shrugged and moved further into their apartment. He followed at a safe distance. The smell only grew stronger, and he grew hungrier as he neared the wonderful scent.

When he finally got into the kitchen he saw you bending down to stare into the oven. Tilting his head, he got a really good view of your ass. Fuck, that was one good ass. Wait- shit, he can’t stare at your ass!

His gaze shifted and he tried to look anywhere but directly at you. Huh, your apartment was…Something. A very minimalistic style, lots of grey, blue, white. Some potted plants here and there. Your kitchen was actually sharing its space with the living room. 

A big blue couch, with lots of pillows and blankets. It looked really comfy. And then there was the tv. It was huge. One of those televisions you’d spot at electronic shops, drool after, hoping that you’d once own something like that, but never actually buy. So you must make plenty of cash. 

 

«I hope I didn’t go too overboard. I know this was supposed to be casual, but I kinda… Wound up making something that seems fancy. It’s not really though! It’s just… A fillet, some root veggies and uh… Sauce. Yeah.»

 

Were you actually embarrassed about feeling like you’d gone over the top? He didn’t mind. You could serve him a single raw potato and he’d thank you. This however, was something else. Had you wanted to impress him? He hoped you did, this was just… So cute. So thoughtful. So sweet.

 

«I don’t mind.»

«Good… There was a sale at the butchers, and I was just passing by. Thought it’d be perfect, I did tell you I’d get a bit creative. Plus I like knowing where my food comes from, organic products are usually pretty expensive, but… Sometimes it’s alright to splurge a bit, I guess.»

 

Moving yourself into the fridge you seemed to be searching for something. 

 

«You want something to drink? I got wine, red and white, beer, soda, water, some juice? Oh! And don’t worry, I have some of that magic powder thingy to make an infusion, if you’d like. Got some a few months back, heard it was supposed to help cure hangovers, and what do you know, it does.»

«That’d be the healing magic.»

«Yeah, so, what’chu want?»

 

Honestly, you had presented him with way too many options. He didn’t really know what to pick, were you going to have alcohol or not? Would it be weird if he did? He knew human alcohol was a bit stronger than monster alcohol, he didn’t want to get sloshed. But he also needed something to calm his nerves.

 

«’s whatever.»

«Ait, beer it is. My brother is a beer fanatic. Not an alcoholic, for the record. He just likes taste testing them. Recommended this brand to me, and so far? Not disappointed. Not too strong flavor, I prefer ones with a lot of wheat. Weissbiers and the like.»

 

Pulling out two bottles, you placed them on the counter before finding some glasses on the top shelf. Sure, you weren’t that short, but you still had to stand on your tippy toes to reach them. That was actually kind of cute.

As you poured the beer, you tipped the glass to the side. Then at the end you turned it upright and let it form a foam layer. Strange, he thought, it seemed like it was almost a technique? Was it? Then you moved to another cabinet, retrieving a familiar box.

‘Magic Powder’ indeed, and from the looks of it, a really high end expensive type too. Were you really that loaded? He wasn’t sure, all he knew was that he usually only used that brand for special occasions. 

Pulling out a table spoon, you took a topped spoonful and poured it into the glass. Mixing it gently together to let it dissolve. Fuck, that was a big amount of concentrated magic too. He’d feel really rejuvenated at the end of this. Did you not care about the expenses, or did you just not know about the amount of magic you’d poured him?

 

«Here you go! I’m no expert when it comes to magic. It’s really cool that magic exists, like especially considering it’s food!»

 

Right, you didn’t know that magic wasn’t just food, but other things as well. He kind of wanted to tell you, but how could he? He’d be breaking a law.

 

«Oh! The veggies are done! Great, now I just need to slice the meat and… I’ll be done!»

 

Did you just voice out loud what you were going to do for him, or? Even so, how delightful.

At the other side of the apartment he could hear some shuffling and a door quietly opening. Were there someone there? Had you mentioned that someone would be there? He thought back, trying to remember your previous conversation.

Yeah, there was someone who’d be there. You’d definitely mentioned someone. He heard a set of pats, moving towards him. Shit, who did you mention was going to be there? A friend? Your brother? No, no there was someone else.

 

«Hey hon! You leaving?»

 

‘Hon’? Was this a potential threat to his date? Feeling himself almost starting to growl, he quickly dismissed it when a really short girl entered. She was wearing really big clothes that really didn’t fit her, almost drowning in the material.

She took one look at him and yelped, backing into the wall. See, that was a normal reaction to seeing him. Her eyes darted between you, and him. She looked very alarmed and sickly. Until she let out a loud screech like a fucking banshee. 

Fuck, he hated screamers. 

You let out a little scream yourself, a result of the sudden loud noise. You turned to look at her, as she sank to the ground, trembling with fear.

 

«Holy fuck! I’m holding a goddamn knife! You can’t just scream like that! Did you hurt yourself honey?»

 

Plunking the long, sharp chefs knife into the cutting board, you moved quickly to scan her features. He just stood still, frozen. What was he supposed to do in a situation like this? Usually the screamers just ran off, but right now he was in the safety of this tiny human’s home. Oh! Right, she was the roommate you’d mentioned.

 

«There’s a skeleton in our living room!»

«Well… Yeah? I invited him?»

«There’s a monster in our apartment!»

«Uh… Yes? I told you? Are you okay?»

«I’m very not okay right now! He’s going to kill us and eat us!»

 

Her distress was kind of justified. You were the anomaly here. You were the only person that didn’t run away in fear.

 

«Pfff- That’s just a rumor for starters, and nah, Sans is cool. You think I’d invite murderers over? I’m not stupid.»

 

…Well. 

 

«He’s not scary. He’s not going to hurt us. Now come on, up you go.»

 

Dragging the poor human to their feet, you patted them down and gave a big smile. As if there was nothing dangerous. But really, he was pretty fucking dangerous.

 

«There we go. Sans, meet Beatrice, or Bee as is the most common nickname. I call her honey though, since she’s so sweet!»

 

He gave a slight wave, and the human hid into your bosom. Which was… Making him kinda jealous actually. He wanted to mash his head into your bosom, he wanted to hug you again. He wanted compliments and a cute nickname too!

All you did was laugh. 

 

«Now come on, that’s not how you properly greet someone. He’s not going to bite you.»

 

If anything, he was going to bite you. Mark you as his. 

 

«He- he’s… Are you sure?»

«Well, yeah. Sans, you planning on ‘eating’ Bee here?»

«… Nah.»

«See? Nothing to fear. It’s okay, you’re okay. You going to go to your nerd hangout? Play some nerd games? Watch some nerdy movies?»

«You know you’re more nerdy than me…»

«Heh, true! Now come on, I need to continue my date, and you have someplace to be! You need something from the kitchen or did you just want to say goodbye?»

«Uh… I just came to say goodbye.»

 

Giving her a head pat, and a forehead peck, you whispered for her to be safe and call you if she needed you. The tiny human seemed to calm down, give you a little smile and before leaving, voicing a quiet goodbye. You waved her off, before returning to the meat you were cutting.

Hearing the door closing and locking, you let out a deep breath, continuing to cut the meat. 

 

«Sorry about that.»

 

Were you? Apologizing to him? You didn’t have anything to do with that other humans reaction. Plus, it was a pretty usual reaction to seeing him.

 

«Didn’t think she’d scream. She’s not… She’s really scared of monsters. She’s scared of humans too, but… More so monsters. Apparently someone had encountered her, and threatened her, and that really made her more scared of monsters than she needs to be. It’s pretty unreasonable to be so terrified if you ask me. You can’t really condemn an entire race for what one individual chooses to do.»

 

You were plating the meal, leaving a rather generous portion on both plates. Oh, he liked that. For some reason, he liked the fact that you ate. Well, at least ate enough. 

 

«It’d be like… I don’t even need to make an example, it’s not right. I’m not going to excuse her actions, it was wrong. I’ll talk to her though, don’t worry.»

«… No need. That’s usually how humans react.»

«Really? That’s fucking terrible. Humans can be so fucking shitty, I’m sorry. They’re just so scared of the ‘unknown’ and then just don’t bother trying to educate themselves. Of course we don’t learn from our endless history of being shitty towards each other. People should be nicer, like, what’s the point of being rude?»

 

His soul was thrumming against his ribs. He was just really enjoying you and your presence. Taking a sip of the beer, and finally taking a seat, he let himself relax a bit. No threats were present, just you and him.

 

«You want a lot of sauce or? I’ve been told I can drown my food in sauce, no actually, I do. Is it really my fault that I like it?»

«Eh… Whatever’s fine.»

«Oh okay. I’ll try to keep it a ‘regular amount’ then. Just tell me if you want more? Or… Uh… Well certainly not less?»

 

Were you nervous? Oh, how the roles had suddenly shifted. It was oddly comforting knowing that you were slightly nervous too. And fuck, you were right, this beer was really good. The magic was also really pleasant and healing. 

 

«Uhm… I guess… Bone Appetite?»

 

Serving the delicious meal, he looked at you. You did look almost as nervous as you sounded. Wait, had you just made a joke? Okay, he was seriously loving this right now. Everything felt right. Letting out a slight chuckle, he looked at your plating.

Soft steam was rising off of the food. How truly wonderful, if he was drooling at this point, he really didn’t care. It looked so tasty. To think, this was made with him in mind, a homemade meal made by someone who actually held a romantic interest him.

Yeah, he’d probably died and gone to heaven. 

He really shouldn’t grow too confident, because now came the silence. He’d read that apparently there was a difference when it came to silence on dates. There was the pleasant silence, and the awkward silence.

Seeing you take the first bite, he finally let himself take a bite himself. As was monster customs.

If he was eating, maybe he didn’t need to talk? Cutting up a piece of the meat, he tried to mind his manners. On the regular he’d probably have just ripped a chunk of it off, but no, he needed to have proper etiquette. 

 

By everything that was holy-!

 

The meat was fucking… Perfect. Medium-rare. Although he preferred rare, in this case the bloody steak was fucking perfect. Well seasoned, cooked to perfection, not too much or too little of anything, just the right amount.

Letting out an undignified moan, he divulged himself into the meal, forgetting all his worries about manners. What the fuck was that anyways? He really couldn’t stop himself right now, just tearing the meat apart with his teeth.

At least he had the decency to use a fork, but he was sitting there ripping the juicy pieces of steak and moaning like a bitch in heat.

It wasn’t until he heard you giggle that he finally contained himself.

Fuck, right.

You were still there, and you were watching him eat.

 

«That good, huh?»

«’s fuckin’ delicious.»

«Thank you! I was kind of worried, I didn’t want to overcook it, I don’t usually make fillets. Kind of a bother when you’re cooking for yourself… and Bee is vegan, so I don’t usually cook meats for her. Mostly just soups and stuff.»

 

He couldn’t even pay attention to you anymore, to occupied consuming this tasty meal. How could meat even taste this fucking good?! 

 

«It’s nice to have someone to cook for actually. I’m not really the best cook either, as I mentioned the last time we talked, I just know what good food isn’t supposed to taste like. I’m a really picky eater if I’m being honest. Tomatoes can go to hell, unless they’re turned into sauce. Eggs need to not taste like eggs. It’s silly, I know…»

 

Hm? He wasn’t listening, he’d finished the meat and was now eating the vegetables. Which were also fucking perfect. Damn, you could really cook.

 

«People are starving out there, so… I’ve managed to reduce the food outcome significantly. Takes some planning sure, but it’s worth it. There’s no point wasting good food. My friends and I usually host this weekly get together were we just bring lots of leftovers. Helps the environment, plus I get really diverse meals.»

 

Fuck, he’d almost finished eating the food you’d served him. It was too good, too out of this world. This was probably the best meal he’s ever fucking had. He could quite happily dust away right now, and he’d have no worries.

 

«Oh wow, liked it that much huh? Want some more?»

 

Were you offering him even more food? Would it be rude to accept? Because he really did want to eat more of your food, but… Should he?

 

«I-uh… It’s alright…»

«I insist, I’d probably never be able to finish this. Bee would probably be able to finish off the veggies, but the meat? Would probably leave it in my fridge ‘till it tastes bad. Waste no food. Everything counts. So I really don’t mind. My friends couldn’t really meet up this week, work got in the way, so I have to freeze all my leftovers.»

 

‘Friends’? Oh fuck, he’d missed a bit of conversation there. Too consumed by this meal.

You grabbed his plate, and started serving some more meat. An even bigger helping of meat this time. 

 

«Want veggies too?»

«Uh… Sure?»

«Okay, yeah. So anyways, I’ve been talking a lot, so… What do you like to do in your spare time?»

 

Fuck, this is what he’d been worried about. Small talk. You seemed to be a natural at talking, always able to fill a conversation. Making him so comfortable in not keeping up conversation.

 

«Uh… I like to read…»

«What do you usually read?»

«Mostly just… Philosophy, Astronomy or Quantum Physics… Science shit…»

«Oh! Wow, and I thought I was the only nerd present. Though you seem like a smarty pants nerd type. I’m more of an… Odd interest type of nerd? But anyways, that’s really cool. Heavy material though.»

«Yeah… It can get quite heavy, but it’s mostly just the way humans words their sentences that makes it heavy. Mostly ‘cuz of some snooty pretentious scientist wanting to show off and impress his peers by using unnecessary lingo.»

«Heheh, isn’t that usually the case?»

 

Huh? Either he was really drunk off of that half finished beer, or he was actually not so nervous? He was actually managing to contribute to a conversation! 

 

«So, why ‘science shit’? Just a general curiosity or?»

«I got a PhD in Astrophysics, Engineering and uh… So you could say it’s an interest yeah.»

 

Fuck, he hope he didn’t sound like he was trying really hard to impress you.

 

«Oh wow! That’s so cool! So you’re a scientist then?»

«Uh… Nah, I actually work as a butcher…»

«Butcher, huh? That’s still kind of science-y though. You gotta know anatomy really well, be able to precisely cut up the meat correctly, have a really good understanding of the quality of the meat and the animals. Plus, that just makes your praise on my cooking, a whole lot more meaningful!»

 

At this point, his soul was probably going to burst out of his chest. He wasn’t really ashamed of being a butcher, at least not when it came to the work he got on the surface. He was really good at his job, and he did produce some quality meat. But hearing all that praise come from you just… Meant so much to him.

 

«I don’t really do work that perfectly suits my education either. Bachelors degree in art history. I’m taking a ‘year off’ to earn some cash before starting my masters degree. Work is work I guess. It does give me some time to figure stuff out though.»

«Art history, huh?»

«Yeah, I’ve always liked art. I mean, who doesn’t? Maybe not the traditional form, but yeah… I mostly just create art, but I don't want to do it for a living though. I tried it, hated it, made my art suck and just destroyed my motivation and inspiration. Didn’t make me happy to create specific content, just squashed my creativity.»

«… How so?»

«Well, most people that order art don’t care about the artist making a living. I was a starting freelancer, and tried to take on as much as possible. It was just really time consuming, especially for the amount of work I had to put in and for the very little money they wanted to give me. You want me to illustrate an entire children’s book for 50 dollars? Fuck no.»

 

And there goes a second serving of your food. It was truly marvelous. So, he’d learnt some new things about you, the most important, that you could cook really, really well. And that you knew how to fill conversations.

 

«I’m not even going to get into the amount of shit people put me through, so… Uh…»

 

Oh shit. No, were you running out of things to talk about? He relied heavily on the fact that you talked a lot, to make up for the fact that he really didn’t.

 

«You… Uh… Got any family?»

«A brother.»

«A brother, huh? I already mentioned one of mine, I got two. Older or younger?»

«I’m older.»

«Hm, I should have guessed it, I mean, I’ve seen the two of you before at the library. Unless that’s not your brother and I’m stupidly assuming something?»

«Nah… That’d be him.»

«He’s so tall though! Like, yeah, all my brother’s are taller than me, even my younger brother, but your brother has them both beat. Guess we got the short stick of the genetics, huh?»

«Heh, you’re not that short, for a human.»

«Boo! I wish I was taller. Like, you’re so tall too! What’re ya, 6’7’’ or something?»

«6’5’’ but thanks for adding a bit.»

 

In comparison to his brother, he seemed really short. But almost everyone did. The starvation and new food they’d had to adapt to, had changed them. They looked more monstrous than they had at some point and he really hated it. Maybe if he looked like what he used to, your roommate wouldn’t have screamed in horror when she’d first seen him.

Maybe he wouldn’t feel embarrassed on your behalf about being associated with him. You seemed kind of social, and considering it was the norm for humans to leave him the fuck alone, maybe that’d affect you. He really hoped not, because he didn’t want to lose people you cared about, just because of him.

But then again, it wasn’t like you needed anyone other than him? Right? He was enough. You didn’t need anyone else, just him.

And fuck, that sounded really possessive and… Not good. Shoving those thoughts aside he was staring at you as you slowly finished your meal. You’d been right when it came to the fact that you drowned your food in sauce, but in your defense, you’d made a pretty good sauce.

 

«So uh… Want some desert or? I made some cake?»

 

Wow.

He really felt like kissing you now. He was probably blushing like shit, but that didn’t matter, because right now all that mattered was you and the talk about this cake. Everything was good and nothing could ruin it.

 

«Are you… Are you purring?»

 

Except that. Yes, some part of him was so pleased he’d let out a low, rumbly purr. Fuck, you probably thought he was really fucking weird now. Humans don’t fucking purr, at least not naturally. At some point he’d decided to look up human porn, because why the fuck not. And some humans had decided to wear fur, dress like animals, and ‘purr’ while getting funky. Furries, he believe they’re called. 

Forcing down the purr, he tried to look anywhere but at you. Here he was a glowing blushing mess, purring when you mentioned cake. Oh fuck. This reminded him of… That previous scenario he’d imagined.

You serving him cake and he getting really fucking into it. He could already feel himself heating up. This was not good, he was getting really horny. Right now, the cake didn’t even look that good in his opinion, no, but you did.

Damn, you were just so damn pretty. So soft, so comfortable. He could really squeeze into you, and you’d just… Fuck, his magic was going to form if he didn’t think about something quick. He really didn’t want to give into his instincts that was telling him to bend you over and fuck you hard against the counter.

 

«Uh… You okay?»

«No thanks.»

«Huh?»

«I don’t… No thank you, I’m full.»

 

He really wasn’t, he just needed to focus on something else.

 

«Oh, okay. I’ll start the movie then, I just gotta go to the bathroom real quick.»

 

Thank the stars above!

As you walked away, he stared after your ass. It was a really fucking good ass- and he was losing focus. His magic was desperately wanting to form, his instincts telling him to go after you and just fuck you until you couldn’t walk, and then some more.

That’d be so fucking hot too. 

Begging him to stop, that you’d already cum so many times, but just moaning and writhing underneath him. Remains of cum all over your stomach, and those beautiful tits as well. Fuck, that’d be so fucking hot!

But right now was not the time to really be imagining such things. If his magic formed, he knew he’d absolutely lose it, and then you’d call the humans for help, get him locked up, and he’d never see you again. No, he really couldn’t risk it. 

Just, needed to think about something else. Something not sexy. Maybe he should think about stars? Nothing sexy about a ball of gas in space. The sun for example, really bright, warm, just like that hug you’d given… Fuck.

Too soon you returned. 

 

«Okay so, horror movie. It’s… Well I’m not going to spoil too much, I decided to watch it earlier just to jot down how many jump scenes there’ll be. 13 jump scenes, 2 major, 11 minor. The second it gets too much, you just tell me alright? I got comfort movies, other series, snacks, blankets, and I’ve secured pretty much every door and window. It can get loud, so just… I’ll keep the volume on 8 or 10, and subtitles on. That sound good?»

«… Heh, you think I’ll get scared?»

«Not sure, I usually do this for… Bee… She doesn’t like horror movies, but like… I don’t know, I always do this for people? I guess I’m a bit overbearing? I just don’t want people to get badly spooked.»

«If this ‘horror’ movie of yours is like any of the others I’ve seen then, nah. I won’t get scared.»

 

With that, you turned on the movie and dropped a dozen extra pillows onto the couch. The screen was still loading, and he decided to get comfortable. It was pretty cute how you decided to go through the effort of watching the movie to look for jump scenes. Not that he minded them, he’d seen and done far worse.

You were fussing a bit, picking up more snacks and grabbing a couple more bottles of beer. Arranging the pillows on the couch, you plopped some up against him, before sitting right next to him. Which was… A bit too close for him to be comfortable. At least he had a movie to focus on now.

The movie began to play, and it was… Kinda boring really, two old guys just talking in an office. You fiddled with the volume, deciding on an 8. It wasn’t really low, but the only way he could hear what the men were talking about properly was by reading the subtitles. Boring, bland, and he had no idea what an office had to do with a cabin in the woods? Perhaps some team building exercise involving it?

Suddenly there was a loud noise, and on the screen was the name of the movie in big red, bold letters. He didn’t jump, but he noticed that you kind of did. Adorable… That was the first jump scene? Laughable, just loud ominous music and red letters… Predictable.

As you let out a sigh, he looked your way, right before a sudden half nude scene was being played out. Just some redhead, or brunette? In her undies. Oh, so this was the set up, huh? Five young adults, the blonde, the virgin, the fool, the blondes jock stereotype boyfriend, and who could forget, the virgins boyfriend, the academic. 

Yeah, he’d already predicted half the movie. The sole survivor would be the virgin. Maybe the jock? Considering the guy who played him, was a pretty famous actor. Leaning back into the pile, he watched the scene unfold. The only odd bits, were the parts where it jumped back to the guys in the office.

This was a bit of a twist. Who were these guys? Perhaps they were monitoring monsters of sorts? He decided not to ponder too long on it, and rather watch the scene were the characters met the creepy old guy who warned them not to go to the cabin. That’s right fuckers, shoulda listened to him.

He huffed a bit as they decided to go against all the obvious warnings, a beautiful nature scene unfolding. An eagle soaring through the sky. That’s right fuckers, go through that tunnel of doom, which is the only way in and ou- Oh? What the fuck?! What the shit was that?

Leaning forward he studied the scene that had just happened. The eagle had flown into something. Was that a fucking force field? He looked at you, absolutely confounded. Why the hell was there a force field in a seemingly stereotypical horror movie?! Sending him a sly smile, your attention was quickly back on the screen as the young adults arrived at the dusty old cabin.

What kind of horror movie was this…?

Then the scenes were back to the most stereotypical scenes yet again. Old, dirty cabin. Creepy paintings, weird stuffed wolf head on the wall, a mirror with only one sided reflection that can be used as a window. Seemingly normal for a horror movie, so what the hell was up with that force field?

Back at the office, he saw how they were apparently watching them? Monitoring and using chemicals to affect the characters? Huh? He had to ask, you’d watched it, he needed to know. 

 

«Uh- what the fuck is up with this movie?»

«What do you mean?»

«Was that a fucking force field? Who are those guys at the office? Why are they monitoring those people?»

«I’m not going to spoil the movie, you’re just going to have to watch it.»

 

You shrugged and returned to watch the movie. Okay, well, that didn’t sate his curiosity at fucking all. This movie seemed like a classic, but then again it’s not? He couldn’t stop watching it, it was sucking him in. The mystery of it all was just, getting on his nerves. Never had he actually found himself as curious in such terrible horror movies.

When you jumped a bit at the basement scene, you decided to lean in a bit closer. A fake latin verse was sited, and then came the ‘monsters’ of the movie. A zombie movie. And then back to the office, okay, what the fuck. The people there knew, they’d had bets on which monsters was going to appear.

 

«What the hell is this fucking movie…?»

«Shhhh… You’re going to realize it all soon enough. Just, kick back, and let it all happen. As I said before we started the movie, I can stop it at any point if you’d like. But I’m not going to spoil anything.»

«… Fine.»

 

This was fine. 

…Fine.

Well, not really.

 

«Who do you think dies first?»

 

Who did he think died first? The blonde was the obvious choice. But this movie was anything but obvious at this point. With the people monitoring every step, he knew this wasn’t just your classical scary movie anymore.

 

«The blonde?»

«Oh yeah, big same.»

«… I thought you’d already watched this movie?»

«I did, but, eh…»

 

Oh, the nude scene. God, breasts… Human breasts. Where those considered nice? Maybe. Fuck, they were getting heated, weren’t they? Would that be something you’d be into? Fucking in a forest? He imagines it might not be that comfortable so, maybe not…

And there we go, first death. The blonde. Of course. He let out a little snort, but covered it up by coughing a bit. Fuck, he couldn’t let you know that he found it kinda funny. It was just, such an overplayed stereotype. Predictable. He’d called it.

Maybe, this movie was just fucking with him. Maybe, the office scenes were just something designed to fuck with the viewer.

 

«Heh, you called it. One point for you.»

 

Fuck, yeah he did. Shit, maybe he could make a bet with you? Maybe this was his chance at getting that kiss?

 

«Okay so, obviously, you’ve watched this movie before, you know all the death scenes,»

«True.»

«How’s about we make it a bit interesting?»

«How so?»

«If I can get… Let’s say, 3 out of 5 deaths right, I get a prize.»

«Hm… Depends, but… Okay. You get those deaths right, you get a prize.»

 

Score. He suddenly felt so excited, fuck yes, he was getting that kiss tonight!

 

«Who’s next?»

«Well, the jock managed to escape, I think? Someone with his raw strength probably managed to fend off the zombies while his girlfriend was killed… So, either the dope head or… Nah, I bet it’s the dope head.»

 

The movie was now displaying the guy in question, obviously knowing that he needed to get the fuck away from the cabin. As the ‘fool’ had already gotten several signs that something was wrong and tried telling the other characters. Of course no one was going to listen to him, not until he was dead.

As the movie played on, the druggie found the camera. You let out a little giggle at the stupid joke in that particular scene, and he himself found himself enjoying it. Yeah, the ‘fool’ was dead. 2 out of 5. He just needed to get one more death right and then he’d get that kiss. This fucked up movie had nothing on his skills.

 

«Next one is probably the virgins boyfriend.»

«Final answer?»

«Yeah…»

 

Even if he didn’t get that one right, he still had two more chances. He just needed to get them right. He already had two right answers. Okay, what the hell, why is there a frog scene… He couldn’t help but chuckle. What was this movie? A comedy?

Stars, he needed to watch himself… But you were chuckling as well. At least he hadn’t laughed at the wrong scene. That calmed his nerves… Just a bit. So this movie was a horror movie and a comedy? Or did you also have a dark sense of humor? That… Actually soothed his nerves.

Then came the cave in, the tunnel that was their supposed ‘only way out’. No, no, no no! The jock was volunteering to get help, that could not be good. The jock was going to ride his motorcycle over a cliff to get back to civilization. Emotional scene. Fuck, all he could do now was hope the jock made it. 

Leaning forward, he took a deep breath. Survive idiot, survive that jump! It’s not that far, he could make it. Encouraging music! That was good! He could make it.

 

Fuck.

 

He’d completely forgotten about the fucking force field.

You were roaring with laughter as the character was falling down the cliff, occasionally hitting the force field on the way down. 

All he could do was stare at the tv screen as you clutched your sides.

 

«-pfft, that scene gets me every time.»

«A man just died, how can you laugh?»

«It was just- heh, what a build up am I right? With all that’s going on, you kind of forget about the force field. Don’t worry, I forgot that the first time too and got really surprised. Also, yea, sorry, I guess I got really bad humor?»

 

Hm… This wasn’t actually that bad. He already knew you were a strange human, considering you didn’t think he was scary, and even though you seemed to jump at the jump scenes, you took the rest of the horror with… humor. 

You were just a… Strange human, with a fucked up sense of humor… Just like him…

 

«Okay, so this movie ain’t that traditional. It’s got stereotypes and all, but, there are twists. Any other person would think, at this point, it’s too stereotypical that the ‘smartypants’ dies. But the virgin’s got too much potential, so next up is definitely him.»

«Mh… I can see that happening yes.»

«You’re not helping…»

«Heheh, guess not, we’ll just wait and see.»

 

Not soon after, the guy was stabbed. Fuck…

Yes.

3 out of 5 right.

He had 3 out of 5 right!

He was getting that kiss!

 

«So- about my prize-»

«Yeah, yeah… You’re getting your reward once the movie is finished.»

 

He… Kind of wanted it now. But he guesses it might be a turn off to kiss while there were zombies fighting off the one remaining character. Ah, now he could just lean back and chill. How much of the movie was even left?

WAIT.

The… No… No this could not be happening. 

The dope head was still alive?!

Fuck.

Shit.

No.

 

«Fuck!»

«Yup. He never died.»

«Damn it!»

«Heheh… There’s still two characters left, and you got two out of five right. Do you wanna continue the bet?»

 

Did he? 

It was obvious nothing mattered anymore. This movie was getting on his fucking nerves. 

 

«Fuck it all… I’m going to go with the dope head. He has to… I… I don’t even fuckin’ know anymore. This movie is fucking with me…»

«You want to stop?»

«Nah… Just… I need to know what the hell is going on.»

«Understandable.»

The humans managed to get to that office. And then…

A purge.

A complete entire purge. 

Humans were dropping left and right. 

Monsters and other creatures just going on a killing spree.

 

Damn. 

 

This was actually… One of the best and worst horror movies he’d ever watched. You’d really gone all out when picking a movie, huh? It’d seemed… So stereotypical for a horror movie, and it was. It played on all of the horror movie expectations, and just… demolished them. Made them believable and just tore them down.

He could only… hope. That the ‘fool’ was next. 

As the characters were explained what was going on, that the virgin didn’t need to die, but that the ‘fool’ had to, he was hopeful. The virgin raised the gun, close to killing the fool. And then she was attacked by a werewolf.

Fuck. 

She was still alive though, barely.

He needed to get this one right.

He needed that fucking kiss.

You were just…

 

Unpredictable. Mysterious. A curious being.

Just like the movie, you were something to be discovered.

The movie ended. Both characters died. There was no telling who died first, so? Maybe he was victorious then? 

 

«And that’s that. Now what did you think?»

«…Did I win?»

«Heh, I mean, there’s no telling which one of them died first so…? I mean, the girl would’ve bled to death even if there was no ‘god like’ creature to kill both of them… But I guess, since I’m a nice person, or at least want to be, you won.»

 

He’d… He’d actually done it. You’d called it, you’d… Fuck, he was so fucking ready, he needed that kiss. Everything pointed to you being his absolute true soulmate, and at this point? He didn’t even care if you weren’t!

If you weren’t willing to give yourself to him, he’d just fucking take you.

You were his either way.

But for now, he’d play it cool.

 

«So, prize… I got some chocolates? You can have those? Sorry, didn’t know we were going to make any bets tonight, so I didn’t really buy anything…»

«A kiss.»

«What?»

«My prize… A kiss.»

 

Tilting your head to the side, you looked at him. As if you were deciphering a puzzle. God, that was a fucking sexy look. He felt his bones heat up a bit, and with every passing second that you were just staring at him, he felt himself shying away.

This was a bad idea. You didn’t want him, he knew that. You were just curious about monsters, you weren’t who he’d thought you were. He’d just gotten overly excited by the idea of you being his soulmate… This wasn’t real. This was just wishful thinking.

He couldn’t just drag you off by your hair, no, he wanted you to actually like him. But what the fuck was there to even like?

Not only had he scared off your roommate, but he’d also probably insulted you by not listening properly while you were feeding him. Fuck, he was just terrible wasn’t he.

 

«Huh… You really want me to kiss you don’t you?»

«I’m… I can… Leave… If you’d like… Sorry…»

 

Yeah, his confidence was tossed out the fucking window. You were just… Everything he wasn’t. How dared he even think the thought that you were potentially soulmates? How dare he wish and hope for that? You deserved someone better, not a fuck up like him.

 

«Nah… I’m just, curious? You asked for a kiss the first time we met too. Now, just tell me if I’m being a complete idiot, but is it a… Uhm… custom or something?»

«…Custom?»

«Shit- sorry, I’m being totally insensitive aren’t I… I just… I’m a stupid human that knows little to nothing about monster culture, so… Plus, I’m generally avoided like the plague for being a human… Sorry.»

«… What’chu mean?»

«Well… It’s not like there’s a lot of information about monsters out there, there’s the absolute basics, and then there’s rumors and shit. I just… Don’t know a lot about monster culture, and I don’t know whether I’m just… Breaking a general custom for monsters by not kissing you?»

 

Oh. OH!

Did you think giving kisses was a custom for monsters? It really wasn’t, not unless you suspected they might be your soulmate, but even so, it wasn’t even considered a custom. However… This could work in his favor? Maybe?

 

«I mean, sorry, I just know that some europeans give each other kisses on people’s cheeks when they greet, and well… I’m just… Gonna shut up right now… Sorry.»

«Nah, you’re…» 

 

Wrong? No, he was going to take advantage of this. But he wasn’t going to lie to you either. Not fully at least.

 

«Partially right. I wouldn’t say it’s… A ‘custom’ exactly, it’s more… A part of monster courting, I guess…?»

«Courting?»

«Uh… Yeah. We kind of, give a potential mate a kiss, to… Check… Uh…»

 

Fuck, was the room hot or? It was almost unbearably hot. It was nothing like an actual heat, but he was still so warm, sweaty and just… 

 

«Check?»

«The… Uhm… Potential?»

 

He was definitely putting his foot in his mouth, he just, didn’t know what to say. Like… He can’t say shit about souls, he can’t say shit about magic, and he can definitely not say squat shit about soulmates. He was trying to play it off as a cultural thing, but really, he was kind of failing because he was so fucking nervous.

 

«Hm… Okay then. Can I ask you a question?»

«Mh… Okay?»

«Do you want to go on a second date?»

 

Did he-? Well, yes. He did.

He nodded, and you gave him a smile.

 

«Good, I do too. So, how’s about, next date, you collect your prize? Because right now it looks like you’re about to pass out and I’d rather you didn’t. I’m sorry for stressing you out with my silly questions. It’s getting kinda late too, so? Next time?»

 

Next time? You wanted to go on another date with him? And you were going to kiss him too?

 

«I had lots of fun, learned some new stuff about you, so? I hope this ‘first date’ was fun for you too. I’m… Definitely interested, so, yeah… And, just know you can say ‘no’ to me at any point, or tell me if I’m too much… Do you-uh…»

«I’m… Thank you, I had fun too. This casual date was… Nice. And yeah, I should probably get home to Papyrus.»

«Your brother? Well, tell him I said ‘hi’. And… well, do you want me to follow you to the tram or bus stop?»

«Nah…»

«Okay, text me when you get back home. And I’ll text you about our next date?»

 

You rose from the couch and started heading to the hallway. He didn’t really want this date to end, but he also didn’t want to stay. He truly was way out of his comfort zone, and he did need to get back to his brother to tell him how the date went before he got bombarded with texts. 

Before he’d entered your home, he’d turned it off. He’d read that humans took it as an offense to be on their phones while on a date. He really didn’t want to offend you… Again… But he knew his brother had probably sent him some messages, some ‘dating tips’.

 

«Yeah…»

«Well, until we see each other again then? Be safe.»

«Uh… You too.»

 

And then you hugged him. And everything wrong, which was a lot, was suddenly just right.

 

Next time.

There was a next time.

And next time, you’d promised him a kiss.

 

And fuck, was he looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Next time' huh?? ;)))))
> 
> Thank you guys for all the encouraging words!!!! As I said, I decided to continue this, and well… I might have gone a bit overboard?? Eh, I'm going to continue this, at least for a bit. Not sure when I'll update, but I'm genuinely interested in this project soooo… We'll see
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, as always I'm available on Tumblr, and if you want to know when I update my fics, you can follow me on Twitter!
> 
> (13 450 words, yea… I like writing long ass chapters, if u guys havent noticed yet………)


	3. Bad dates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made some playlists for Reader and Axe, to set you guys in a mood nd stuff. I'll be making some art for the fic later today ;))
> 
> Reader:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZPJWkxig2wQ&list=PLe93NfOUZ41jp99y-ppZCA9-dslH4AkfV
> 
> Horror Sans:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLe93NfOUZ41hd3UzDTJk_rxny6GklTCH3

«Why won’t you let me love you!?»

«It’s nothing personal-»

«Nothing personal?! Of course it is! I just- I thought we had something, you made me believe we had something.»

«I’m sorry, what am I supposed to say? I’m not ready for anything serious. I’m not ready for a relationship, I’m… Not.»

«I… You can have all the time you need, I’ll be waiting.»

«No, that’s not fair to you. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready, and I want you to be happy. It’s not fair to you to wait for me, when you can find someone much better instantly. You’re a good guy, and… I don’t know…»

«Please… Just… Let me love you. You’re so wonderful, you’re so beautiful, you’re so kind, funny, clever and I… I love you, I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone like you. You’re special, you’re just so goddamn special.»

«I’m… I’m really sorry.»

«Please…»

 

As you gently dried away his tears with your hand, you couldn’t help but feel sorrow for this man. You’d been going on several dates, never really made it official, and this was just… The point you were at. The same point you always came to. With everyone who actually had the courage to try and date you.

You weren’t a cruel person, but sometimes you felt like it. People always told you how kind you were, but in moments like these, you just couldn’t. Sure, you’d tried being as honest as you could with the guy, the only thing he didn’t know was part of the reason why you didn’t want to date him.

It was simply, because you were utterly terrified. Feelings like these were an unfamiliar territory, and although you could love a friend or a family member, it just wasn’t the same when it came to your romance life. Friends could come and go, and you only ever kept a selected few close. Family was always there for you if you needed them, and you were always there for them if they needed you.

But letting in someone that you felt like you barely knew? Now that was just… Something else entirely.

 

«Please, I’ll do anything… I don’t want anything else, I just want you. You can move in with me, you’ll never have to worry about money, you can do anything you want to do just… please. Just let me try, I want to try, I’ll do anything for you.»

«I can’t ask you to do that… I’m sorry. You’re a great person, and you’ll find someone, I just know I’m not that certain someone.»

«You… Please… I just want you.»

«It’s okay, I just, I’m not ready. I don’t think its fair to you. I’m very sorry.»

 

And with that, he kissed you, he held you tight, clutching to you like a lifeline. Even if you felt a sting, a little numb feeling in your heart, you didn’t cry. You stood there, kissing and comforting the man who supposedly loved you. The man who’s heart you’d broken.

His tears were salty, running down and leaving a taste on your lips. He was desperate, and all you could do was running your hand up and down his back, as he kept you close and rolled his tongue against yours. 

 

When the two of you finally separated, you heard a silent plea, but all you could do was smile sadly at him. You wished him good luck, and turned on your heel and left the park. You hated breaking it off with people, you hated bringing them pain and sorrow. But what could you do? You just didn’t feel the same way about them as they did with you.

Life wasn’t always a dance on roses, you didn’t always fall in love with someone. Your friends had dubbed you the ‘Heartbreaker’, and even if they were kind of right, you didn't outright agree with that statement. It’s not like you did it on purpose. 

You tried to only accept people you could see a potential future with, but then you just didn’t feel that… Spark? No, you wanted to fall for them so badly, but you could never see them for more than a friend. 

For a long time, you’d thought you’d been aromantic, and you were content with that. But then you fell in love with this sweet guy, who cheated on you before you’d even decided to get serious. It had hurt so much, but you’d still put on a smile and told him that the two of you just weren’t meant to be.

It was just so tiring even trying anymore, you were downright exhausted. After some time, you’d just started agreeing to people’s suggestions, trying your hardest, but always failing. No, your heart was not broken, it worked, you just didn’t feel as strongly about people that you’d used to.

Sure, you loved your family and friends, but not in the same way you’d felt way back when. You knew you weren’t broken, at least deep down, but as your friends started getting engaged and you’d see their cute relationship pictures everywhere, you felt just that. 

There might be a person out there for everyone, but then again did you, out of everyone, deserve a certain someone? Maybe you were just destined to never find anyone, maybe you’d turn into one of those ‘vodka aunts’ that were hip and childless. Actually, that didn’t sound too bad now that you were thinking about it. Society might deem it as a poor decision, but society is already wrong about so many things.

Independence, that was something you’d always craved. You didn’t like owing anyone anything, you just wanted to be able to be alone, you wanted to be able to do everything without anyone’s help. But that was just… It just seemed impossible.

‘Couple’s discount’, ‘Couples vacation’, ’10 ideas to do with your hubby’, society was telling you to get a move on. Some time back you’d even read an article about how people over the age of 25 had more difficulty finding ‘The One’. You’d scoffed at that, plenty of people past that age had gone without finding the love of their life. 

And again, ‘the love of your life’ was stupid. You did believe that there was someone out there for everyone, but just one person? That you’d stick by forever? No, that was just dumb hollywood romance bullshit. Your parents had stuck by together since they were 18 years old, and now in your early twenties, you weren’t sure if you envied them or if you pitied them.

But they were happy, and you were… Well, not miserable for one, but you weren’t happy either. They’d told you to be more open and welcome, that the second someone tried to come near you that you freaked out and burnt all bridges, but that… You hoped it wasn’t the truth.

People seemed to disappoint you a lot. Not that it was always their fault, but it was just easier to be able to depend on yourself. You had a lot of stories about pre-break ups going bad, the Vegetarian, Moo’s being a bitch 1 and 2, A soldiers tears, Mustache Man, the Converting, and who could forget Housewife Proposal. You could probably write all about those stories, but you were just exhausted.

Here you thought you knew someone well, and they just flipped you off and backed you over with a truck. You just wanted someone to prove you wrong, that you could indeed trust someone, no lies. No hurt, no pain. But you knew that it was all inevitable. 

 

You promised yourself though, next time, you’d actually try.

 

Next time, you’d try harder, you’d take the initiative.

 

If it didn’t work out, you’d just give up on everything resembling romance.

 

̃ * ̃

 

After he’d finally been able to calm his heavy breathing, and his brother had stopped screaming, he finally let himself relax. It’d been a couple hours since his very first date. He knew it was silly, to be this worked up about someone, but he really couldn’t help it. You’d just been… Everything he’d ever wanted, and you actually seemed to care, actually seemed to like him.

Then there was the promise of a kiss. Not just ‘a kiss’, rather, the kiss. He’d finally be able to figure out if you were truly his soulmate. He wouldn’t even need to grab you and force you to kiss him either, no, it was consensual. It was very nice.

Papyrus’ yelling however? Not so much.

He’d finally quieted down, after going on and on about how he’d had several opportunities to sneak in a kiss, and how it wasn’t a big deal and that he just needed to follow through with it. Even though his brothers self confidence had depleted over the years, he wasn’t nearly as nervous as Sans was when it came to things like these.

Papyrus had taken the fame of being one of the Royal Butchers and put a positive spin on it, something he could never manage to do. It was necessary for their survival, all the monsters knew it, but it still felt like such a malicious fate for the unfortunate humans that fell. Their flesh torn away from their bodies, gutted and eaten like they were nothing but animals.

Though humans technically counted as animals, they were on a whole different level of sentience. Hearing them scream and beg for their life, as he’d slowly approach them, either with a cleaver or his ‘trusty’ axe. They just wanted to live, they just wanted to be free, just like him. 

The first time, he’d just been so stupid about it. Told himself it was necessary, and that it was needed of him, and how everyone would be able to eat now! And when he’d managed to clumsily kill the human, all he could do was stand still and stare. His first kill had left him an emotional mess.

It hadn’t really gotten easier over time, he was still haunted by all the faces and their voices. Yet, he kept on doing it. He felt number, when he went through with it. Just something you hated to do, yet had to. Like doing the dishes and alas having to touch the dirty dish water. It was just something you had to do, even if you hated it. A routine, in order to keep yourself alive.

How he envied his brothers ability to be able to reason with himself, that it’d been necessary for everyones survival. How he could still feel like he earned the compliments that was given by the many monsters that had managed to survive off of the food they’d produced. 

He felt completely and utterly sick about it all. Even more disgusted by himself than he would’ve been.

Maybe it would have been easier on his fucking soul if he’d have just dusted. But no, he couldn’t have left his brother in such a situation. After all, his brother trumped his own existence in every possible aspect. He needed to keep him alive. So, he’d stayed alive, doing unspeakable things. Now, that both of them were essentially ‘safe’, he really wanted to just… Sleep.

Sleep for as long as he could. But no dreams of course, because almost every time he closed his sockets, or the world got too quiet, he’d feel ghostly fingers on himself. He’d hear distant screams, and sometimes he’d see the people he’d killed, walking around. He just wanted to be okay again, he just wanted to be someone that deserved to exist on this hell of a planet.

If hell even existed, he was sure he had a first class ticket straight to it, the moment he finally dusted. A reserved seat, just for him.

Then… There was you.

Whoever thought it’d be a good idea for the two of you to co-exist at the same time and place, and be able to meet, was in his opinion, an idiot.

He knew he didn’t deserve someone like you in his life. Strangers standing from afar could even tell. You were just too good for him. In every possible aspect. Even if it turned out that you were indeed his true soulmate, he’d still think about how you didn’t deserve an asshat like him.

If anything, you deserved a freaking angel, the purest being from high above! Not him, a disgusting garbage goblin that not even his very own mother could love. Not that he even had a mom, but if he did, he’s certain she would have taken one look at him, and chucked him in the nearest garbage can. Or recycle bin, because at least she’d be kind enough to think a bit about the environment.

The date itself had been… Fine? He assumes as much at least. You hadn’t attempted to throw him out, tried to kill him, alerted authorities, or thrown hateful comments his way. You’d given compliments, smiled at him, laughed, and seemed like you actually, genuinely, enjoyed being in his company.

It was truly too good to be true. The fact that you didn’t even seem to have anything against him, the fact that he was a big scary monster, was also kind of freakish. He knew that most humans would get scared of even a teeny tiny Whimsum, so the fact that you didn’t even flinch in his presence was… Strange.

For starters, in both monster and a human sense, he knew his outwards physical appearance was downright awful. Too human looking for monsters, and he looked like a fucking dead human who’d finished composing and rotting away all the flesh. One would have to be a real freak to be fucking attracted to him, and then there was his personality to top it all off.

Maybe you were doing all of this to prove a point? That you weren’t ‘racist’ or something. Maybe, you’d been secretly gagging when he didn’t see? You were probably too nice to do it in his presence. Or maybe, you were trying to piss off your parents? Though he hadn’t noticed no hatred of your family, maybe you were just that good at lying.

Shit, you weren’t doing this because you actually liked him, did you?

No.

The whole ‘soulmate’ thing just made more and more sense. Because how could it not? You were simply blinded by the fact that he was god awful because you were tied to him, whether you liked it or not. You were wearing rose-tinted glassed, taped to your head by the fucking universe.

If you weren’t his actual soulmate, he’d question the fact that you seemed like a sane person. 

Why were you even doing this? Why were you, a perfectly normal looking human, as dazzling and gorgeous as a galaxy, as kind as a mother with her perfect child, even dating someone like him?

Perhaps this was the universe’s punishment, that he was finally receiving. Having to worry about you for the rest of his existence, if you didn’t have any other intentions with him, aside from dating. Fuck, he was going to worry about this for as long as he lived.

Even if you didn’t wind up together, he’d still think about the kindness you’d showed him, the entire time you knew him. He didn’t deserve your treatment, and yet he did, because it also felt like he was being punished the entire time. 

It was strange, thinking about your presence this way. A blessing and a curse.

As if the universe was continuously trying to play a joke on him, he heard his phone give off a sound and vibrate against his femur. Slowly sliding it out of his pants, he looked at the message. Of course, who else but you?

You’d sent him a very sweet message, telling him you had fun and wondering about if he’d enjoyed it as much as you had. Feeling his soul clench, he couldn’t help but feel his constant grin being forced into a genuine smile. You were so sweet, worrying about if he’d enjoyed it.

How could he not have?

Everything had been perfect. From the cute date clothes you wore, to the food you’d prepared in honor of him, to the silly movie you’d played. His very first date, had been something of perfection.

Replying that he’d had a good time, he simply left it at that. What else could he reply? ‘It was awful’, no that’d been an outright lie and he could’ve kissed his second chance goodbye. Placing his phone next to him on the couch, he put his hands down his pockets, and leaned back into the comfortable couch.

Not as comfy as yours had been, by all means, but still an okay couch. You were so wonderful and dreamy, what could go wrong?

Another ding, and he leaned forward, grabbing his phone. Stabilizing his skull with his hand, and elbow on his knee, he saw yet another message from you. Just asking if he made it home okay, and if he’d had any trouble getting back. 

Were you worried about him? How sweet. 

Replying that yes, he was back home, and yes, he’d made it back just fine, he felt like he should ask you a question as well. He wasn’t really sure what to ask though, but it still seemed like you wanted to talk. To him no less. 

Then you replied, yet again, saying it was good that he was safe and sound. He couldn’t help but feel a bit flustered, a good feeling settling in his chest, along with a gentle hum in his soul. Wow, you seemed like you cared for him so much, and he just wanted to spend the rest of eternity feeling exactly like this.

Relishing in the warm, fuzzy feeling, he finally felt the energy to head to bed. Rising from the couch and pocketing his phone, he headed up the stairs into the bathroom. Following through with his one and only personal hygiene routine, being that he’d brush his teeth, he finally caught his own reflection.

There he was, in the mirror, and fuck if he looked just downright awful. The big gaping hole in his skull looked terrible, his teeth razor sharp, his bad socket chipped and dusty. Not to mention the big dark circles beneath both of his sockets. It was odd, finally looking at himself, and even if he wanted to look away, he couldn’t.

He looked like fucking trash, and at that he frowned, seeing the corners of his mouth turn downwards. He was so ugly. Touching his own face, trailing his phalanges over old wounds, chips, and nicks, he couldn’t feel anything besides discontent. 

How you could even call this face ‘cute’, out of all things, didn’t sit right with him. There was nothing cute about it, not even handsome would fit. He’d looked like… This, in front of you, and you hadn’t even turned away from him to look the other way. 

‘Someone out there for everyone’, yeah, sure, you had to be completely blind and stupid to even think the thought that his face was ‘cute’.

Deciding that enough was enough, he grumbled and turned a different direction while brushing his teeth. At least his teeth were still white and shiny, even if they could be considered sharp fangs. They’d just turned that way after a while. 

Everyone had turned into a somewhat ‘scarier’ counterpart of themselves. Sharper teeth, longer claws, bigger appearance. They finally looked the part of terrible scary monsters. It’d been necessary for their survival, they knew that. Their magic had simply just accommodated to being more dangerous, in order to survive the starvation and fight for scraps.

Rinsing and spitting, he went back into his room, not bothering to turn on the lights. Falling over, into his bed, he smelled the constant stink of his sweat on his pillow. It reeked of him, and while it showcased that this was indeed his little nest, he still didn’t enjoy the fact that it smelled too much of him.

Tossing a bit, to lie on his back, he removed his phone from his pocket and threw all clothes that weren’t his shirt and boxers into the fucking dark abyss that was his room. He’d just pick them up tomorrow, if he bothered getting out of bed. He probably wouldn’t.

Another ding from his phone, and he found himself a bit confused. Were you in such a talkative mood, or were you just bored? You told him you couldn’t sleep. He sympathized with you, falling asleep could be really hard, and he often did because he was too exhausted to keep himself awake.

When you sent another message, almost immediately, asking if you could call him, he felt his non-existent heart jump out of his ribcage. You wanted to call him? Talk to him? Now? While he could say no, without you probably not having any bad feelings about the rejection, he couldn’t help but feel a bit out there.

Maybe you wanted to cancel the plans on a second date? Then again, you had said it was fun? Right?

He knew that if he was going to think too long and hard about why you wanted to talk to him, he’d probably never reply, winding up with him yet again worrying about making the right decision, and then about you and how you felt about it. So, he did something gutsy, and decided to call you.

 

«…Hey»

 

You sounded so sleepy, he felt himself wanting to laugh a bit, but also relish the fact that you’d answered right away.

 

«Can’t sleep?»

«Nope.»

 

Hearing you let out a tired laugh, all he could do was lean back into his bed and enjoy it. He wouldn’t have to worry about looking like hell in front of you, when you couldn’t see him.

 

«I tried to, listened to music, read a bit, got myself a cup of chamomile tea, the whole shebang. Sorry about the fact that I’m calling so late, I just… Think you have a really calm and soothing voice?»

 

Damn. His soul thrummed happily at that. You thought his voice was calm and soothing? You’d wanted to hear him talk, just because you seemingly thought it was nice. Or maybe you thought it was boring enough to make you sleepy. Either way, what bliss to hear your voice,

 

«I’m glad you had a good time tonight, for a first… First date. Hope it was all you wanted it to be?»

 

And more.

 

«It was nice, never really had anyone cook for me, besides my bro.»

«Oh? I take it you liked my food?»

«It was delicious.»

 

A sleepy laugh was heard on the other end, and he had to clutch his ribs to keep himself grounded. You were so… Wonderful.

 

«Mmm… How’s about I cook some more for the next date then? I’m not really a big fan of seafood, fish is alright though, but shellfish? I’m sorry if I don’t enjoy eating sea bugs.»

«Heh… C’mon, in this world, you can’t afford to be picky, lest you be considered a bit shellfish. But hey, if it bugs you to eat sea insects, I won’t give you any crab about it.»

 

More sleepy hoarse giggles, and he felt like he was on cloud nine. 

 

«As much as I’d love to start a pun-war with you, my mind is too scrambled to think of anything good. Remind me to do that in the near future though, heck, maybe you can win more kisses if you win.»

«I’ll write it down so I can remember it.»

 

Writing a note on his phone about your promise of a pun-war and the winner getting kisses.

 

«Wait… You actually wrote it down?»

 

Fuck, should he not have?

 

«Uhm… Yeah?»

«Sometimes you’re honestly too cute for my heart to handle Sans. Can’t wait for our next date, to be perfectly honest, I’m still trying to find some more activities we could do that’d be fun. Mh… So far I’m kind of coming up short. There’s a lot we could be doing, but then again, I’m generally too lazy to do over half of them.»

«You want to do something aside from a ‘casual’ date?»

«I feel like we probably should, but then again… Hm… Okay, I think I’ve got an idea. So, instead of ditching the whole dinner and a movie thing we got going on, how’s about an addition? There’s this pop up exhibition coming up, that I should probably use to do a review of.»

«Uh… What kind of art?»

«Okay so, just to explain, I have a blog where I sometimes review exhibitions, take pictures of my experience and help gain attention to the artists. I mostly just do it for fun, because,»

 

There was a little yawn on your end, and he couldn’t help smiling.

 

«Because I like art. Now, the exhibition is called ‘Underground’ and it’s made by an artist who lived in the undergrounds. It didn’t say if the artist is a monster or a human, just that they’ve lived there, so it could either be someone with actual experience, who was raised there, or by a human who stayed there for a couple weeks. Not entirely sure, but the concept is very interesting.»

 

His smile quickly turned into a frown. Monsters had sworn to secrecy about what had happened underground, and now some dumb-fuck was going to ruin it by opening an exhibition in a gallery, where humans could see the fucking art? 

For starters, how did he not even know about this? How did he not know this was going to happen? He was usually so on top of things, he’d been called by the fucking fish so many times to stop things like this, if necessary. And now, there was a gallery hosting something like this?

 

«I’m looking at what the description is right now, you’re on speaker by the way.»

«Uh… Okay…»

«So it says here, that the artist made different paintings and sculptures inspired from their time living underground. It’s ‘raw’ and ‘passionate’ and they’ve given a disclaimer of body horror. Hm… Apparently it’s very twisted? Some of the pieces have been listed, their names are… Kind of strange?»

 

This was bad… No, this was downright terrible! Who in their right mind would actually do this? Expose the entire monster race to what they’d done down there to survive.

 

«No actual pictures of the works so far. There’s lots of different names though, ‘Dust to Dust’, ‘Starving for Attention’, ‘Death is Sweet’. Just your run of the mill edgy artist trying to make their art sound scarier. Eh, it’ll probably be nice I guess? Dunno, that’s what I get for signing up for every art community and gallery news letter I could find in this town.»

«There is no name of the artist?»

«Nope, and even so, it’ll probably just be some stage name to sound extra fancy and edgy. It’s a very interesting concept of course, but it’ll probably be overdone, especially if it’s a human artist. We sure like to over dramatize things. I mean, if not, there wouldn’t be a billion songs about love, now would there?»

 

Uh… Sure? Still, he’d like to know who the fuck was attempting to expose the things they had to do to all of humanity.

 

«How many do you think will see it?»

«Well, not to toot my own horn, but it’s got a small guest list. Only a selected few actually gets to see the exhibit, and since it’s in a relatively small gallery, funded by the support of a few of my co-art lovers, there probably won’t be more than twenty people that gets to see the art. It’s a pop-up, and it’s not really commercialized. You only get to bring one plus-one, and while it says ‘no pictures’ allowed, I will be allowed to write about it. Got special permission from the gallery.»

 

So, not a lot of people would get to see it at least… But it still wasn’t that great if you did see it, and it turned out to be a realistic interpretation of the experience a monster had in the underground.

 

«I’d take Bee, but she’s not really that… Okay, with body horror and such… But, I totally get it if you don’t want to see it either, art can get really freaky. We don’t need to do anything more than a dinner and a movie, but I think that I’d get a more… Real experience if I could talk to someone that’s actually been underground if I want my review to be any good.»

 

And there it was. 

He felt like fucking laughing. You’d planned this, hadn’t you? You were just curious about the underground, and wanted him to be your guide to know more about monsters and such. How could he have been so blind?

You’d obviously faked your attraction and given him attention, just to see if he was stupid enough to out the monsters and their secrets. It stung, it really did. You'd just used him all along.

 

«Kinda weird how we always end up watching horror together, huh? Any who, I’ll see if I can figure out who the artist is, if you’d like to know? But then again, I do think it’s just a human who’s just stepped foot close to Mount Ebott, called it a day and made a couple pieces to interpret how they believe monsters behaved underground.»

 

His soul was aching. He knew it’d been too good to be true, and he’d actually let himself feel for you. Here he’d thought you had good intentions and actually liked him, but it was all an act to get information. Wasn’t it?

 

«Oh, and listen to the name of this piece ‘The Royal Butchers’. It’s supposedly a painting, based on it’s proportions-»

«What was that?»

«Hm? I said there’s a painting was called ‘The Royal Butchers’. No description or price listed, so the art is probably not for sale.»

 

Shit. Fuck, shit. 

Some monster out there had decided to make art, of him and his brother? This meant he needed to call the bitch of a queen and figure out who was ratting them out. Hell, he might have to attend this shit.

 

«Woah, okay, this is kind of freaky, but there’s a sculpture called ‘Sans.’. Do you know any artists? Wow, someone made you art!»

 

He needed to figure out who, and immediately find out the location! No one could see this!

 

«Where the fuck is the gallery?!»

«Woah there, no need to scream into my ear. There is no location listed, thus far. Says here that the location of the gallery is usually switched around a bit, and that they’ll mail us the location after I’ve replied that I’ll be attending. It’s kind of odd, but most artists are kind of special. The invite is… Kind of creepy now that I think about it… But yeah, sound interesting?»

«Sure, just… message me the location the second you know where it’s being hosted.»

«Of course Sans. I look forward to our second date!»

 

The beautiful lies you threw at him still made him feel flustered. He knew now what your true intentions were, but he couldn’t afford to miss this. He’d have to dust every single person in that gallery, including the monster who’d come clean about the murders.

He hated the fact that he’d have to hurt you.

It’s not like he wanted to, he just couldn’t bear the fact that you’d lied to him, and now you were going to see what’d truly happened underground. That he’d… Killed humans. That he’d consumed the flesh of your species to survive. Fuck, it really hurt.

Everything hurt.

 

«…Sans? You alright?»

 

No, he wasn’t. He wasn’t alright. He didn’t want to kill you. Even if you were only fake-dating him to satisfy your curiosity, he’d still felt himself fall for you. You were the first person to ever seek him out and show an interest in him.

Even if it wasn’t real, it’d felt so nice.

Now you’d just be another face, haunting him in his dreams. Just another death on his conscious.

 

«You know… We don’t have to go right? If you don’t want to, I won’t force you. I just… Thought it’d be interesting, but… Fuck, I’ve been really insensitive about this, haven’t I? Of course you don’t want to go see art about something so traumatizing… God, I’m sorry Sans.»

 

And there you go again, worrying about him, of all people.

 

«Listen, I’m going to come completely clean here.»

 

It was finally happening, huh? You’d admit you were only fake dating him because you were curious. Fuck, it hurt his soul.

 

«I don’t know… A lot about monsters. I don’t know what happened underground. All my knowledge stems from what little information I can get from the news, so I don’t know how to… Treat you? I guess? I don’t know if I’m doing something highly insensitive, if I’m doing something right or wrong. Honestly, I’m kind of scared about… Scaring you off or accidentally offending you.»

«Mh…»

«I treat you exactly like I would a human, and I don’t know if I’m doing something offensive half the time. Because I really don’t want you to hate me, because I like you. I’m just a dumb human, and what we do when we’re exploring uncharted territories is making a shit-ton of mistakes. I know I’m constantly making mistakes, and I want to improve. But I can’t really do that unless I get the proper information.»

 

Wait… What was that part about you… Liking him?

 

«I’ve tried… Finding more information about monsters, because well, I was intrigued and curious about your sudden presence. But I don’t know a lot about you, your people, or where you came from. I don’t know a lot about your culture, and I don’t know if… You want to talk about what happened down there, or if I can even ask about it.»

 

Heh, yeah, they’d made sure humans knew as little as possible about them.

 

«I’m… Based on what little information I have, thus far, I know you guys were starving underground. I know, that it’s something no monster wants to talk about. Not sure whether it’s taboo because of something cultural, or because it’s very uncomfortable to talk about. But that’s pretty much all I know. So when I say, I want to ask you about the underground, you don’t have to… Tell me.»

 

There was a long pause. If you were expecting him to reply, or if you needed a breather, he wasn’t sure.

 

«I know it’s… Less than pleasant, probably, talking about it. You don’t have to tell me anything, but… I want you to know that you can trust me as well? If that makes sense? I know I’m just tiredly rambling, but. It’s a part of you, not who you are of course, but a part. Just like how where I grew up is a part of me. You’re allowed to keep your secrets of course, and you don’t need to tell me anything.»

 

‘A part of you’, an understatement. It’s where he grew up, it’s where he had experienced all the shit he had. He hated the underground, he resented it. Almost as much as himself.

 

«I… I’m sorry, I’m tired and I’m being an idiot right now. I’m sorry, I’ll just… I just wanted you to know that you can tell me and call me out whenever I do something wrong. Sorry…»

 

He heard you shifting in the background, and he heard you mutter something about ‘idiot’. But… If he got any valuable information out of what you said, it was that you didn’t know how to treat him, and wanted his guidance and help to know if you were mistreating him.

Which you really weren’t. 

You seemed to constantly worry about treating him right, about not doing anything that’d hurt his feelings. You’d said you treated him like a human, an apparent equal. 

That’s when he heard something, so quiet he probably wouldn’t have heard it, if he wasn’t so damn quiet. A very soft whimper. Fuck.

Fuck.

Where you crying?

 

«You okay?»

 

A sniffle. He’d made you cry. He had made you, someone who’d treated him with nothing but kindness, cry.

 

«Hm, yeah, I’m fine. Just… Dandy.»

«Okay. Y’know, you worry a lot.»

«W-what makes you say that?»

 

That stutter was… Really cute.

 

«Well, so far, you haven’t really done anything as bad as most humans do. Not even monsters walk on eggshells like you do around me. I get that you’re curious about me, about other monsters, and the underground. But, you don’t really have to be. Worried, that is.»

 

He knew he was really putting his foot in his mouth again, but he didn’t want you to cry. For some reason, it hurt more that you were crying, rather than the thought of you lying to him.

 

«I guess it’s natural for you to be interested in the unknown… I’m a monster of science, I know what it’s like to seek knowledge. In this case though… I can’t really help you. You’re right when it comes to the fact that talk about the underground is considered taboo, it was a bad fucking experience that no monster ever wants to relive.»

«I’m sorry about asking.»

«Nah… If I was in your situation, I’d probably have asked too. I’d probably be really rude about it too, unlike you. But I can’t really talk about it. At all. I can, however, tell you bits and pieces of monster culture. Not right now of course, but eventually, I suppose.»

«… Okay.»

«And, as far as I’m concerned, you’re not doing anything wrong. You’re very… Nice, about it all. You won’t get angry with me if I can’t tell you anything, right?»

«Why would I be angry? I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable or offended by the things I do. The reason I even considered going to that exhibit is because I wanted to see art from the place you grew up. But, I’m thinking we don’t need to go there.»

«I…»

«No look, I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to. I’m not going to force you to do anything. It’s not like I’m going to hate you for not satisfying my stupid curiosity. It’s not your job to deal with me, not at all.»

 

While it was true, a part of him still wanted to tell you. Not the bad things of course, he’d keep that shit buried as long as he could. At some point, he hadn’t really minded the scenery of the underground. Waterfall was really beautiful, once full of the prettiest flowers. You’d probably have loved the place. Then the plants started dying, the glow shards were broken and the walls vandalized. 

 

«I… Do want to go though. Gotta see who the artist is, especially when they’ve dedicated a piece to me.»

«Are… Are you sure? We can go see a movie or-»

«Nah, I’m sure. The Underground ain’t a pleasant thing to think about, but at least it won’t be so bad if you’re there. Plus, if it really is a human who made the art, I’d love to laugh at the misinterpretation.»

«Heh… Yeah, I mean, that’s kinda why I brought up the review thingy. I got special permission for it just this morning, but it’s not really going to be based off of the art itself. I’ve been researching a bit, and basically, I wanted to write an essay about the misconception of monsters.»

«… Oh?»

 

Hearing you shift in the background, he decided to stare at the ceiling. ‘Misconceptions of Monsters’?

 

«So, there are so many godawful rumors spreading, and I wanted to just write about how harmful it can be. Humans are curious but also wary of the ‘unknown’ and can, and will, believe anything they hear. Like the whole concept of monsters eating humans? Like… No.»

«No?»

«I mean, it’s obviously just something some idiot racist started spreading around online, and with the little factual information we have, resulted in it becoming a norm to believe that monsters wish to harm humans. But, really? Most monsters I’ve come across has had zero interest in actually just looking in my particular direction. There is literally no interest there, and no wish to harm me.»

 

Well… While most monsters on the surface avoided humans like the fucking plague, he knew that the ones that still favored human flesh were locked safely underground. So, it was at least partially true. That no monster had any interest in eating humans anymore, especially with all the food they were able to come across now.

But he could not deny the fact that there were still some monsters on the surface, that wouldn't mind taking a slight nibble out of a human or harm one. He didn’t deny the fact that your roommate probably had been threatened by a monster with at least some intent of actually eating them. But you didn’t need to know that.

 

«I’m still kind of working on it, what I want to bring to attention, aside from well… The misconceptions. Ugh… I’m kind of tired, I should probably call you tomorrow about it, so I can tell you properly. But, I just want to bring to attention the fact that it’s really harmful and the result is creating a huge barrier between the two races, when there doesn't need to be.»

«So basically, you want to write about shitty humans being shitty?»

 

You laughed, really loudly, and hearing you take a couple breathers trying to steady yourself, he felt a bit better. But still, why did you want to talk to him in particular? Because of the fact that humans sometimes screamed if they were in a relatively close space?

 

«Yeah, pretty much. Most humans are missing out, they’re so worried about being harmed by a monster that they run away in fear, when there really isn’t anything to run from. We’re all people, we all have morals and ethics, we all just want to live in peace… you know? They miss out on meeting other kind people, getting friends, or in our case, dating.»

 

Okay, that last part made him flush really badly. You admitted to dating him, you admitted that you were courting each other. Even if he was a terrible date, you still enjoyed his company.

 

«But I’m no monster, so I can only really talk about my side of the story. Which is why I was wondering if you’d like to just read over or tell me if parts of what I’m writing sounds bad. I can only really report on incidents that I hear or see myself. You don’t have to of course, but I’d like to hear your thoughts about it. I think it’s important that you can hear more than one side in a case, and well… You don't have to, underlining that.»

«Let me get this straight, you just want me to tell you about some of my experience in having to deal with humans, and see if you get it right?»

«Well… I’m not going to use you as an example, if that’s what you’re thinking. But I would like to hear about if what I’m writing is true to others. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow, I’ve got some notes here and there. I’ll be using the art as an inspiration of sorts, and maybe mention it. I won’t post it anywhere if it’s terrible or sounds offensive in any way.»

«So you just want me to be an editor of sorts?»

«Yeah! I’m sorry I’m not so coherent, I’m pretty tired. You kind of wore me out, heh. Not that I don’t like hanging out with you or anything! Because I really do, and well… First dates always get me nervous I guess? Not that I didn’t enjoy it! Because I did! It was a lot of fun, and… Ugh, foot in mouth.»

 

All he could do was laugh. Were you really that worried about hurting his feelings? And were you nervous? You hadn’t appeared half as nervous as he had, you’d seemed like a dating connoisseur, a real professional. But what did he know, he hadn’t been on many dates.

 

«I usually get less nervous the more dates I go on with someone. Mostly because I get to know the person better and become more confident, I guess?» 

«I get’chu. But yeah, I’ll help you edit it, at least a bit. Can’t really focus for too long, I get kinda… I don’t know. Nevermind, I… Yeah, uh, I’ll help you out.»

«Heh thanks, you don’t have to, of course, but thank you.»

 

Then came the long awkward pause. Seconds were slowly passing, and he could hear some of your little breaths. Even your breathing was cute, which was a really odd thing to think about. But here he was, listening to his favorite human breathe over the phone.

He didn’t really have anything he wanted to ask you, he was actually pretty surprised you’d even wanted to call and talk to him. But now he had some work to do, which kind of annoyed him. He needed to do some research and figure out who were about to snitch on the entire monster race to the humans. He needed to alert the queen, and mentally prepare for having to kill the humans that’d enter the pop-up.

No one could know what happened underground. Yet, he’d agreed to take you to the exhibit… Did this mean he’d have to kill you as well? Because he really didn’t want to. But then again, only twenty people… Was there really a need to kill them? 

Even if he knew rumors spread like wildfire, if he was careful there’d be no way there’d be any physical evidence of the art that were spreading the truth. If he was lucky, which he usually wasn’t, the art would be made by a human. But what were the likes of that with a piece called ‘Sans.’. No… He wasn’t so lucky.

Hopefully, it was nothing that’d out them. Maybe he could play it off as a sick demented joke among monsters, that the whole ‘killing humans’ was just to portray the hatred that’d grown from the fact that they’d been sealed under the ground for so long? Yeah, that could probably work. But that meant he’d have to stay at the exhibit for quite some time.

 

«You want to go to sleep, Sans?»

«What was that?»

«I was wondering if you wanted me to hang up? You went really quiet there. I mean, you will definitely get more chances to talk to me, I already said I was going to call you tomorrow. Or, well, technically speaking today since it’s past midnight.»

«Uh… I was just wondering.»

«About what?»

 

What could he say? Wondering if he needed to kill the people on the guest list, you included. Because he really didn’t want that, you were just too lovely. No, he needed to come up with something else. 

 

«Why… You’re still free I guess?»

«Free? As in why I’m still living the high life as a single person?»

«I guess?»

 

This was not a good conversation topic, but it was better than wondering about if he’d have to kill you before your second date was over. He really didn’t want that.

 

«Well, if you must know, I’ve just never matched with anyone? Some people say it’s because I got too high standards, other think it’s because I like intentionally hurting people’s feelings. I’m just too lazy to really care about it too much… I don’t know.»

«Wait, how many humans have you dated?»

«Hm… Not sure? At least 12 people, probably 20? Not 100% certain? Not like it matters too much, we never really got past a couple of dates so anyways. By then I either knew their true intentions, or I knew we’d never really match? I got lotsa fun stories, but they’re for another time.»

 

Something irked him, his soul felt like it was strained. You’d dated so many people… You were far more experienced than he was. But what bothered him the most was the fact that you said you hadn’t gotten past a couple dates. Had they broken it off with you? Or had you been the one to? 

He knew you were considered pretty, at least by human standards. So you were probably the one who was out there breaking souls. Fuck. You were probably going to throw him aside if you didn’t ‘match’. But what was it that you were looking for in a mate? He needed to know, so he didn’t make the same mistakes as the others had. He needed to be perfect for you.

 

«I got time right now, don’t really feel like sleeping so anyways.»

 

Especially not considering he’d be up worrying about if he was doing anything wrong, and if he needed to change his approach completely.

 

«Well, there was this one guy. The ‘Vegeterian’. Basically he was just really possessive, even if we just went out once. Called my friends idiots, when he wasn’t clever at all. By that I mean, he wasn’t book smart, had no social smarts whatsoever, no culture. I mean, who insults and threatens peoples friends?»

«A… Uh, a dick?»

«Heh! True. But the reason why he’s dubbed the ‘Vegetarian’ is because at the time we were both vegetarians. He absolutely detested everyone that ate meat, according to him, eating meat equaled to that you were a murderer. Said he wouldn’t date me unless I went vegan. I’ll eat whatever the hell I want! So after letting him down, and him calling me homophobic slurs, because if I didn’t want to date him I was apparently a lesbian, I ate a shit-ton of meat out of spite. Got really sick, but at the time it felt like it was worth it.»

 

You laughed, and he couldn’t help but chuckle as well. Well, he wasn’t going to change your diet. Food was food, and as long as you ate it, he wouldn’t even think too much about it. Yeah, as long as you ate food, he was happy. No need to starve yourself.

 

«Ugh, he was just… A terrible experience, but an experience none the less. Most of the bad dates have really only been bad dates because the other part has tried to make me into someone I’m not, or they’ve been really immature in the worst sense. One of them absolutely couldn’t treat me the same way he did in private as he did around his friends. The second one of his pals came to talk to us, I was either made entirely invisible, outed every single secret I’d told him or made me the butt of jokes.»

«Sounds awful.»

«Yeah, I mean, I love jokes. But when everything you do is made into a joke it’s just… Exhausting. Or when I have to be the adult in every fucking scenario. This one guy had a nasty habit of always trying to pick fights with everyone, and I had to calm the situation down. Took a couple of punches while he stood on the sideline. At least no one but me got too badly hurt, but it was completely unnecessary…»

«Wait, you mean to tell me, that you had to fight for your mate?! While they fucking stood there and watched?!»

«Well… Yeah? I’m always the one who has to diffuse a situation, and I’m the only one who can take a couple punches without hitting the ground immediately.»

 

Oh, he was fucking fuming right about now. Whoever let you get hurt, was seriously going to get a couple punches across their stupid fucking faces! Picking fights they can’t even finish, and letting you take the worst of it. How dare they?!

 

«It’s not that big of a deal, I’ll always stand up for friends and family. Heheh, actually got sliced up pretty badly once too. Not the same guy, no, she was a spitfire when drunk. We were on our way back to mine, and she decided to pick a fight with a couple of dudes that catcalled us. Not the best decision when we were both inebriated, but I couldn’t let her get hurt.»

«So you got stabbed?»

«Sliced. Grabbed the knife and tried to toss it aside, bad decision because I cut my hand. Had to go straight to the ER to get stitches. My parents were so pissed off, and the girl and I stopped talking to each other after that. Guess she must’ve been embarrassed about it?»

«Stars, you get into a lot of trouble on behalf of trying to defend others. Why did you even court these weaklings? They just let you take shit, while they fucking watched.»

«Yeah… That won’t be a problem though? You aren’t going to go around picking fights?»

 

Fuck no. 

He wasn’t dumb enough to let you ever get hurt, and he sure as hell wasn’t stupid enough to ever let you see him dusting someone for even daring look in your direction. 

Plus, he was never ever going to let you get hurt.

What he could gather from this, was that the others had made the mistake to try and bend your strong soul into something it wasn’t, and that they weren’t loyal at all. You were right to give them up, if they can’t even defend their mate how the fuck do they expect to be able to date you?

Can’t fucking fight for you.

But he could, and he would. As much and as many times as he needed to, he’d never fucking let you down. He was strong enough to handle it, he’d never fucking let you get hurt.

 

«Course not. Even so, I would never let you fight alone. Stars, they were terrible mate material, can’t even defend themselves or you.»

«Eh, I guess. Don’t really need anyone to defend me, but I’d at least like someone to be able to defend themselves. Not that I won’t help! Just… Preferably no fighting. I’m a pacifist at heart, even if I have had to hand out a couple punches. Too old for all of that negativity.»

 

Hearing you yawn, he finally realized how late it truly was. You needed to get some rest, even if he wanted to hear you talk. You were just… So easy and pleasant to talk to. But you needed sleep, his mate needed to be well rested.

Even if you’re not technically his mate yet, it was just so nice to think about. Having you in his bed, covered in his scent, sleepily smiling at him and just resting beside him. That’s all he wanted, just being able to protect you while you slept. His mate, his wonderful headstrong mate.

 

«You doing anything important tomorrow, eh, today, Sans?»

 

Oh, he loved it when you said his name. It just rolled off your tongue so naturally. But it’d be so much better if you were screaming his name in pleasure. Have you writhing in his sheets, chanting his name as if it was the only word you knew. 

His mate, all his, moaning out his name.

Stars above, the mental image was just too good. 

 

«Uh… Not really.»

«Mh, okay. I have a late shift tomorrow, you won’t mind it if I call you around… 8 pm-ish?»

«Of course not.»

«Good, because I’m pretty tired now. It’s very nice talking to you, I’ll tell you more about the essay tomorrow, when I’m not so tired… Good night Sans, sweet dreams.»

«Night… Sweet dreams.»

 

And then you hung up. Which was when more mental images of you started flooding. Some innocent, but most of them not at all. He knew it wasn’t a very good idea to keep imagining you like that, especially with his heat slowly, yet steadily coming up. But he really couldn’t help himself. You were just so… Perfect.

Everything about you were great, from the way you talked, to your physical features, and stars, you had some wonderful physical features. Your skin was soft, and smooth, and you gave the fucking best damn hugs. Even if he’d only gotten to touch you briefly, it was just so electrifying to be able touch you.

He knew he was flushing by now, if the heat on his bones were anything to go on. But even if he just wanted to masturbate right now, he probably shouldn’t. Though he’d told you he didn’t have anything important to do today, he still had to go to work. He did need some sleep, even if it’d probably be terrible.

If he started now, he’d probably not stop until he became too exhausted, and then there was also the fact that the two of you were just at the start of this courtship. He’d only gotten to officially meet you twice, he couldn’t let himself become too obsessed with you.

Couldn’t let himself get too lost in those beautiful eyes of yours.

No, he needed to focus. Couldn’t let himself forget that he was still in a very vulnerable position. He just needed to get that one damned kiss and then he could finally let himself give into it all. 

Then, and only then would he let himself truly fall for you.

It wasn’t that long to wait either, no, he would be patient. But just for now, because right now he needed to be. Needed to keep you satisfied, needed to keep a small distance. Sure, he was inexperienced, but he knew as much. Can’t be possessive until he was absolutely sure.

Soon though, yet not soon enough, you’d be with him. You belonged to him, right? You had to be his, there was no other possible way you could be this nice to him of all people if you weren’t. And then, you’d be his until he was nothing but fucking dust. But right now, he’d wait.

 

You were going to be worth the wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HMMMM - Reader is a heartbreaker? Who knows how this'll work out??? :0
> 
> Hope you liked this new chapter!!
> 
> As always, I'm available on Twitter - under @Nonfigurativt. If you wanna chat, or want to know if I'm working on the chapters, and their progress, or when they're being posted, you should follow me ˆˆ
> 
> I also wanted to throw in a bit of Readers pov. in this new chapter, mostly because it's a bit of a 'filler' chapter. If you guys are interested I've also finished writing the Bonus chapter for chap 1. (the original chapter) The first chapter was actually supposed to be in Readers perspective, but it kind of got discarded in the process. I have re-written all chapters so many times. (aka. I have so many chapters that has never been posted) most of them are at least 3000-7000 words each. So if anyone's interested in reading the ones I trashed, just y'kno, hmu or something.
> 
> Dunno… Plus, don't you guys fucking worry about the smut, its… cumming… ;))))))))))))))  
> (probably not until chapter 5 or 6, but I'm working on them)


	4. Death Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read - there is body horror in parts of this chapter, mention of death/wanting to die, generally a lot of angst.  
> This is kind of a filler chapter, so if you don't like reading about things like that, you can skip it!  
> Just thought I'd mention that, just in case.

A shushing noise, a sharp light.

 

There was someone present.

 

«C’mon, it’s not safe here, we have to go!»

 

A familiar voice.

The panicked voice led him through the thick snow, and with the sharp light, it felt blinding. 

 

«They’re coming for us, we have to continue moving if we want to live.»

 

All that he knew was that he couldn’t do anything but trust the voice, supposedly leading him to somewhere safe. Who was after them? Where was he? Why are they running? Is he running?

 

«Wait here, if someone comes, run.»

 

The blinding light was hurting him, but slowly, yet steadily, he regained his vision. 

Back in the Underground, back in Snowdin’s ‘vast’ forest. The snow was steadily falling, a chill ran through him. This is not where he wanted to be. He wasn’t safe. Someone was hunting him down. Should he move? The voice had told him not to, but could he trust them? Even if it was a familiar voice, he still couldn’t fully recognize who the other person was.

Was this… Real?

He heard a sharp crack behind him, and he couldn’t do anything but freeze up. His chest ached, his soul felt heavy. He tried swallowing, but he couldn’t feel his mouth anymore. Did he even have a mouth? Did he even have a body? 

The movement of limbs were non-existent, so either someone was using their blue magic on him, or he literally didn’t have a body anymore. More noises, of branches breaking under something heavy, the wind howling making the trees groan and creek. Someone was walking, closer, if he got anything from the crunches he heard in the snow.

Feeling someone breath down his neck, he clenched his jaw. Something was behind him, something dangerous.

 

«There you are.»

 

Shit, he was dead. The voice had told him to run, but he couldn’t move, he was stuck. 

But with a chill running right through him, the other presence was suddenly gone. As fast as it had come, it was gone. 

 

«I know what you did.»

 

There was that voice again, and as the environment slowly shifted into a dark void, he could finally see who was talking to him. He could finally see the other person.

 

«How could you?»

 

What the hell were they talking about? Were they even talking to him?

 

«You’ve been lying to me. You’ve been lying to me the entire time!»

 

The agitated screams of the person, forced him to focus solely on their face. 

More specifically, your face.

 

«They did nothing wrong! They were fucking innocent!»

 

It hurt.

It hurt so incredibly much, because he knew exactly what you were talking about. You knew what he’d done. He couldn’t look away, only stare at you as your face was morphing in and out of focus. He’d just wanted to survive, he didn’t want to!

 

«They just wanted to live, they just wanted to go back home… They wanted their mothers, they were crying out for them. I know they were young, I knew they were barely past the age of passing, but they were still screaming for their mommies like children. How-how could you do that to someone?!»

 

The void was shifting, amplified screams of the humans he’d had to kill call for their mothers, fathers, someone, anyone! Their souls were crying in agony, just wanting someone to help them, to save them!

 

«Who the fuck do you think you are?! Who the hell are you to decide who lives and dies?»

«I’m the judge.»

 

Who’s… Who’s voice had that been?

Certainly not his, but he knew he was the judge… Right?

 

«They had their whole life ahead of them! They hadn’t hurt anyone, you could’ve figured something out. But you just wanted the quick and easy way, you didn’t fucking think, and look at who suffered. Look at the people’s life you decided to fucking destroy!»

 

He knew what would happen next.

He knew he’d see them.

Closing his sockets, he tried to shut the world out, tried to shut everything that would make him scream. 

But something grabbed him, he could feel someone’s hands on his jaw. He could feel small fingers running down his spine, he could feel something scratch against his radius, scraping at his ulna. Something pounding harshly at his sternum, as he tried to keep his sockets closed.

 

«You did this. So why aren’t you looking?»

«I am the butcher.»

«I don’t care who you think you are! They were so full of life…»

 

The hands were dragging him further into a soggy pit, he could feel the thick murkiness of some mud-like texture seep in-between his metatarsal bones, soon covering his feet entirely. The fingers were unrelenting, touching him everywhere. Didn’t matter where, his fibula, ribs, inside of his skull. 

 

«…What are you doing? No, no, no, no! Don’t you fucking dare.»

«In this world, it’s eat or be eaten, human.»

«So- what, you’re going to kill me? Eat me?»

«That was the idea. Y’see we’re kinda starving, ain’t nothing personal kiddo. When a monster dies, they turn to dust, while when a human dies… They leave behind their flesh. Just waiting to be consumed. I’m thinking we’re going to make great use of those legs of yours. Strong calves, those look very… Tasty.»

 

No.

No, he wasn’t going to allow this to happen. He’d promised to keep you safe right? Hadn’t he? He must’ve, because he didn’t want to kill you. He didn’t want you dead.

 

«And those beautiful eyes of yours, I’ll salt ‘em and let them slowly dry. Turn them into a fine crispy snack. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? I will make good use of your body. Don’t worry. You can trust me human.»

«No, stop, stop it! Don’t touch me, stay back! I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you, and I’m sure you don’t really want to hurt me. We can make a deal?»

 

You can’t fucking deal with the devil.

This was wrong, he needed to stop you from getting hurt. 

Opening his jaw to scream for you to run, he felt something coming out from the insides of his jaw. Fingers were moving out of his throat. The fingers were gripping his teeth and jaw from the inside and out. His sockets flew open, and he saw bloody dirtied fingers. The fingers were alive and moving, and he couldn’t make any other noise, other than choked whimpers.

 

«No… No please don’t! I’ll give you anything you want, don’t hurt me!»

 

He could see your frame cowering in fear, but you were paralyzed, blue magic covering your soul. Tears were streaming down your face, your skin had turned black and white. It looked as if you were slowly dying, your face drying up, veins turning darker yet darker.

A twisted version of himself was standing in front of you, grinning smugly, a cleaver in hand. No, please, fuck, not her. Anyone but her! You’d done nothing wrong!

The scratching in his throat got worse, and he could feel the fingers starting to move out further. Whatever was inside him wanted out, and he could already feel the strain in his jaw, as he was forced to watch you.

 

«I’m begging you! Please… Sans! Don’t hurt me, I don’t want to die!»

«Well, y’see, I don’t give a fuck about your pathetic pleas. But I’ll do you a favor. I’ll make it as quick and painless as possible.»

 

Much too soon the fingers had conjured up into a full hand, and was on the move, slowly an entire arm had moved out of his mouth. No, this was all wrong, he’d never hurt you! He could never kill you, he didn’t want you to die.

Your face was morphing in and out of focus, blurry, yet he could still see you watching him and not this other version of him standing in front of you.

 

«Please don’t hurt me.»

 

As his other form let out a maniacal laugh, the hand had grabbed his face and started their hard, dedicated job of trying to rip out more pieces of his skull, tugging, grabbing, cracking. His concerns and fear was immediately disrupted from the arm, as you let out a soul piercing scream, and he saw your falling form. 

Not you, no, anyone but you!

The arm vanished, and he tried his best to crawl his way over to your form, the ground making him slowly yet steadily sink. He had to get to you, he had to save you from himself, he couldn’t let you get hurt. 

That’s when the other version of himself decided to turn his skull and stared at him with a pitiful look. All he could feel was fear, and the sensation of slowly sinking into the soggy pit of the void. The form crouched down and held up his head.

 

«It is truly laughable that you like her. You think someone like that would ever care about you? The humans will always lie to get out of an uncomfortable situation. We know this.»

«…Y-you’re wrong.»  
«Oh, you are such a good comedian. Stop it, you’re actually going to make me laugh! Someone like her, loving someone like us? We’re disgusting, we’re repulsive, and we like it. We like killing weaklings like her, and both you and I know she’d be very tasty. She’s nothing but walking food. Kind words and an attractive body will not change that fact.»

«No! No, you’re wrong! We’re wrong! She cares about us!»

«Why would she?! We’ve killed her kind, we’ve ripped apart their flesh as if it was nothing and eaten it. She means nothing! And then you leave me to pick up the pieces, fixing you. Just lean back and enjoy the show. Not like you can move, so… We’ll finally get to see her flesh, that’s what you wanted? Right?»

«Not like this, never like this.»

 

You weren’t moving, he just needed to get to you. He just needed to help you, but it was true, what his other version had told him, he was pathetic. As he attempted and struggled to get closer, he was sinking even further into the tar.

His other version was grinning all the while, his eye light huge in his socket, clearly amused at his attempt. 

 

«You can’t save her, because you don’t want to. This is easier, isn’t it? There’s nothing to worry about, because she doesn’t exist anymore.»

«She’s our soulmate! She’s my fucking soulmate, I need to protect her!»

 

A loud scoff and his other version rose from his scrunched position to kick you harshly. Over and over, but your form wasn’t making any noises. You weren’t breathing.

 

«I destroyed her soul. She’s dead. No soul, no soulmate to worry about. It’s easier this way.»

«No! No it’s… She’s… She’s your damned soulmate too, how could you…?»

«We don’t deserve someone like her. Just another mouth to feed too.»

«I don’t fucking care! I don’t care if I’d die from starving, I don’t care if everyone fucking died, I just… She-I… I just needed to keep her safe.»

«And, now your crying? Hah! Stars, your so fucking funny. If you truly felt that way about her, then why did you kill her? Why did you break her pretty little soul? Why didn’t you keep her safe?»

 

Feeling tears stream down, his vision shifted. No he, he hadn’t killed you? He was holding the cleaver, he was staring down at your form. You weren’t moving. Neither was he. He’d killed you, he’d shattered your soul, you were no more. 

Dropping the cleaver, he grabbed at your form, shaking you. You were melting, there was dust leaving your form. Clutching you close, he called out your name, over and over. Chanted it like it was the only thing that mattered. 

He hadn’t meant to, he didn’t want to, you were slowly turning into dust and he was screaming for you.

 

———

 

«Brother, Are You Alright? You Seem Really Out Of It This Morning… Did It… Happen Again?»

 

Now his brother, well aware of his excruciating depression, anxiety and isolation, knew of the many terrors he went through every night. Sometimes they were so unspeakable he couldn’t do anything the following day. Today seemed to be one of those days.

 

«… Yeah.»

 

His brother, ever the saint, didn’t question him any further, pouring him a glass of water and placing some oatmeal in front of him. It’s not that Papyrus didn’t care about his brother, he just knew that questioning him as of now, this close to the happenings, would result in a panic attack on his brothers side.

If he were to wake up a bit more, and get into the sense of what was real and what wasn’t, he’d soon enough be able to tell his brother of what he’d dreamt of. But this nightmare was new, mostly because it had involved you. He’d woken up in a pit of his own sweat, dry heaving, gasping for air, throat raspy from screaming in his sleep. 

Shit, his neighbors would probably file another complaint about that. He should probably move into a house, money wasn’t that big an issue on the surface, with the conversion of literal gold into the human currency. It was more due to the fact that neither his or his brother’s work was not too far off. Meaning that they’d get to meet up for lunch times and enjoy some time together in privacy at their apartment.

It wasn’t ideal, but he couldn’t bear the thought of being too far away from his brother. His brother was one of the few things he actually cared about in this world. His brother… And now you apparently. 

He knew that his soul jumping at the chance to protect you and keep you close was his unconscious monster instinct to protect his mate. But the two of you hadn’t even gotten to your second date, which was far too quickly for a human to engage in a romantic relationship with probably anyone. At least he thought so?

Not entirely certain about where he stood with you, he decided to file it in the back of his mind and ate his porridge in peace. No, right now he should probably analyze the nightmare and break it down so he’d have something to tell his brother besides ‘bad dream’. His brother worried so much about him.

In his dream, a version of him had killed you. Now what the hell did that mean? The talk about you only being food with legs was disturbing him on another level. Would he have killed you in the Underground? Or would he have actually noticed you and taken the time to consider who you might be?

The thought of him killing you was unpleasant on so many levels, but at this point it was unavoidable. He’s not sure about the specifics of the words interchanged between him and his dream self, but he knows it was less than good. He couldn’t help but blink, as he shuffled more food into his gaping maw. 

 

«Do you…»

«What Was That Brother?»

 

It’s not like he wanted to ask his brother this question, it’s not like he even wanted to think about it. But it was necessary if he wanted to get it all out of his system, he knew that.

 

«Do you think I would have hurt… That I woulda hurt her?»

«Who Do You Mean?»

«My… Y’know… Do you think I woulda harmed her… Back in the Underground?»

 

His brother went quiet. Unmoving. 

Either he was thinking or he was seriously disturbed by him even asking this question. Probably both.

 

«Sans… What We Had To Do Underground Was For Our Survival. If There Was Any Way Around It, Then We Would’ve Done It.»

«I didn’t… I woulda killed her, wouldn’t I?»

«It’s… Sans, What We Had To Do, Is Not What We Wanted To Do. I Know Its A Weight We’ll Both Carry For A Long Time, And Its A Heavy Burden, But… We’re On The Surface Now, What Happened Underground Is Not Something We Can Change. It Happened, And All We Can Do Is Look Forward. We Have All The Food We Need, And I Know You Do Not Wish To Harm Her. We’re Safe Now.»

«I’m a fucking awful person, I woulda taken her life and not even stopped to talk to her. I would’ve killed her and eaten-»

«Sans!»

 

He stopped. Deep down, he knew his brother was right. This talk wasn’t going to help him or anyone really. He was on the surface, he had his brother fully intact and alive, he had all the food he needed, and he’d never need to harm anyone ever again. But there was still that part of him, that continued whispering that he would’ve killed you, had you not been in this situation.

 

«We’re Safe. You’re Here. Not There. She’s Here. Not There.»

«I know, but still… I could’ve… Fuck, I don’t want to even…»

«I Know Its Eating Away At You, But You’ll Never Be Put In That Situation Ever Again. Now, Where Are We?»

«On the surface…?»

«Good! Where Is Your Mate?»

«She’s not my-… On the surface.»

«Great! We’re All On The Surface. Now That It's Established That We’re All On The Surface, Safe And Sound, Its Important That You Know That You Will Never Be Forced Into A Situation Like That. It’s In The Past. Its A Foul Memory, Which Is Why You Need To Fill Every Future Memory With Happy Ones.»

 

Stars… He knew his brother was right. He knew that every word he said was the truth. But he was still the same godawful creature he’d been deep in the Underground. The only thing that had changed was that there was now a steady income of food.

Who were he kidding?!

Of course he didn’t deserve to be treated as well as he was. Not by Papyrus, not by you, not by anyone. 

If you’d been underground, he’d have fucking killed you, not even waited for your initial response and torn away the flesh from your body. Not a single word uttered from your precious lips would have meant shit to him. You’d have been dead if you’d crossed that door, just a little border. Just a fucking step.

Or, you’d have died before he’d even managed to maul your fucking body. Fuck, he shouldn’t be near you, he should just forget you ever existed and isolate himself. At least he’d never hurt you, because how could he hurt you, if he wasn’t even there?

 

«Sans… I Know You’re Thinking About Something Bad, But You Really Need To Stop Hurting Yourself Like This. Tell Me What You’re Thinking, And We’ll Work Through it. Together.»

«I… I don’t ever wanna see her again.»

«That’s Preposterous! I Know For A Fact That You Do! You Just Can’t Focus On The Good Things-»

«What good things?! There are no fucking good things Papyrus! I’m only going to hurt her, I just fucking know it! If I just… Keep her away from me, she’ll never get fucking hurt! I don’t… I don’t want her anymore.»

«…Sans. I Know You Don’t Want To Hurt Her. But If You Do Isolate Yourself, I Believe You Will.»

 

No! No, you fucking wouldn’t. If you didn’t have him in your life, everything would be good. You’d be able to do your job, continue your studies, not get gawked at like a fucking weirdo, be able to take your mate out in public like any other normal couple, you’d find a perfectly suitable human and live your fucking life!

He’d just fuck you up. If he continued letting himself into your life like this, you’d get royally screwed over. You’d fucking lose everything, all because he decided to be fucking selfish and take an actual interest in someone! 

Anger was bubbling up in his chest and he really felt like punching something, so he did the next best thing, and tugged at his socket. He wasn’t even trying to be gentle, as he continued his tugs, the feeling of screams overcoming him.

Hearing his brother chanting and telling him to stop, was ignored, as he continued tugging again, and again. His soul was telling him to stop, but he continued. He didn’t want to think anymore, he just wanted to feel the pain, he just wanted to be angry, he just wanted everything to fucking end.

Because it’d be so much easier for the world if he wasn’t present in it no more. Maybe he should just move back into the Underground with the monsters who’d gone completely fucking feral, because he couldn’t fucking control himself either. He didn’t deserve this, he didn’t deserve food, he didn’t deserve to see the fucking sun, he deserved to be tortured for everything that he did!

It wasn’t until his hand was firmly grabbed, and he felt blue magic wash over him, that he finally focused on the world around him. Suddenly hyper aware of everything.

 

«SANS! YOU WILL STOP IT THIS INSTANT OR I SWEAR-!»

«Swear on what?! Paps… I… I can’t do this anymore… I can’t be here, I can’t stay on the surface…»

«WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! OF COURSE YOU CAN!»

«N-no, I can’t… I can’t keep on… I don’t…»

«YES. YOU CAN! YES, YOU CAN STAY ON THE SURFACE! YOU HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT TO BE HERE AS ANYONE ELSE!»

«No, I don’t. Papyrus, I can’t stay here… I’ll hurt her… I’ll hurt you… I’ll hurt so many people, it’s not safe…»

«SANS. IM… Listen Very Carefully Right Now. What You, And I, Were Forced To Do For The Sake Of Survival Has Indeed Impacted Us. But If We Wanted To Survive, And Help Others Survive, We HAD To Do Those Things. Its Awful, I Know It Is, I Was There. I Did Gruesome Things Too… If You Don’t Deserve To Be On The Surface, Do I?»

«Of course you do!»

«Then Why Do You Treat Yourself So Differently, When We Both Had To Do The Same Thing?»

 

Staring at the table, he tried to shift, but he was still being held down by the magic. He wanted to move, to look anywhere but at his brother.

 

«It’s different, you-»

«NO! IT ISN’T! You Can’t Excuse My Behavior, If You Can’t Excuse Yours. It’s A Long Process, And You Might Never Accept The Fact That We Had To Do This. That We Were, Indeed, Forced To Do This. Do You Think I Wanted To Do, What We Did? NO! But We Did, And Now We Have To Continue Living, Or Everything We Fought For Would Go To Waste! We Have To Continue Looking Forward. It’s Hard, But You’re Not Alone.»

 

Feeling himself finally be able to move around, he stared at his brother. He looked so fucking sad, and he knew it was all his fucking fault. It was true, every fucking word his brother spoke was true. He couldn’t change anything, he couldn’t undo what he’d done. But it was just… so hard, so fucking hard, to continue surviving.

Breaking down into tears, he closed his sockets and was quickly in his brothers embrace. He couldn’t reset, he couldn’t fix what he’d done. Frisk was gone, as was Flowey. No one could reset the world, no one could change this outcome even if he wanted to. He never meant to hurt anyone, he never wanted to. He didn’t enjoy it one fucking bit.

He just wanted to feel, be, normal. He would gladly give away his fucking soul for just a slice of that. He just wanted to live in peace. He didn’t want to feel like this. He didn’t want to feel or even think about the Underground. He just wanted to feel good. Normal.

As his brother shushed him, and told him that everything was going to be alright, he couldn’t help but wonder what being normal would feel like. Probably a whole lot better. It’d probably not consist of the horrible dreams he had, and the fact that he felt like constantly belittling himself and dying. He’d probably be able to see from both his eyes, and not look like a fucking horror show. 

Maybe he’d actually be able to deserve someone like you. Maybe, if he was normal you’d actually fall in love with him, and he’d spend the rest of his life with someone that might even be his fucking soulmate. 

It was kind of funny how he just kept on thinking about you, how you’d managed to writhe your way into his mind like that and just stick. He don’t think he’ll ever forget you, even if you’d leave him. Because, how the hell could he? Even if he forgot his own fucking name sometimes, you’d never leave his mind. 

Thinking about you, in a better context, made him feel slightly less awful. You probably had a good nights sleep, in fact, you were probably still sleeping as you said something about having a late shift. All he could think about now, was your sleepy face, and oh, what a treat that’d be to see in person.

Thoughts of you were slowly making him get better, if he was back in the Underground, he’d never see you again. He’d never get to see you waking up, or your smile, or receive one of your healing hugs. 

 

Maybe he’d stick around… For at least a bit longer. 

 

Just for you.

 

̃* ̃

 

You were shaking, lip quivering, nostrils flaring as you were taking short intakes of air. Fat dollops of tears were streaming down your face, running over your cheeks and falling on your shirt, dampening it in the process. Your eyebrows were clenched together, and a familiar pounding illuminated by warmth was making its way smack on your face.

Feeling your heart beating almost rapidly in your chest, you pressed your palm over it. Reminding yourself to breathe was difficult as you shook, thoughts streaming in over how useless your existence was. What was the fucking point anyway?

Even if you knew this way of thinking was temporary, it still hurt, as you realized your own existence was only temporary. You’ve known this for a long time, you knew that one day you’re going to die, and everything that once mattered to you will be erased from existence.

There’ll be no do over, there’ll be no second chances.

Life is so short, and can be filled with so much happiness, yet all you could do was worrying over the fact that you were not always going to be alive. It terrified you, and as you gasped for as much air you could fill in your lungs at the moment, you could feel the bed shaking beneath you.

Trying to talk out loud to yourself, telling yourself that you were fine, that this was fine, didn’t help. As your stomach was doing flips, and the pounding head ache was making itself worse, you grabbed your phone, and searched in a wild flurry for your headset.

Whenever you got like this, you needed to distract yourself, you needed to get away from all the pain, you needed to think about something aside from death. Sniffling, you entered your phone’s password falsely two times before it finally opened. Pressing YouTube’s app icon, you opened one of your playlists with calming music.

An ad popped up and you cursed it’s existence as you pressed the dislike button, and then eventually the skip button that appeared after 5 seconds. A sweet tune popped up, and you clambered out of bed, ripping open your nightstands little drawer. Grabbing a packet of cigarettes and your trusty lighter, you managed to get to the window with shaky knees.

Suddenly you exist, and you’d already existed for such a long time, you were going to die soon. The cigarettes weren’t really helping your case, but damn if you didn’t need one right now. Moving the curtains out of the way, so you had a view from your balcony into the courtyard of your complex, you put the items on your window still and opened up your window.

The glass itself had shook a bit when you’d slammed it open, and you bit your lip hoping it didn’t break. But luckily it was still held together. The gentle tunes played on and on, songs about love and living a life of roses filled your ears and thoughts.

Opening the packet, you put the cigarette between your lips, and stared at the lighter as you tried your best to flick it on. It was more difficult considering you were still shaking and the cold breeze was hitting you across the face, but as soon as the flame was lit up, you puffed on your cigarette. Successfully lighting it up, you took a deep inhale.

It’s sensation was causing a bit of a burn in your lungs, but you didn’t care as you moved the stick out from your face, and breathed smoke out your nose. Leaning forward on the window still, the sharp wood caving into your stomach, you stared out into the darkness.

This wasn’t your first rodeo, and it probably wouldn’t be your last.

Although you knew smoking was not a healthy coping mechanism, what else could you do? The result of sudden thoughts about how you were going to die, which sometimes would spiral into terrible panic attacks, was keeping you up at night. If you could afford seeing a therapist you would. But how the shit would you even get the funds for that?

The rent was fucking high, too high, and the only thing you had to support yourself with was your little job. Lately, they’d even cut down on your amount of shifts. You knew the business wasn’t booming, like it had been when you’d started working during your second year of getting your bachelors degree, but it was doing fine. 

Everything should be fine, but you were still worrying about the ‘What if’s’. What if business was not doing fine? What if your manager thought you were doing a horrible job? What if customers were complaining about you, and you weren’t notified? What if you were getting fired?!

Not very deep down, your sense of reason was trying to comfort you, but these thoughts were filling your cluttered mind, making it almost impossible to listen. You were doing a good job. Business is doing fine. Manager got a little pissy when you accidentally made a mistake, but you corrected it! Customers were not complaining about anything you did, just the prices, and that is only sometimes! You’re doing fine.

Even so, if not for the fact that you had Bee, you’d be out on the streets by now. No, no you wouldn’t. Your family would take you in, and you had great friends who would definitely let you live at their couch while you got your shit back together. You had a fall back plan! Nothing was going to hurt you, you were safe.

While taking another deep inhale of your cigarette, you gently tapped the stick with your thumb, watching the hot ash fall onto your balcony. The cold and fresh air was helping your face and headache, the nicotine was calming you down.

Life is rough. Life is hard. Life will beat you across the face so many times, and then drag your flailing self across shards of glass. 

But you were still alive, you were still fighting. 

Even though it felt like everything came crashing down on you sometimes, you knew that you should continue to try your best at living. You should continue to be kind to others, you needed to at least try to focus on the good things in life. Because even if you squint, there is a lot of positive things in the world!

For starters, you had your family. Even if you didn’t feel like calling them at the moment to tell them about how you were feeling, when you felt comfortable and awake, you could! You had Bee, your very lovely roommate, who definitely wouldn’t mind you dropping in on her after you’d brushed away the smoke smell from your mouth, perfumed your neck and put some of your dry shampoo in your hair. 

You had other friends who were either doing live streams at the moment, or were pulling a last minute paper, or people who were just gaming, who you could call. Plus, even if it was too early to do a thing like that, you could probably call the guy you were dating.

Life wasn’t half bad right now, you were just worried about losing everything. Your worries were there because you were doing alright, and you were afraid of losing it all. But you weren’t. You weren’t losing anything, you were only gaining more and more positive things as you were moving on in life.

Days could be bad, filled with strangers who could make your whole week feel like shit, but then again, you always came out learning something new. Mostly that people can be shitty, but also how to deal with things, how to talk a certain way and how to improve yourself.

There’s a certain point to everything, absolutely everything has a meaning. 

A small gesture might seem insignificant to you specifically, but it can mean everything to someone else. Giving up your seat to a kid on the bus, because you want them to stay safe. Helping your neighbors carry up their groceries, just because you want to see their smile. Greeting the service worker behind the counter at your local grocery shop, just because that’s what you want to hear when customers show up at your work.

All these small things, they have a meaning, even if you didn’t think about it too much when it all went down. The kid would learn mannerisms and generosity, remember how kindly they were treated and repeat this. The neighbor could have had a bad day, and then they’d get at least some help that could greatly improve their day and show them how the world might not be so bad. Or how the service worker could’ve had a terrible customer before and felt like garbage, and how you greeting and small talking, could make them think ‘hey, its not so bad working here if there’s people like you’.

The point to living, isn’t to always feel happy. It’s to learn, it’s to continuously doing things, it’s for gaining more knowledge as you move further in life. Experiencing the wonders and the awful things. You always learn.

 

Taking yet another deep drag, you stared at the smoke that came from your exhale. The sinful beauty of smoke and fog mixing up and tainting the air with its scent. It’s not good for you, and you only ever did it when your mind couldn’t stop cluttering. The nicotine just felt so relaxing, yet you hated yourself for resorting to such measures.

Healthier coping mechanisms could be very difficult to get into, at times. ‘Monkey see, Monkey do’ you thought, as you dabbed some excess ash onto your balcony. Not like your parents had smoked, or anyone else in your family. It had been something you’d seen your ‘cool’ friends do back in middle school as they coughed, huffed and hacked and told you about it.

Not that you’d even picked it up back then, but just as you'd started studying, and all the pressure fell onto your bare shoulders, you were gently reminded about it being ‘relaxing’ and you’d unfortunately picked up your first packet of cigarettes. Yet, you only ever used it on bad days. Only when you couldn’t deal with your own illogical thoughts.

And even if they weren’t illogical, because yes, one day you would definitely die, you knew there was not much of a point dragging yourself through the dirt of them. 

Alas, you took a couple more puffs, and tossed the cigarette into a pot of dying flowers that was filled with water and old cigs. You were finally back on track. Finally thinking clearly, at the very least not focusing on things you couldn’t fight.

Maybe you should see a therapist about this, but hey, right now you didn’t have the money for it. Sure, your parents would probably support you if you told them you needed the funding. But… That just didn’t sit right with you.

Your excruciating need to be independent was causing you more harm than if you’d have been more dependent and clingy. You wanted to do things on your own, even if you managed to fuck up most of the time. You wanted to be able to buy things, do things, travel, anything really, on your own.

Though you knew that to this point it was a toxic mindset, that was just… How you were sometimes. That was just how you thought and processed. You wanted to fix your fuck ups on your own, you wanted to be so great at everything that you’d never fuck up. And even if you do realize that you can’t be good at everything, and mediocrity is fine, you still felt the urge to do your best. That’s just how it was to be you.

Moving towards your bathroom, you looked yourself in the mirror. Cheeks sticky from the tears, eyes red and a bit puffy, dark purplish underlines forming just beneath your eyes. Your hair a bit of a sweaty and disheveled mess. Your skin was doing awfully alright however, albeit a couple of zits forming on your forehead and chin. 

 

Not too shabby. You were going to be alright. Nothing a good warm shower in the morning couldn’t fix.

 

Brushing your teeth, once more, you continued staring at your own reflection. If there was anything about you that you considered beautiful, it was your eyes. A very normalized part to consider beautiful, but you couldn’t help but study your iris as you brushed away the foul smell of smoke.

Seemingly lost in your own eyes for a moment, you spit and rinsed, drying away a bit of minty foam from the sides of your lips. Washing your hands in the cold water, soaping them up with soap that smelled of lavender. Bee’s favorite scent. 

Aside from your hair reeking of smoke, your mouth and fingers were surprisingly ridden of the bad smell. Searching the cabinet, you found your dry shampoo and sprayed your roots. Tossing your hair in layers, you kept spraying and staring at your hair, that was turning a bit grayish. 

Smelling a bit like cherries, you put down the spray on the counter, and tossed your hair around, massaging your scalp. All focus was on ridding yourself of the smoky smell, rather than the thoughts of death. Putting the spray back into the cabinet, and pulling out your ‘body mist’, you doused yourself in it.

You’d gone from smelling sour, to smelling like a perfume shop. But not like, too strong either, just flowery and sugary. Even if you did prefer the citrus smell the most, you were considerate of picking up scents that you knew your roommate enjoyed. 

She was the one who would be smelling you the most, so it was only considerate, right? At least you thought so, as you’d taken her to your shop and tried helping her find a scent that you could wear that she wouldn’t absolutely hate. Maybe it was considered way too considerate, but you didn’t want her to hate the way you and the apartment would smell after you spritzed yourself. 

For good measure, you went into your room and spritzed away, trying to kill off the scent of smoke.

The world might be shit, but at least you’d try your best to never actually smell the part.

Knocking on your roommates bedroom door, you waited. You knew she’d gone straight to bed after returning from her hangout session, completely exhausted from having too much fun. Completely red faced, tired, and a little smile on her lips as she’d returned to the shared apartment.

She was too sweet sometimes… But you still kind of needed to talk to her about the fact that she’d screamed in fear of the guy you were currently seeing. You had talked to her about it, you had given a very good description, and you had prepared her in every single way you could possibly think of before she’d met him.

Still, you kind of had mixed feelings about it. You knew he was a skeleton, and even if you knew he was a monster, he did look like a seemingly ‘dead human’. Bee was going to be afraid of him, and you knew that. You’d stupidly hoped she could associate him with someone in cosplay, before she got over the first initial shock and became familiar with the way he looked.

But alas, she’d screamed like she was being murdered, and that was not right in your book. Even if you knew that, yes, he could probably look kind of spooky to other people, he just looked like a big goof in your eyes? The head wound looked gnarly though, but even so, you couldn’t help but not feel scared.

Maybe you were the weirdo? Okay, yeah, you knew you were weird at times, but still. It’s not your fault that he was attractive. It’s not your fault that he knew how to make you laugh. It’s not your fault that you were very curious and interested in this guy.

You’d have a chat with Bee, but you promised yourself not to get too angry.

Opening the door, and entering her room, you slowly made your way to her bed. She wasn’t a heavy sleeper, but she was never fully awake when you asked if you could sleep next to her. She did tell you several times before, that it was completely alright for you to come into her room and sleep next to her, and you’d only take her up on that option whenever you were having a really bad time.

 

«Honey?»

 

Nudging her with your arm, she turned a bit and sighed. She mumbled out your name, and you couldn’t help the little breathy giggle that escaped you.

 

«Do you mind if I sleep here tonight? I… Can’t sleep.»

«Mhm… C’mere.»

 

Moving to the side, she tossed a bit of the blanket away, inviting and welcoming you to her warmth. You treasured her so fucking much, she was one of your very best friends. Gently letting yourself into her bed, you moved the blanket over your form, and she instantly cuddled up to you. Getting to spend time with one of the loveliest and kindest people in the world made a tear form in your eye. 

Scratching her scalp and playing with her hair, she sighed into your side. She wasn’t really the cuddliest person, at least she hadn’t been before she’d met you and she’d received comfort, love and several massages. It wasn’t a one-way deal, to enter each others room and ask for cuddles, as she’d pick up on that offer more than you did.

It was just really nice being able to have something steady in your life, that offered so much love and comfort. Lifting some stray hairs away from her face, giggling as she blew away some of the strands herself. She wasn’t fully awake, yet started to murmur something.

 

«Heh, what are you saying Bee?»

 

You cooed at her, as she rubbed away some sleep from her eyes.

 

«-Said… You’re kinda shakin’…»

 

Ah… The shakes had not died down yet, you’d just manage to busy yourself to the point where you weren’t really thinking about it.

 

«Guess I am… That bothering you?»

«Nah… You wanna talk about it…?»

«Not at the moment no… Mind if we talk in the morning?»

 

She squinted at you, looking as terrifying as a confused kitten, and let her head fall right back down on your chest. 

 

«Better not have treated you bad…»

«Hm? The date? No, he was very nice. Everything is good Bee, good night honey, love you.»

«…Love ya too.»

 

̃* ̃

 

He’d not been able to get to work that day, even if he’d managed to calm down significantly. Now, he was feeling nothing but apathy. His boss hadn’t really said much, only replied an ‘okay’ as he’d texted him ‘Im sick, will be back tomorrow’. The hours had slowly ticked by.

After his whole meltdown, his brother had gone off for work, and left him on the couch. Rolled up in a blanket, turned on the television, told him ‘it’d get better’ and left some snacks and a bottle of water on the coffee table. 

For a long time, he’d just stared at the ceiling, not focusing on anything. Not feeling anything, not thinking anything, just leaving his mind, soul and body. The sun had set a bit ago, and his brother had texted him that he just needed to finish cleaning, and then he’d soon be back.

Doing nothing productive for the day, shouldn’t have worn him out as much as he had, but then again, here he was. He should probably have gotten some reading done, but he wasn’t feeling up to it. He wasn’t even feeling up to watching the movie he’d winded up renting, a slasher movie. A surface classic.

No, nothing was appealing right now.

Shifting his position, he was still staring in the direction of his TV as he heard a horrible scream of yet another idiot dying. The slasher movie was shit in comparison to the movie he’d seen with you. Nothing surprised him here, and even if he’d preferred it before, right now it just felt uninteresting.

Finally looking at the screen he saw the now, somewhat poor make-up on the killers face and his stupid grin as he taunted the wounded idiot victim. Ah, yes, continue making fun of the victim, not like you’ll not be sealed away or killed at the end of the movie anyways… Maybe… It’d be more fun to watch with you?

If you wanted to of course… You did seem to like horror movies? You’d probably even seen this one before, so maybe not. Humans were prone to like things that they hadn’t seen a million times, right? He wasn’t sure, he just knew he fucking hated watching re-runs of MTT. 

That robot was so fucking stupid, and even if his brother enjoyed watching it, he couldn’t help but grit his teeth and power through every fucking show that aired, be it a new one, or an old one. Stupid asshat robot. He was so fucking sick of having to look at that robots stupid boxy form. 

In his annoyance, he hadn’t heard his own phone vibrate, until it fell off the coffee table with a hearty clack. Shit, he picked it up, hoping it hadn’t broken, and felt the vibration stop. Missed call? Unlocking his phone, he saw that you’d called him.

Wait, why the hell would you call him?

Didn’t you have anything to do- Oh hell. It’s a couple minutes past eight? Weren’t you… Were you supposed to call him? He’s… Not sure.

Why would you even call him? 

Sure, yesterdays talk had been nice, but was there any reason why you would have called him now? Had he forgotten something? Shit, he had, hadn’t he? Wracking his brain for reasons why you might have called him, he was coming up short. Unless… You wanted to cancel the second date.

Shit, no, no! He was doing so good! Wasn’t he?

This was fucking icing on the cake. Nightmare, breakdown, missing work, dissociating for hours upon hours, and now you deciding you never wanted to see him again. He… Couldn’t take it, so he just closed his phone and stared elsewhere.

If you didn’t want to go on a second date with him, why the hell would you plan a second date with him? Unless… He’d read your signals all wrong, and it’d been an attempt to reject him in the nicest way possible…? Fuck, it probably was, right?

He really, really didn’t want to answer if it was just you telling him you never wanted to talk to him again. His soul was aching at the thought of never getting to see you again, never hear your laugh, never feel the warmth of your embrace. Was it really so bad that he didn’t want to answer you?

When his phone began vibrating again, other thoughts roamed his skull. What if you weren’t calling him just to reject you? It was already dark outside, what if you were calling him because someone was after you?

The idea of someone attempting shit like that was… Plausible. You were really pretty… And you couldn’t tell when you were in danger, almost seeking it out. Of course any strange human would try to take advantage of you and your kindness! Shit, you were probably running for your life, and here he was, thinking you were rejecting him!

Instantly picking up the phone, he was about to scream for you to send your location, when he heard your gentle voice greet him. His soul was racing a mile a minute, feeding him lies of uncertainty, that you’d been kidnapped and this was you calling people for ransom, gun to your head. Shaking off the fear of you being in danger, and the fact that he was feeling this protective of you, he finally answered.

 

«Are you safe?»

«Uh… Yes? Why are you asking, Sans?»

«… You sure?»

«Uh… Well, yea, I’m on my way back home, sorry for the loud traffic noise in the background by the way.»

 

Shit, now he was worrying about the fucking traffic! Cars were fucking big, fast, and if a driver was careless enough, they could probably run you over! You were so soft, you’d just get turned to mush if it managed to hit you!

 

«Are you sure you’re safe?»

«Sans, really? You’re kind of worse than my mom… Almost as bad as me… But yes, I am 100% safe. Heck, if you’re worried about me waltzing through shady, dark back alleys, pockets stuffed to the brim with cash, then there’s no need to be. I’m walking on the inside of the sidewalk, very public, along my safe route, I can defend myself, there’s no need to worry. It’s just a short walk, okay?»

«Mh…»

«‘Yes, okay, you’re safe’ very good. This is why I wanted to call you so anyways, so I wouldn’t be walking alone back home from work. Not that this is late, at all really. Midnight walks are a lot of fun.»

«Midnight- are you fucking around?!»

«Heheh… I’d be lying if I said yes. Usually during summer times of course, it’s not that… Warm out right now.»

 

Seriously, did you never fucking worry about yourself?! Midnight walks… He hadn’t been this worried about your personal safety before, probably, but it was significantly enhanced right now. His soul told him to get a grip, march his bony ass over to wherever you were, and get you back to your den safe.

 

«I’m an adult Sans, I have street smarts.»

«If you’re doing midnight walks, alone, then no, you really don’t.»

 

That resulted in a snort and a curt laugh on your end.

 

«Seriously though, you don’t need to worry about me. I can fight my own battles just fine.»

«It’s not that I know you can’t, it’s more or less that I don’t want you to… Fight alone that is… Preferably no fighting at all.»

«That’s really sweet of you, but I don’t exactly walk around picking fights. I’m pretty docile I think? And not really an initial prime target for anyone. Don’t exactly flaunt my cash, I do have some muscle power, and I walk pretty fast, so? If I did get mugged, they’d probably just pity me for not having any cash.»

«But you have a really nice apartment though?»

«Thank you! And yes… That is where most of my money go, rent ain’t cheap bucko. Gotta pay a really pretty penny to keep it up to standard too.»

 

And now he just wanted to hand you a good amount of money. Not like he wanted to be your sugar daddy or something, he just didn’t want you to worry about things like rent and such. Wait, if that’s where most of your money went, then did that mean you were eating enough? Did you have enough food?

Now he felt kind of bad for not paying you for eating the food you’d made him. 

 

«If you’re worried about money then-»

«Oh no, I’m not worried. Trust me, I get by just fine. Honey and I have the perfect system, a really good budget, so money isn’t that big of a concern. We share meals, so we always get enough food, plus I don’t really shop for clothes? If I get really tired of having a blouse, shirt, pants, whatever, I swap clothes with my friends.»

«… Still, if you ever need anything, lemme know.»

«That’s sweet of you, but I am doing just fine. The only things besides rent, electricity, water and food, I ever really spend money on, don’t usually cost a lot. I don’t go out drinking anymore, if I want to watch a movie I got a shared Netflix and HBO account, and most of the art galleries I go to are free.»

 

That… Was oddly enough a bit satisfying. At least you weren’t struggling to get by, at least you got to enjoy yourself. He was just… Worrying for seemingly no other reason than his soul going in a somewhat ‘protective mode’.

 

«Anyways, how’s your day been Sans? Fun at work?»

 

Fuck.

He didn’t really want to lie to you, but at the same time, he didn’t feel like telling you he had a fucking nightmare and couldn’t get to work. He didn’t want you to think he was a child that couldn’t go to work, and he kind of didn’t really want you to know about his depression either. But he felt like you would at least appreciate some honesty.

 

«It’s been… It started out kind of rough, but getting to talk to you is making it better.»

«Aw… You’re really just a big ol’ sweetheart, you know that right?»

 

At least he hadn’t lied to you… He was feeling better now that he got to talk to you. Even if he felt worried about your safety, it was nice, getting to talk to you, even if it was just over the phone. Plus, you called him ‘sweetheart’.

 

«What about you? How was your day?»

«Eh… I slept well, cuddled up to Honey at some point. Unfortunately her alarm was blaring at 06 am and we couldn’t sleep afterwards so…? Ended up watching a couple episodes on her laptop before she had to leave for work. When I finally got to work, there was apparently this big crisis because the make-up artist who was doing this bride’s look was sick and decided not to call in.»

«Oh?»

«Yeah, so guess who had to calm down Bridezilla and do her make-up? Not that she was that bad, and she was very apologetic when I finished off her look. Guess the nerves was getting to her. It was actually really funny, well not that funny, it was just kind of humorous when she went from pissed off and weepy to really happy in the span of about 15 minutes or so?»

«Well… I’m glad that you managed to get through it unscathed? I guess?»

«Heh, yeah. I’ve had a couple of Bridezillas who have absolutely lost it. I do make-up and hair, sometimes manicures too, but not too often. Imagine having to poke someone with a brush, on their eyelids, that won’t sit still and are either crying or screaming at you in anger. How I’ve managed to not poke out anyone’s eyes yet, is a bloody miracle.»

 

Though the wording could have been somewhat… Better, it still made him chuckle. He was familiar with the franchise that was Godzilla, heck, he knew a dinosaur looking monster himself! Thinking about how Alphys would be crying, screaming and moving, and you somewhat irritably trying to put some make-up on her scales, was pretty funny.

 

«So work was a bust?»

«Well… It went uphill after that. Managed to sell some make-up, gave a teens very first make-up lesson, made an elderly woman really fancy, so no, it was pretty good after all.»

«That’s good… You far from home?»

«Nah, a five to ten minute walk from this point. Seriously though, you don’t need to worry, there are lots of shops open here if something happens. My phone is fully charged, Honey is waiting for me back home, I got my keys, plus I am talking to you right now.»

«Yeah… Sorry about… All of this… I’m just a bit worried for your safety.»

«Thank you, really. Means a lot to me that there’s people actually thinking about my safety… I am fine though. I walk this road almost every single day, and the worst that’s ever happened was me slipping on some ice last winter. Nothing major even, no broken bones, just a little bruise.»

«Wow… Doesn’t sound humerus at all… At least the fall didn’t break your funny bone I suppose…»

 

Yeah, the bone puns were a overused, but then again… You were still chuckling right now.

 

«That was terrible… I did say I’d start a pun war with you when I was feeling up for it, so this was bone to happen.»

«Guess you could say that you could feel it in your bones…?»

«Sure, if you got the guts for it, can stand a few rib ticklers, and you know… can stomach it.»

«You’re good, but most of your jokes just goes right through me. Can’t get under my skin.»

«Ah, sure, so now you grow a spine?»

«Just had to put some more backbone into it. Hope you can handle a femur puns.»

«Course, I don’t socket this. You’ll realize soon enough that this was a mis-stapes.»

«Last one was a stretch, hopefully you won’t skull-k when you lose.»

 

It took some time before you responded, and he started wondering if something was wrong. You weren’t laughing anymore, and it was kind of worrying.

 

«Patella the truth, I’m kind of cheating right now? I’m just kind of looking up a list of bones of the human body on Wikipedia… What the heck is a vomer?»

«Face bone, I’ll give you a pointer if you’d like.»

«Was that a joke about you picking your freaking nose?»

« Wh-… So you do know what it is?»

«I was initially kind of hoping for a ‘nose bone’ response so I could go ‘nose way!’, but this is so much better!»

 

You were snorting and laughing almost uncontrollably, gasping for air over the phone. He wasn’t sure whether he should feel embarrassed or proud at the stupid joke he’d accidentally made, and in the end settled for just laughing with you. It was kind of childish to laugh at such a joke, but to hell with it, you were laughing, and he was laughing, and everything felt good.

 

«Heck, you sure know how to lay down a joke for me Sans. You agree on a tie for this round…?»

«Sure, next round I’ll win.»

«You sound oh so sure of yourself, but this is just round one, in a long ongoing pun war. I-… Y’know what I just realized.»

«Uh… What?»

«This is very important, listen to me okay, this is the most important thing ever.»

«…Okay, should I write it down or something…?»

«Oh, no-no, you just need to know this because I’ll probably make a joke about it at some point. You ever heard of the skeleton war meme?»

«Uh… No? Should I have?»

«Wh- Yes? Okay, no, but still. It’s an ongoing meme on the internet that every Halloween there’s a skeleton war or something, I don’t remember the details, but this is really important okay.»

«A… Skeleton war?»

«Yes. Not a real thing, just an ongoing joke. But okay, hear me out. Way back when, this funny guy on Twitter made a joke that went ‘ if your grave doesn’t say «rest in peace» on it you are automatically drafted into the skeleton war’.»

«Heh, okay…? And this is important how?»

«It ensued in a shitload of skeleton puns, a result of yearly jokes about things like ‘the skeleton war is slowly becoming a meme and I have to say I am extremely disappointed in all of you. this is incredibly disrespectful to the brave skeletons who are fighting for our lives and freedom  
Seriously stop fucking this up’.»

 

A yearly shitload of skeleton jokes about a fictional war? Okay, this was indeed important and good. Letting out a short chuckle at the joke, he was truly looking forward to this yearly event.

 

«Seriously? When and where?»

«Halloween times, like end of September, beginning of October. Used to make jokes on Tumblr, but I guess Twitter or Reddit will do for now.»

«And it’s been going on for a while? Is this why you know so much about different bones…?»

«I’m… Uh… Okay, I’ll come clean, partly… Yes.»

«This is too rich, you’re a huge nerd.»

«In my defense-… You kind of like it don’t you?»

 

Fuck, he was supposed to poke fun at you! This had… Backfired rapidly. His cheekbones felt warm, his soul fluttered, and he couldn’t do anything but stutter. How the hell was he supposed to retaliate now?!

 

«But y’know, my favorite skeleton war joke is probably the whole ‘When will my husband return from the war’, or what, vertebae?»

 

This was it, this was how he died. 

His soul was aching so badly against his ribs, calling out to you, and there was literally nothing he could do about it. It was too soon wasn’t it? And you were just teasing right? But his soul didn’t know that, no, his soul was screaming at him to go find his fucking mate and bond already!

 

«Heheh, good japes, eh? I win this round!»

«… You’re a relentless tease, y’know that right?»

«‘Course, keeps it interesting.»

 

Well, that didn’t help! 

 

«Oh, dang… I’m finally back home. Okay, so, do you mind if I call you tomorrow? I’m getting off at about 5pm.»

«… Sure.»

«Nice, I’ll call you then, have a lovely evening, Sans!»

«… You too.»

 

Making sure to write down on his phone that you’d be calling, even setting an alarm that you’d be calling at 5pm, he’d finally tackle the problem at hand. Mainly the problem currently in his hand. This was… Normal right? You’re supposed to be attracted to your mate. Probably shouldn’t get a hard on while he was talking to you, and he should probably not stroke himself on the couch…

But damn, you were just… Everything and more! And the silly little nickname you’d called him, had really struck a fucking chord. He should have recorded your voice! Next time, tomorrow, he reminded himself. Closing his phone with one hand, he got back to his problem. Yes, he was finally going to allow himself to get off while thinking about you! Nothing was going to stop him!

 

 

«SANS! I’M HOME!»

«… Nooo…»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AT LEAST IT ENDED SOMEWHAT FLUFFY AMIRIGHT?!!?!?
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> Hope you liked this chapter! As always, I'm fully available on Twitter, so if you want to know the process/progress of my fics I'll be posting updates there! Or if you want to talk, got any ideas, wanna share some cool news, whatever really!
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> !!!!!!ALSO!!!!!!!
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> Relax, Pal got some lovely fan art!
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> Rochesa - @lee_yukayla:  
> https://twitter.com/lee_yukayla/status/1091152223638306816
> 
> \- Thank you so much for this super adorable art! Sans and your Reader are so freakin' cute!!! I love it so much, your art style is so good!!!!
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> ((Also, if you follow me on twitter you can see my process throughout tonight…… I kind of……… Decided not to edit this mess because I wrote like… 7000 something words instead of sleeping? If there's any major grammatical mistakes in here, sorry… I'll get around to fixing that when my eyeballs aren't vibrating. Yes, you read that right...))


	5. Goopy date

Why hadn’t you said anything? Why hadn’t you told him to fuck right off? To leave him for good. He wasn’t worth it. He knew that he wasn’t worth it, so why the hell were you spending your time talking to him? 

Every day, you’d called him, texted him. It felt completely surreal, to have someone beside his brother even bother making an effort to contact him. 

He didn’t deserve you, he didn’t deserve your kindness.

But it still felt so incredibly good, whenever you took the time to call him. You weren’t even talking about ‘important’ things, but he found himself listening, he could recall some highlights of your conversations, he made an effort to care about you too. He picked up the phone for starters, and while it didn’t seem like much of an effort on his behalf, he still managed to text you a couple ‘how are you’s.

During your second phone call, you’d even explained more about what you wanted to write for the essay you’d put on your blog, you’d even sent a link. You were a monster activist, you fought for their rights. Ever since they’d surfaced, you’d fought a battle to fight the ignorance received by your race, so that monsters could be treated fairly.

Although most of the essays you’d posted were about art, you’d written a lot about the dangers of prejudice against the ‘unknown’, how taking some time in getting to know someone could lead to good things. You were peculiar, and while you’d been very casual about it all, he could see how many people had read what you wrote.

Thousands of people were reading the things you wrote, and you answered questions and acknowledged several different comments on your writings. A lot of it was critique, that monsters indeed were ‘horrible’ creatures that ‘deserved’ to be locked away. Even though you didn’t know many monsters, and didn’t have all your facts straight, you still did you best to answer.

‘Is that how you would like to be treated?’ or ‘Have we not been cruel enough to our very own species, don’t you think it’s time we learned by our mistakes?’. Without the straight facts, it was hard for you to always come with a straightforward answer, you didn’t know what happened Underground. You’d never been there, it was a quarantined area. No humans allowed. 

 

With good reason too, there were still monsters down there hungry for human flesh.

 

The most remarkable thing about your conversations, were that you always seemed interested in hearing him talk, be it big or small. He didn’t say much to begin with, but it felt like you took in every single word he said, just like he did with yours. And honestly it was quite a strange feeling.

It was good that you listened to him, but not many people did. He felt like everything he said mattered, and it made him kind of frightened to say the wrong words. He didn’t want to screw it all up for saying something wrong.

Although… He had called you a ‘whore’ already, so it seemed like either not much fazed you, or you decided to work around it. Probably both, you were braver than most of your kind. He’d first linked your no sense of fear to stupidity, but now he recognized the trait as bravery.

Were you a brave soul? 

What even was your main soul trait?

You’d given off several signs of different soul traits and he just couldn’t pin it down. You were kind, very generous from what he’d experienced, always thinking about other people before yourself. Always looking out for his feelings, and trying to make him feel good.

But then again, you were kind of patient as well. You took your time with him, waiting for him to talk, and straight up chilling whenever you were talking to each other. So much more relaxed than he could ever be around you.

Of course, he also wondered if your soul trait was justice. You fought for the right for him to be a free ‘man’, for all of the monsters to be free and happy. Also, there was the fact that your sense of morals were strong, and you followed them, always. You’d even gotten your roommate, Bee, to answer the phone, to properly apologize to him for screaming.

Over the phone she’d sounded so nervous, barely making out coherent words. Like a little Whimsum. But at least she’d apologized, and while he really couldn’t blame her for getting scared to the point of screaming, it really was a different experience to be apologized to, instead of the usual. Usual being running away in terror.

After barely hearing her apology, he’d said it was fine, that he was quite a scary looking person. She’d laughed nervously, and told him that she still shouldn’t have screamed. You’d put him on speaker, and explained that ‘even if someone looks different, you shouldn’t be scared’. Like a mother schooling their toddler who started pointing at ‘odd’ looking people.

Then you’d started ranting about how he wasn’t ‘scary’ looking at all, just ‘different looking from the previous norm’. Continuing with talking about how cute he looked, which was when he couldn’t help but laugh. Which sent you into another rant about how he was indeed very cute, and that it wasn’t helpful to him in any way if he continued to deny the fact that he was not only a sweetheart but also very attractive.

It’d resulted in a huge blooming blush on his side among stutters, and a light snicker from your roommate. You’d excused yourself to the bathroom and he’d been left on the line with your roommate. For some reason, she’d told him that you might seem as a very intense person when it came to things like that, but it’s only because you’re not as open and talkative about your own problems.

Which led to him asking for her to elaborate, which she told him she wouldn’t do. But told him to keep in mind that talking about himself poorly would result in a long stern talking to about how it’s important for you and your mental health to love yourself.

With that being said you’d returned from the bathroom, with a question if he’d ever heard of Abba. He hadn’t, and it was like a dam had broken. Your roommate and you had started singing loudly over the phone, all the songs you could think of, and while he could not remember the lyrics to any of the songs, he still found himself humming one of them.

 

He’d finally found the energy to call the queen. 

It’d taken so much of him to just think about calling that prissy wrench of a monster. But he’d done it, with shaking phalanges and a rattling ribcage. His soul had been so fucking pissed off, and in phantom pain, when she’d answered with a hello. 

Instead of letting her talk though, he’d been quick, quirt and had gotten everything out of his system. Not even letting her get a word in, before he stated that he’d ‘look into it’, and for her to stay the fuck away from his brother and him. That it’d been a conversation only to inform her what was going on, and to keep her so-called ‘people’ in fucking line.

When she’d answered with an ‘okay’, he’d hung up and almost flung his phone into the wall. But how could he, when it was the current source of communication with you? You’d make him feel good again, like you always did.

His life was shit, but the short conversations you had, made his life seem like less of a train wreck. At least not while you were talking, just hearing your voice could soothe him. 

 

Which was why he was currently hovering his phalanx over the call button, your number pressed into his phone. He wasn’t sure about your schedule for the day, but it was 10pm and you hadn’t said you were doing anything special, and you were somewhat of a night-owl, like him. Was it too late for him to be calling?

The rattling of his bones, his fangs grinding against each other, and the headache told him that he needed to calm down, and his immediate thought is to call you? Still seething with anger? 

What the hell could you even do?

Tell him about your day? As if that would help. In fact even seeking you out, was a bad idea. He was angry, annoyed from having to talk to someone like the huge fucking bitch that was the queen of monsters. What if he flipped on you? He wouldn’t be able to contain his anger, or be able to apologize out of shame for making you realize what kind of person he truly was.

If he called you, he’d be taking advantage of the kindness you’d showed him. Even if you weren’t sleeping, he’d be bothering you. He couldn’t even tell you why he was angry to begin with, because it would ‘out’ himself. He really didn’t want to do that. No, he’d rather suffer on his own, than call you.

When he’d calmed down he could call you. When he wasn’t as pissed off as he was. The two of you hadn’t even been on your second date, and it was approaching so rapidly that he was almost getting a whiplash. He really didn’t want to ruin his chances, but he still craved talking to you.

Every part of him was craving you, and your attention. 

So, he did something pretty fucking stupid, and pressed the call button. Hearing the short beeps, he waited for you to pick up. 

Only for you to never answer.

While he knew you’d probably just left your phone in the other room, as he’d learnt that you could be sort of forgetful too, he tried again. Only to hear the same beeps, and going to voicemail. Now, that was strange, you were never too far away from your phone, at least considering he was getting pretty frequent texts.

Maybe you were just showering?

That was probably it. 

That had to be it.

Your phone wasn’t dead, so you were probably in the shower. 

It was fine, he’d wait.

Heading into the kitchen for a glass of water, and gulping it down, he put the glass back on the counter and headed back into the living room to check if you’d called back. Although it had only been a minute, you’d still not answered. 

Should he call again? 

Should he continue waiting?

How long did a regular shower take?

You did have hair, so it probably took longer for you to shower. Should he look it up? How long it took for the usual human being with hair to shower? Even if he knew it was stupid, he still typed out ‘how long does it take to shower’ and stared at the result. 

Most women take about 10 minutes to shower, so if you’d just gotten into the shower, that meant he’d have to wait 8 more minutes. And so he did, he put on a timer, and the television, and waited for you to call him back. 

But you never did.

Picking up the phone again, he was once again, calling you, but still no answer. You didn’t have work did you? No, it was 10pm so you wouldn’t be working. Maybe you took some extra time in the shower? Wait, didn’t you shower this morning?

Checking his inbox, you had indeed sent him a message telling him you had to shower, before going to work. So that wasn’t it. Maybe you were sleeping? Ha! Of course you weren’t, you usually didn’t go to bed before midnight so anyways. Looking through the notes on his phone, he could also see that you’d told him you didn’t go out. 

So now his worries about your safety were shot through the roof. Illogical thoughts about you being unsafe, that someone had kidnapped you, or you were lying dirty and beat up in an alley, slowly bleeding out. Attempting to call you again, you finally picked up after the second beep. 

Hearing you sniffle, made his soul hurt.

 

«Hey Sans… What’s up?»

«Are you okay?»

«Just,»

 

Another sniffle.

 

«Fine.»

 

You were sniffling. Were you sick? Humans did get a lot more sick than monsters did, so it wouldn’t be that uncommon, but then there was the fact that you hadn’t picked up. Which either meant that you were so sick you couldn’t reach for your phone, or maybe you’d been trying to sleep off your sickness and he’d woken you up.

Though… He had a feeling that wasn’t it.

 

«You sure?»

«Yup… I’m a hundred percent fine. Capital F. For fine.»

«And you’re not sick?»

«Hm? No, I’m not sick, I just said I’m fine.»

«Then why’re you sniffling?»

 

The line went quiet. If you weren’t sniffling because you were sick, did that mean… That you’d been crying?

 

«Don’t worry about it, how are you?»

«Were you… Crying?»

«Heheh, that’s good, I’m glad you’re doing alright, unless there’s something major, I gotta-»

«Wait!»

 

Deflecting? He was the very best he knew at deflecting and avoiding uncomfortable things, like the conversation that was to come. He could recognize such behavior in anybody, and you were trying to redirect his attention. He was already kind of in a sour mood, and if you weren’t going to tell him why the hell you were crying, he’d get really pissed off.

 

«Don’t just hang up to avoid the question. If you were crying I wanna know.»

«… Why?»

«Because that means I gotta make it better? I thought that was what date mates were supposed to do? Is that something humans don’t do?»

«Well…»

 

He heard you heave and sigh. Your breathing was really shaky, and he could already tell how nervous you were just by your breaths.

 

«Y’see… I… I’m not really sure were to begin. Can we just not talk about it? I mean, people cry all the time!»

«I mean, I fucking guess people cry all the time, but that doesn’t matter! What matters is that you’re okay, and you’re clearly not fucking okay.»

«Can we please not talk about it? I can tell you about it later if you’re still interested, but… I don’t want to…»

«Listen here, I don’t know what the fuck you’re going through and it’s worrying the shit out of me. If you don’t wanna talk about it I’m not sure what the hell I’m going to do!»

«Well maybe not shout at the person who’s just been crying would help!?»

«You said ‘I don’t wanna talk about it’, so how the fuck can I help when you ain’t saying shit?! Are you hurt? Did someone die? Are you dying?! Fuck if I know, because you won’t tell me!»

 

Maybe calling you had been a bad idea with all that pent up anger in his body and soul, but he was really worried about you. What if you were hurt, or dying?!

 

«Because it won’t solve anything! It’s not something you can make go away magically. Look, if you wanna know, so you don’t think I’m dying in a ditch somewhere-»

 

Close to what he’d imagined,

 

«It’s because I’m kinda stressed out. It’s just work, and some other things that are stressing me out. I’m not dying or anything. I just needed to get it out of my system, and I did.»

«… Fine, but I still don’t feel satisfied with that answer.»

«Wh- what more could you possibly want out of me? I am stressed, that’s why I was crying. You don’t need more of an explanation.»

«Why the hell not?!»

«Because we don’t know each other that well yet.»

 

What the hell do you mean by that?! Is there a stage to this human dating, does he have to get to a certain level for you to unlock more fucking dialogue and your fucking past? Screw everything, fuck the ‘second date’, he was going to see you, right the fuck now.

 

«Where are you?»

«At home, why?» 

«I’m coming over.»

«Wait, no.»

«Why not?»

«Because I don’t want you to see me like this.»

«I don’t care if you’ve been tossed into a fucking acid bath, and your skin has melted off. I don’t care if you feel like you look fucking awful, because guess what?!»  
«… What?»

«Because even if you did look fucking terrible, which you don’t for the record, I still care enough about you to not want you crying! I mean- that’s what I’m supposed to do? Right…? I’m supposed to care about you, and I’m supposed to try and make you feel good.»

«Mh… I guess? But still, it was just… An episode I guess, it’s passed and I’m better now, I got it out of my system and I’m doing fine.»

«Still, that doesn’t mean I can’t check up on you, or talk to you… If you’ve got shit in your system, I want to know so I can help you. Doesn’t mean I’m great at helping, because stars, I know how shitty it can be to have one of those ‘episodes’ and I know that, while it doesn’t seem like it, that it helps to talk it out.»

 

Even if it hurt like shit, even if he felt himself choke up on his words every time he talked to his brother about his nightmares or his worries, it did help him. It did help him get it out of his system, and it did help him to reason with himself. 

To top it off, you didn’t deserve to have those thoughts, someone as… Good, and kind as you, who’d never had to hurt anyone, didn’t deserve to feel bad. Plus, he felt like it was not only his duty, more than an obligation, to make you feel better. At the very least help you destress, if that was truly what you were crying about.

 

«I… Sans, life is shit sometimes, it just is. I know it is, and while you’re right, that it is good to talk it out, I’m fine now. And it is kind of embarrassing to admit that I cry because of the stress of life getting to me sometimes…»

«I know, but it does help to talk about it, even if it’s all passed. And I really don’t think there’s anything you should truly be embarrassed about. Life kicks your ass? It kicks my ass every fucking day, and it can be so incredibly hard to get up and function. It’s difficult, but you have to if you want to eat-»

 

Shit, he hadn’t meant to admit that last part. He’d accidentally confessed to having problems himself. While yes, it was embarrassing, it was also a slight comfort knowing that he wasn’t the only one stuck in his mind sometimes. Though, the level of intensity might differ, it was still a comfort, but also a worry.

Stress isn’t good for anyone, and if you were stressed, that meant he was doing something wrong. He needed to do at least something to make you less stressed and feel better. Right?

 

«Look, I know you probably don’t want to talk to me about the ‘stress’, but it’s going to come up again at some point, won’t it? So why not talk about it now?»

«Because it’s ridiculous stuff that I can’t control.»

«‘Course, most of the time it is. I… I know I’ve been pressuring you to tell me right now, but I’m not going to force you to talk, even if I do want you to tell me. I’m not sure of the time span it’d be alright for us to talk about stuff like that, but I do want to know if there is anything I can do, to make it seem… Less bad I guess?»

«What if I promise to tell you later…? At some point? Just not right now.»

«I so badly want to say ‘no’, but for now I’ll stop forcing you. I want you to tell me, but on your own accord… I usually don’t do promises, but just this once, I’ll comply.»

«Heh… Good, I promise I’ll tell you about my shit, on one condition.»

«What might that condition be?»

«You tell me about yours.»

 

That was… A twist he hadn’t anticipated. Thought he really should have expected it…

 

«… Fine.»

«Good.»

 

As if he was going to tell you. No, you’d never see him in the same light ever again, the nightmare had been a warning, a potential foresight, he’d never fucking tell you. But if talking about some of his worries would get you to talk, then maybe… He could say some of his worries, the ones that weren’t… Murder-y.

 

«But I still want to make you feel better, so wipe your fucking snot I’m coming over.»

«Wait, no-»

«You got fifteen minutes, to do whatever you need to do, to feel ‘presentable’. But it’s true what I said, you could literally have been tossed off a cliff, landed on some sharp rocks, and you’d probably still looked pretty attractive.»

«Flirting? You? My-my, finally crawled out of your shell?»

«… Ever the tease.»

«Heh, that’d be me yes. Anyways, is there something I could say to make you decline your kind offer of trying to cheer me up?»

«Not really no.»

«Alright then, fifteen minutes, but no talking about sad shit. Unless you want to talk about your sad shit too.»

«No sad shit, see you soon.»

«You’re really special Sans… Interesting beyond relief… See you in a few then. Love you, bye!»

 

Ending the call he stretched. Almost triumphantly.

Finally.

That’d been such a fucking mess. He’d clean himself up a bit, maybe change his shirt, and then get ready to at least attempt to cheer you up. He’s not one hundred percent certain about how he’d do that so he’d have to look it up. But at least you’d agreed to letting him visit you, and at least try to cheer you up.

Before he could heave himself of the couch however, he felt a looming presence. Peeking over his shoulder, he saw his brother standing there, a big grin on his face. 

 

«IM SO PROUD OF YOU!»

«Uhm… Where you there the entire time?»

«OH… Well No… Not Really, But I Still Heard Enough. I’m Glad You Think Our Talks Are Helpful, And That You’re So Willing To Help Your Date Mate As Well!»

«Well… It’s the least I could do I suppose…?»

«And You’ll Talk To Her About Your Issues As Well? I’m So Proud Of You.»

«Not the stuff about… The Underground… But I guess something I guess?»

«Even So! That’s Some Major Improvement! I’m Very Happy For You Brother! And You’ll Go Over To Comfort Your Mate Too… She Certainly Has Grown On You!»

«… Guess she has.»

«But Only Fifteen Minutes! How Will We Have Time To Prepare You For The Impromptu Date?!»

«It’s not really a date though Paps… It’s more of a… I don’t know, but not a date?»

«Are You Currently Dating?»

«Uh… Yeah? But that doesn’t make it a-»

«That Makes Every ‘Hangout’ A Date!»

«Bro… No…»

«I’ll Find You Some Study Cards With Topics, And Some Clothes! Why Didn’t You Allow Yourself Some More Time?! And Why Did You Plan It So Late!»

 

Shit, now that he was thinking about it, he really should have planned it out better. He’d really just meant to come as he was, ‘ready made’, but if his brother was correct, that it was truly an impromptu date, then… He was already feeling nervous.

He hadn’t meant for it to be stressful, at least not on his side. He’d just planned on popping in, making sure you were truly alright, if you did want to talk about something, and maybe make some jokes. Fuck.

 

«Don’t Fret Brother! I Have Some Suitable Date Wear! We Have Prepared For This! Well… At Least I Have…»

 

Being dragged off the couch by his brother, picked up as if he was nothing, he was soon heading up the stairs to his brothers bedroom. Papyrus kicked the door open, plopped him graciously on the bed, before scurrying into the closet to apparently pick out an outfit. 

It’s not that he’d ever really mind putting on some different clothes to impress you, but he really didn’t have the energy or fashion sense to do just that… He was kind of regretting it, but he did want to see you…

 

«Put This On! There’s A Cheat Sheet In The Right Pocket And Conversation Cards In The Left!»

 

The clothing presented was… Something else… Luckily not as colorful as he was worried they’d be, but still… A singlet and a snazzy pair of sweats. But the most worrying part, was the bra in the mix.

 

«Uh… Paps… You want me to wear a bra?»

«Of Course Not! I Want You To Unhook it.»

«… Why?»

«Because I Overheard Some Human Males Talk About That Their ‘Girlfriend’s Bra Was Very Difficult To Unhook. When I Asked About It, They Told Me It Could Be Very Tricky. So Consider This Your… Training Bra. When I Picked It Up At The Shop, They Said Something About Me Not Needing A Training Bra, That I Didn’t Need A Bra At All! I Told Them That It Wasn’t For Me, But For You-»

«Stars… Paps… No…»

«What? You Do Need A Training Bra. Now Unhook It.»

 

Cringing into the furthest pit of himself, he sighed, and did as instructed, unhooking it.

 

«Well… That Was… Slightly Underwhelming. I Really Don't Get Why Humans Think Its So Difficult Unhooking… Maybe We Are Dating Experts After All! Now, Put On Your Clothes!»

 

Picking up the clothes, he went into his room and changed. The clothes did fit, but he wasn’t sure about showing this much bone, so the hoodie was going to stay on. He really hadn’t anticipated for this to be an impromptu date, and he was feeling kind of nervous now.

All his motivation was crumpling up now, he wasn’t really ready, far from prepared to see you again. It’s not that he didn’t want to, because he did miss you, but he wasn’t ready for it to be a date. He hadn’t really wanted that at all… He just wanted to see you again. Make you smile, maybe get a hug or something…

Pulling out the ‘Cheat Sheet’, he stared out his brothers chicken scratch of writing. He should really use his glasses more often… He didn’t really have bad hand writing whenever he did use his glasses, but this was almost incomprehensible. Something about ‘How to woo your date mate’ and then just a mess of words. He couldn’t read most of it.

Placing it on his bed, he looked at the ‘Conversation Cards’, only to find more chicken scratch and jumbled words. He was too distracted to read, and the not so good handwriting was not making it any easier on his behalf. 

‘How many children do you want?’ was one of the few he could make out, to which he promptly hid underneath his pillow. He could never gather the courage to ask you that! And it was probably too soon, wasn’t it? Damn…

 

«Sans! Do The Clothes Fit?»

«Yeah… Uhm… I’ll just grab my phone, and I’ll head off. Thank you Pap…»

«No Worries! I Wish You Good Luck!»

«Thanks.»

 

Grabbing his phone out his shorts pocket, and placing it into his hoodies’, he gathered some of his magic, and inhaled. 

Passing through the void was so cold, and while he didn’t have the nerve system humans did, or were strongly affected by the cold like other monsters, it still felt like a crisp breath of fresh air, before he found himself outside of your apartment.

He was only a couple minutes early… That wasn’t bad was it? He didn’t want to be late, but he did want to give you some time to get ready as well. 

 

Staring at the door, into the air, and looking at the time on his phone as the minutes slowly ticked by, he soon stretched out his arm very close to knocking on your door. He could hear movement inside your apartment, and he could already smell you. The sweet, delicious scent tickling his senses, making his soul send shivers and tingles up and down his spine.

A very good sensation, and he hadn’t even touched you yet.

Gently knocking on the door, he heard a muffled conversation, before hearing someone walking up to the door. Unlocking the door, it slowly creeped open, only for him to look down at a very tiny human.

Not the tiniest he’s ever seen, in fact he’d seen your roommate before. The second she’d seen him, she’d squeaked, and shut her eyes. He was kind of glad she was gracious enough to not scream again, but he could tell she was very uncomfortable.

 

«She’s uh… S-she’s still getting… Getting ready.»

«… No stress.»

«Uhm…»

 

Feeling like he should say something, he tried to come up with something… But his mind was completely blank. He didn’t know your roommate, and her first impression of him wasn’t really that good. Which left them both standing there. Him out in the hallway, so close to breaking into a nervous sweat, with your roommate standing in the doorway with eyes completely shut.

 

«Uh… H-how are ya… Bee?»

«O-oh! I’m… I’m alright, I suppose…»

«Good…»

 

The two of them were still standing there, unsure about how to react in this situation. He just didn’t want her to scream again, and she probably didn’t want to either.

When he heard her muffle something, that he couldn’t quite catch however, he had to ask for her to speak up.

 

«I… I was apologizing for… Keeping my eyes shut…»

«No worries… I am kind of scary… I don’t blame you at all.»

«I know you’re not a bad guy… She wouldn’t talk to anyone who would hurt me or anything… It’s completely unreasonable, but… So, I’m sorry.»

«Nah, you’re braver than you think.»

«I’ll get used to it… I promise, I’ll try harder.»

«Don’t sweat it Bee, your roomie did explain that you were attacked by a monster or something?»

«Y-yeah… I know that you’re not going to, to do that. So it’s unreasonable fear but-»

«As I said, don’t worry about it. I do look scary, even to monsters, and getting attacked can really fuck you up. So no harm done. We’re not all bad, but to you humans, we must look pretty freaky, so I get it. It ain’t unreasonable fear even, you were attacked and threatened? Must’ve freaked you out pretty badly.»

«Yeah… Uhm… Oh! You’re still out in the hallway! Come in.»

«Thanks.»

 

He finally entered your apartment, and even though Bee had put on a somewhat… ‘Brave face’, she quickly ran back into her room. What now? Should he go chill on your couch? Wait in the hallway? Announce his presence? He really didn’t know what to do.

 

«Sans!»

«… Uh yeah?» 

«Mind getting me a glass of water, please? The glasses are in the top cabinet on the left, there’s a mug of water in the fridge, just put it on the counter. I’ll be out in a sec.»

«‘Kay.»

 

Fuck, it was so refreshing to hear your actual voice in person, rather over the phone. And your apartment smelled so strongly of you! It was intoxicating in the best possible way. For some reason he felt really giddy about your meet up, even if it was to cheer you up.

Making his way to your kitchen, he did as you’d instructed, and poured you a cold glass of water. But not without eyeing a half eaten chocolate cake. His senses was completely overwhelmed by the sight.

Thick chocolate cream, with a little bit of a coffee scent, grated white and dark chocolate on top, chocolate drizzle, and a mouthwatering cake. He felt himself start to drool, and he could just look at the beauty that was this cake. Stars, what he wouldn’t give to have a piece of that. He’d hurt just about anyone for a crumb of that cake.

Not realizing he’d been staring way too long at the cake, he was interrupted by a little chuckle. Turning his skull, he quickly bloomed into a blushing mess.

 

«See something you like?»

«… Fuck… Yes.»

«You can have a piece if you’d like.»

 

Fuck, really? He could really kiss you? Already? But it wasn’t even your second date… Oh well, he’d not look the gift horse in the mouth, or however that weird human saying went. 

Taking a quick glance up and down on your form, he felt himself truly glowing. You were wearing a nightgown, and thigh highs, for crying out loud! How could he not grab a piece of that?! 

Grabbing your shoulders, he looked into your eyes. Almost searching for something, rejection, a ‘no’. But you were just smiling up at him. Leaning closer, you didn’t turn away, so he took it as consent, before grabbing your chin. 

 

He really wanted, needed, to kiss you. 

 

And you were letting him as well!

 

He couldn’t be happier!

 

His soul was thrumming, beating hard against his ribs, and it felt as though he was just about to place the final piece in a puzzle he’s been working on for years. Pure and utter satisfaction.

 

And then he felt something fuzzy brush against his foot.

 

Opening his sockets, he stared down at his feet, and yelped when he saw something big, white and fluffy. Almost falling over himself, he crashed into the wall and pointed at the disgusting critter. 

 

«What the fuck is that?!»

«… You mean Tinkles?»

«Tinkles?»

«My friend’s cat. Bee and I are looking after him while they’re cramming for their exams. Said he craved too much attention and cuddles for them to handle. So Bee agreed to taking him in… If I knew how much of an attention whore he truly was, I would’ve promptly declined…»

 

Taking a look at the… very freaky looking cat, that seemed to be glaring at him, he felt a sort of aggression grow inside of him. The damned cat ruined his chance to kiss you! Fuck, and he hadn’t been a nervous mess this time!

Growling at the cat, it turned into a ball of fuzz, that dared hiss at him. 

Fuck you, freaky looking cat. 

 

«Heh, you don’t like cats?»

«More of a dog person… Don’t mind cats of course, but Tinkles… Not to be rude or anything, but he’s one freaky looking cat… You sure that’s even a cat?»

«If he walks and talks like a cat, I suppose he is a cat. Plus he ain’t ‘freaky looking’, he’s pretty cute. But he’s very sassy, yes you are, mr. Sassypants.»

 

Bending down, he scowled at the cat, who only received cuddles after completely ruining his chance to kiss you. 

 

«But if he’s bothering you, I can put him in honey’s room for now, I’m sure she won’t mind the company. She’s one of the few people Tinkles actually likes, he scratched my hand this morning. Mr. Sassypants has such a big attitude, don’t you?»

 

Picking up the ball of fluff, you gave a couple scratches and headed back where you’d come from. Damn that cat, it was his biggest enemy. Ruining his kiss, to see if you were indeed his soulmate… Right, he still needed to figure out if you were indeed his true soulmate, didn’t he?

He’d been distracted by the cake, and how gorgeous you looked to even think about that. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t gotten nervous? Distracted by the way you were showing off your perfect curves. He was sure he’d been an ‘ass’ type of guy after the last time he’d seen you, but fuck, your tits were looking pretty good too.

In fact, all of you looked good. 

Fuck, you were just the most attractive person he’d ever seen. He felt uncomfortably hot, you were just so… Everything. He couldn’t even explain it, you were just so fucking attractive and he couldn’t handle it!

When you turned around the corned, hair tousled, a tired smile on your lips, he felt his soul screaming. It felt like he was one of those crazy fans screaming how much they loved their idol when they finally made an appearance on the stage. Fuck- did that mean you were that stupid fucking robot in this scenario? No-

 

«With Tinkles out of the way, did you want a piece of that cake? I did tell you that I really couldn’t finish it. Don’t want it to go to waste, so…»

 

Digging into your drawer, it dawned upon him that you’d initially meant the cake… His opinion of Tinkles immediately changed, and he thanked him and praised him like he was a fucking god. Major crisis averted by the weirdest looking cat he’d ever seen.

Placing half the cake on the table, along with the forks, you ushered for him to take a seat. Well, at least he’d get to try some of that heavenly looking cake.

 

«You want some milk with that? Heard it’s good for your bones.»

«Sure, I’m in the moo’d for some milk.»

«Heheh, good one.»

 

As you poured him a glass of milk, he got a first class view of your ass. Still the best looking one he’d ever seen. He was definitely going to think about the new material he’d gotten later, especially when he was gonna go through his heat. Which was… Unfortunately, rapidly approaching.

 

«Do you live nearby by the way?»

«Huh?»

«Since you managed to find your way pretty easily, and it took you fifteen minutes to get here.»

 

He lived at least half an hour away from you, and there were no trams that could possibly take him fifteen minutes to get to you… Shit, he’d not really thought about that…

 

«Uh… Not really no, I was… Walking.»

«Oh.»

 

It was a terrible lie, and he knew it. He never did ‘walks’, he just used his short cuts or took public transportations if he wanted to go somewhere. The longest he’d walk, was when he’d join his brother to the library. And that was only a ten minute walk from his place.

 

«And here you said my ‘midnight walks’ were crazy…»

«I meant that too, you really shouldn’t be walking outside that late.»

«You worry so much about me… I’m fine y’know, but if you ever feel like taking a walk again, I wouldn’t mind it. Helps clear my head, and it’s nice to talk to someone meanwhile. But anyways, have a bite! Tell me what you think!»

 

Right, he still had to taste a slice of heaven didn’t he? 

Taking a forkful, he felt his mouth water, excited to try it. 

Upon putting it in his mouth, he felt an explosion of flavor. He could honestly cry. He wouldn’t, of course, but it was just so thick, and creamy, and rich, and absolutely perfect. Just like you. 

After the first bite, he really couldn’t help himself, as he continued to fork down on the cake. He was glancing up at you every now and then to see you smiling, so he happily continued scarfing down on the now, mess of a cake. He wasn’t sure what was his favorite part, the cream, the topping, the chocolate sauce, the chocolate chips and nuts you’d hidden inside of the cake, or the cake itself. It was just… So fucking good.

Moaning, he didn’t even try to stop himself or slow down, this cake was entering his system, all of it.

 

«Wow… That good, huh? Guess I’ll just have to bake you some more in the future.»

 

Only giving you a slight nod, he continued, feeling so painfully close to losing all his manners and just grabbing the cake by the handful. If a monster had presented this to him, he’d have mated with them instantly, latched onto them, bonded, and brought a whole bunch of cubs into the world. While he still kind of wanted that with you, he had to remind himself, he was trying to do this the ‘human’ way, which meant that he had to deny most of his instincts. 

 

«So… Uh… Sorry if I’m ruining your good mood, but if you did want to talk… I could at least tell some things now? I don’t know.»

 

He was so gone, all he could focus on was this cake, your words becoming entirely muffled. He just needed to get all of this cake down, then he’d talk to you.

 

«I… Have some troubles falling asleep. I’m thinking too much I suppose, which means I get a maximum of four to five hours of sleep every night. Makes me more stressed than usual about things I normally wouldn’t think about. Like a vicious dark circle I guess… Stress, less sleep, more stress, even less sleep, even more stress. It happens from time to time, but…»

 

Just a little bit more to go, and he’d have finished off half your cake, he’d really fucking scarfed it all down.

 

«But this time, it’s not really stopping on it’s own. Like, it’s been happening for over a month now, and it’s not getting better, and I’m not really sure what I’m going to do anymore. Bee said it might be good for me to talk it out with a pro, but I’m sure it’ll probably pass…»

 

A little bit more…

 

«So… I don’t know. I guess I could alway try doing yoga again? Worked for a while, got pretty flexible. Also some breathing exercises I suppose… But I guess I sleep a whole lot better whenever I’m cuddled up to someone… So uh…»

 

And he was done!

He’d finished the entirety of the cake in one sitting, and he felt so full and happy. He always managed to feel so full around you. With food, or something else, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he was full and feeling good.

Chugging the glass of milk, he felt so entirely satisfied.

 

«I was wondering if you’d like to sleep with me?»

 

Choking on his milk, he covered his mouth, as he breathed through his nose. Swallowing, he coughed a bit as you were immediately at his side, patting and trying to soothe him. Wh- what the hell had you just asked?

Either he’d missed a major part of the conversation, or you’d just asked if he wanted to mate with you.

 

«Mind repeating that?»

«Oh, sure, I was wondering if you’d sleep with me.»

 

So… He hadn’t been wrong in his accusation… You really had asked him to mate with him. But… Wasn’t it too soon? Wasn’t there like, this unspoken ‘three dates’ rule that he’d read about? Was that just a myth?

 

«This soon?»

«We don’t really have to do it tonight, if you got work tomorrow or something, it’s just an offer. Not going to force you into doing anything you don’t want to.»

«Uhm… Just to be completely clear, you want to have… Sex?»

«Wh- no? No did you think I was- that’s a bit too soon isn’t it?»

«I don’t know, is it?»

«Uh… I’m… Going to get back to you on that one, but no, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to sleep over?»

«Oh.»

«Yeah.»

«Uh.»

«You don’t have to of course, it’s… Just a proposition. I can just, lie on my side and you can have your own side?»

 

Although his soul felt a bit disappointed, it was a huge relief on his part too. He was nowhere ready for you to actually sleep with him, although he toyed with the idea and had already had several fantasies about mating you. Fucking you into the mattress, just a moaning mess.

While he didn’t have work in the morning, he probably wouldn’t be able to sleep, and worst case, he’d have a nightmare and wind up screaming in his sleep. Which would probably horrify you and alert your roommate and neighbors. He’d have to turn down the offer of sleeping over for the night.

 

«I have a thing in the morning, unfortunately. If not I would’ve said yes.»

«Don’t sweat it, we can always take a nap some other time. Would you mind cuddling a bit though? I just realized I haven’t given you a hug yet.»

«I suppose so.»

«Good, I’ll just put this in the dish washer, my room is on the left by the way, feel free to chill in my room while I clean up.»

 

Nodding at you, he went to find your room. 

It wasn’t really that hard to find either, there was a whiteboard attached to your door with different jokes. ‘Today’s joke’, ‘Joke of the month’, ‘Favorite meme’ and a little message in the bottom right corner. The handwriting wasn’t that bad, but the font was really small, and he had problems seeing it properly. 

Trying to decipher the message, he finally cracked the code.

It just simply said, ‘I love you’, in a very sweet font. 

Fuck, that was… Really cute, he’s not going to lie. 

Was that meant for him? Had you written it with him in mind? Just before he’d arrived? Touching the writing with his phalanx, he tried to see if it’d been written recently. When the marker didn’t come off his finger, he concluded with that it’d been made prior to this visit, and that permanent marker had been used. So it’d forever say ‘I love you’.

That really was very cute.

Slowly opening up the door to your room, he was not only met with the incredible smell of you, but also a ginormous bed. It could easily fit three of himself in it, heck it was large enough for both you, his brother and himself. And probably your roommate too if she wasn’t so damn spooked. 

Even if you had said that he was free to chill in your room, he did so, a bit reluctantly. This was your room for crying out loud. Your very own private space, that he’d just entered. It was clean, but it was also kind of messy.

There was an easel with a covered canvas, books messily placed on a bookshelf, a desk with lots of pens and markers, and a computer with a glowing mouse. There was a couple of empty glasses on the nightstand, and a bunch of clothes on a chair. One of the duvets and pillows were a mess, while the other side, looked pristine. 

At least he knew what side you preferred to sleep on now at least.

But then there was this… Smell, in the air, which didn’t come from the paint, or the little scented candle that was burning on the desk, or even the smell of you. It was the smell of cigarettes. A scent he’d be able to recognize anywhere, especially considering, he’d smoked for a while himself. It’d kept his mind off of the hunger, but he’d had to quit because he had run out of them in the underground, and it kept alerting sneaky humans.

Did you smoke?

You really hadn’t smelled of it when you’d first met him, or the last time he’d been to your apartment. Were you so stressed that you’d turned to smoking? That was a nasty habit for a human to have. It tainted the lungs, and made your skin look kind of sickly. Not to mention the nasty cough some humans developed.

Was this something he needed to confront you about?

Talk about the dangers of smoking?

Even if he knew you were an adult, he still didn't want you to smoke. Especially considering all the health risks that followed with lighting up a cigarette. He didn’t want you to get sick from smoking, but he didn’t want to make it into a big deal. When he’d started smoking, it’d been to keep his mind off of the hunger. 

Were you not eating?

Was that why you were stressed?

Fuck, if you wanted food, he’d get you some!

 

«So, how’re you liking my room?»

«Have you eaten today?»

«Yes? Forgot breakfast, but I did let myself indulge on a cup of coffee on my way to work. I did eat lunch and dinner though! Why’re you asking?»

«Kinda smells like cigarettes…»

«You… You can smell that?»

«Heightened sense of smell in comparison to humans, most monsters got it.»

«Oh… Well, yes, I did have a cigarette. Only one.»

 

At least you’d eaten today, but that still didn’t answer his question about why you had been smoking.

 

«You a smoker?»

«Not really, I just needed a cigarette tonight. The nicotine can be very relaxing. I don’t smoke regularly though, and I’m not fond of the smell myself.»

«Want me to toss the rest of the cigarettes then?»

«I’d prefer if you didn’t, I only smoke to destress myself when my mind is jumbled. So… I’m not addicted to it, luckily, so I wouldn’t die if you tossed the packet. But I’d rather prefer it if you didn’t.»

«You got lungs though, it’s not good for you… Fills it up with tar and shit, I mean, I’ve seen lungs filled up with that shit, looks fuckin’ awful-»

Oh shit, oh no,

 

«Part of the training to be a butcher is to look at lungs that have been filled with smoke?»

 

No, no, you weren’t supposed to know! He needed to come up with an excuse, fast!

 

«Eh… I’m a scientist?»

«Thought you weren’t doing human anatomy?»

«Pictures and documentaries?»

«Oh! Well yeah, there are a lot of documentaries about the harms of smoking and stuff, of course you’d have seen that… Sorry, I’m just being a big grump I suppose… I don’t do it regularly, but you’re right, it’s not good for me.»

 

He almost sighed in relief, loudly, that was a fucking trip. 

If you didn’t want to question him any more about it, he needed to learn to choose his words more carefully, especially when it came to shit like that. He could never out himself, and hopefully he’d become better with hiding that in the future.

You sat down on your bed, and patted your side for him to sit down. A little too close for comfort, but he complied. He did want to touch you after all, but after a somersault like that, his nerves were shot through the roof. He needed to calm himself if you didn’t want to get any more suspicious. You were twiddling with a strand of your hair.

 

«So… Did you have a good day?»

«Can’t complain… It was alright.»

«You mentioned you had work? How was that?»

«Eh, same thing as always, cut some chunks of meat. Nothing special.»

«Mhm… I do kind of want to buy some of your meat though, could have a barbecue when it gets a bit warmer outside.»

«Heh, sure, if it’s you cooking I’d at least eat it.»

«You really like my cooking that much? You should have a taste of my mother’s cooking then, or maybe my brother’s cooking, they’re the real chefs in the family. My father is pretty good when it comes to handling meat though, but when it comes to pastries, I’m truly the best!»

«I can tell, that cake was the best I’ve ever had.»

«You flatterer, that was me toying around, my true speciality is my banana cake. A recipe I’ve memorized in my youth, and has since perfected. Really savory, and with some vanilla quark on the side it’s like… Even better. I’ll hit you up next time I’m baking.»

«Please do… If that cake was just you toying around, then fuck, that cake must be fucking orgasmic.»

 

That last part was pretty poor wording, although it was the truth. If you baked him that fucking cake, and it was better than the one he’d had, he’d bend you over the counter while fucking the hell out of you. Hell, even the cake he’d just consumed in a very short time span, had made him fucking tingle all over.

And if your family was even better at cooking, he’d somehow hit the fucking jackpot. Not that he hadn’t already, he’d already won the lottery, but there were suddenly even more fucking prices. Fuck, he really didn’t deserve you, at all, but it was still pure ecstasy.

 

«I am glad you like my cooking though, I always get so surprised when people like my work, whatever it is. Mostly because I’m kind of a perfectionist, always fussing over something not being correct. Makes it a lot more difficult to be happy with your work, seem to forget that other people aren’t me, and either have different standards and likes.»

«Trust me, you’re the best cook I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Didn’t know food could taste that good. I’ve had to eat fucking tree bark for so long that I thought I’d lost my taste buds completely.»

«Tree bark? Heard it’s a health food, you on a diet or something? Did I just ruin your diet?»

«Oh… Uh… No I, uhm…»

 

Fuck, he really needed to watch his words, they were just slipping out tonight!

 

«I… In the… Y’know? Didn’t have a lot, so had to make due, but I… Don’t really want to talk about that…»

«Oh, sorry Sans… I didn’t mean to… But uh… New topic?»

«Please.»

 

It was something he really hadn’t meant to slip, and you had given him an out when he thought about it. But then again, he didn’t want you to feel bad either about ruining a ‘diet’. He- on a diet? That was a pretty fucking ridiculous statement if you’d have known him fully. He ate whatever he could, whenever he could.

Had it not been because of the fact that he hadn’t consumed any magic food in the last couple of days, his gut would’ve been showing from the fact of having consumed the entirety of the remains of your cake.

 

«Okay, so… Have you formed an opinion on ABBA yet?»

«Sounds better when you sing, but I suppose it’s pretty good?»

«Oh- heh, thank you. Also, yeah, I figured, you can’t not like ABBA! It’s a classic, it’s like, you might not listen to them all the time, but you can’t hate it. Which reminds me, I did have a movie in mind for our next date, but I do kind of want to watch Mamma Mia with you.»

«Mamma… Mia?»

«A musical, turned into a movie. My old best friends favorite movie. Well, old and old, we’re still very much best friends. She’s just moved out of the country to study, to become a doctor. Only get to see her three times a year though, but we text and snap daily, occasionally call too.»

«Oh…?»

«But that’s besides the point! We used to do brownies, other snacks, mojitos and Dominos, while wearing face masks, painting each other’s nails, cuddle, and watching Mamma Mia. More like just singing along of the entirety… but… It was still a lot of fun nights we’d spend together. Sound like something up your alley?»

«Uh… Food and I go hand in hand, so I certainly wouldn’t mind it… Though I kind of don’t have skin… Or fingernails?»

«Right, that doesn’t matter though, snacks, Mamma Mia and cuddles were the most important part of the evening, to comfort each other and just spend some time making ourselves and each other feel good. A self-care evening with someone you care about!»

 

The toothy grin you were giving him, was just too sweet for his soul to handle, and the fact that you’d said you cared about him as well! He could only look at you, probably smiling like a fucking dumbass… But you were just so full of… Something. And that fullness was just so damn addictive.

 

«Anyways, we were supposed to cuddle, weren’t we?»

 

Shit, yeah, you’d said something like that, hadn’t you?

 

Crawling over to the other side of the bed, your gown had been hiked up to the point where he could almost spot your fucking panties. No. No, he couldn’t be thinking about that right now, he wouldn’t allow it!

Yet his soul didn’t care, telling him it was time to claim you! He must’ve looked horrified or something because you asked if there was anything wrong. A lot of shit was wrong, but right now his fucking horniness was the worst. He couldn’t exactly tell you that either, couldn’t tell you how much he wanted to fuck you.

Eat you out.

Damn- the intrusive thoughts were getting worse!

He needed to distract himself, he needed to do something to stop thinking about you, like that, when you were right in front of him! Before he could even think about stopping himself, he tugged at his socket.

The sharp pain was going to keep those fucking thoughts away, was going to keep him under control.

 

«Hey, hey, Sans…»

 

Keep the thoughts away, keep them away from him!

 

«Hey, it’s okay, you don’t need to do anything you don’t want to, you’re always free to say no. But I don’t want you to hurt yourself, okay?»

 

Keep it away, stop!

 

«I’ll go fetch a stim toy for you, give me a second. Meanwhile, here is some paper, you can rip it, ball it up and throw it, do whatever you need to do, but I don’t want you to- to hurt yourself, alright?»

 

His phalanges were met with a bunch of papers. At the sight of it, he let out a little laugh. He was… Just so perplexed?

Why the hell was he holding papers?

Was he supposed to do something with them?

Looking around, he was in an almost unfamiliar space.

 

He felt small, no, he didn’t feel anything at all.

Just staring and taking in his surroundings.

Was he supposed to do something?

Did it matter?

 

Looking at his hands, he saw a bunch of papers. Was he supposed to use them for something? Write something? Put them somewhere? He wasn’t entirely sure…

 

«Hey.»

 

Oh? Who was that talking? Tilting his skull he saw a human smiling, a couple boxes of something in their hands. What were they for? 

 

«I’ll be taking the papers back, unless you want to keep a hold of them. I brought you some putty, some slime with a bit of glitter, some with texture. Just pick out whichever you’d like, and play around with it.»

 

The crash of reality hit him upside the head. Fuck! He hadn’t meant for you to see that! He hadn’t meant to space out like that!

 

«Bee and I made this slime together, I put some scent in it so it smells like mint. Here, put out your hands.»

 

It did smell pretty minty. But that was not the point! He’d freaked out in front of you, again… He really hadn’t meant to…

Putting his hand out, you placed the goop into his hand. And put some different scented slime into your own hands. Yours was crackling and popping, and while it made him focus on something else, he was still kind of unsure what he was supposed to do with his own slime.

 

«Just play around with it. Or don’t, all I’m asking is that you try. You can drag it out, or press your fingers into it, whatever you want to do. Though, I don’t think Bee would appreciate it if you tossed it out the window or something… Or ate it for that matter. I made this chocolate scented slime, and let me tell you, worst idea ever. It looks so tasty and I can’t even have a bite!»

 

So, he did touch it. Stretch it a bit. Switch the goop over to each hand.

 

«Hey, okay, this might be like… Terrible humor, but I think it’d lighten the mood a bit.»

 

Looking at you, you’d replaced your previously textured slime with something, that smelled really plastic-y and looked like something you’d hurl when you were sick. Pressing your finger into it, it let out a… Fart sound.

You let out a little giggle, and looked expectantly at him, as if waiting for his reaction. 

 

«… It’s like a whoopee cushion?»

«A bit yes, except you don’t need to sit on it for it to work. Here, let’s switch around.»

 

Handing him the green slime, you took the minty one and put it back in one of the containers. Pressing one phalanx into the slime, it let out another loud fart noise. He couldn’t help but chuckle. Slime could make fart noises, who could’ve guessed?

He kept pushing his finger into the texture, and didn’t even notice that you were suddenly beside him with a wash cloth, ridden of the rest of the containers. You were smiling a wiping your fingers, probably to get rid of the smell.

 

«I’m glad you like it, if you want it, you can have it.»

«Wait, really?»

«Sure, I’m kind of sick of pulling little pranks on Bee with it so anyways. Nothing bad though, she’ll be chilling and I’ll just use it to make fart noises.»

«Could hardly be called a prank though…»

«Oh? Do I have a little prank master on hand here? Now, do tell. One of your best pranks.»

«Heh, okay… So, I used to have this whoopee cushion, would use it on several occasions, but my absolute favorite prank would be put it in the palm of my hand when people would shake hands. Thought it’d never grow old, but eventually people knew not to shake my hand.»

«Heheh, that was indeed a good one. Most of my prank stories are so harmless though, I don’t really want to freak people out too badly either, but I think my favorite is… Hm… When I put vanilla pudding in a mayo glass and ate it straight out of the jar.»

«Sounds like a snack to me, did that even give a reaction?»

«‘Course it did Sans, I bought a large industrialized sized jar of mayo to use. Freaked some people out when I started eating it with my fingers, but it was a real waste though… The mayo went kind of bad because it wasn’t contained properly, and you can only eat so much mayo before one gets sick of it…»

«You really shouldn’t waste food… Especially so carelessly…»

«I know… Plus I got so sick of eating it, I had to spend hours in the bathroom… I can still eat mayo though, luckily for me, but I still get kind of nauseous when I eat more than a sliver of it. Guess that was my payback for wasting good food…»

 

Handing you back the goop, you gave him the washcloth to wash off his hands. Seeing you put it back into the container, you gave him a gentle smile. But it still seemed like you wanted to address something… Probably his whole freak out… Which had been over something as ridiculous as trying to deny his instincts telling him to mate you.

You couldn’t know though, you couldn’t know what he was thinking about doing to you.

 

«So… I know you probably don’t want to talk about that, but is it something I did? So I can refrain from doing so in the future?»

«… No, not really… I was just, overthinking shit I guess…»

«I see… If I do something, let me know, okay? I don’t want you to go way out of your comfort zone on my behalf, I’ll let you have as much space as you need.»

«It’s… It’s not you, but… Thanks for… This I guess?»

«Oh, no worries. Stuff happens, and while it’s not necessarily good that they do, sometimes life just… Does things that makes you overthink and stuff. Do… Can I hug you?»

«Uhm… Sure?»

 

Opening your arm, inviting him in, he put his arms around you, almost completely engulfing you. You were just so warm, and small in his arms, and so sickeningly soft. He could die happily like this, in your arms. You hugged him tight, and he could feel you breathing against him. You felt so alive. 

Nuzzling his cheekbone into your hair, the stray hairs tickling him, he heard you sigh deeply. This was so… Nice. A warm fuzzy feeling was settling over him, and his soul was singing happily at the affection he was receiving. If he had a say in it, he’d have never let you go. But you probably wanted to, so his arms went slack.

But upon feeling you tighten your hold around him, he really couldn’t completely let you go. Not like he wanted to either, he just wanted to stay like this for as long as possible. And so, he nuzzled into your neck, feeling himself wanting to kiss it.

You smelled so good too, so much of you, it was making him dizzy.

 

«You’re a good hugger, you know?»

«Hm? Really?»

«Yeah, I think so at least.»

 

Fuck, he hadn’t even thought about how this felt for you, but he was glad you enjoyed the hugs as much as he did at least. Especially considering that meant he could hug you any time he wanted, right? Maybe. 

Leaning a bit too far to your side, the two of you fell into the bed, still holding each other close. 

No words were exchanged.

He was simply relishing in your warmth and softness, as you were breathing slower, and he let himself close his sockets.

Everything about this felt so right.

The way you just fit so perfectly in his hold, the way your bodily warmth was soothing his bones, and the absolutely wonderful smell of you playing with his senses. 

Every aspect of this was just perfect.

 

«You’re going to make me fall asleep… You sure you don’t want to spend the night cuddling?»

«I…»

 

Fighting with himself, a big part of him wanted to say ‘yes’ and never let you go, but he still didn’t want to let himself fall asleep in your presence, so he had to reluctantly decline.

 

«I have that… thing. If not, I would have said yes.»

«Mh… Okay, another time then. I’m going to pass out if you keep this up though. Let me follow you to the door.»

 

Finally letting him go, you stretched a bit, and yawned loudly. Which in turn made him yawn too. Pushing yourself to your feet, he really didn’t want to leave, he wanted to stay, here, with you in his arms. But he could never let himself fall asleep in your presence, and he did have work he had to get to the day after.

 

«Let me follow you to the door. Or… Are you taking the tram back?»

«Nah, I’ll be taking a walk. I know a handy short cut, so it won’t take too long.»

«Alright, text me when you get back home though.»

«Sure.»

 

Letting out another yawn, he had to stifle one of his own. Maybe he was more tired than he thought? You had been so warm though… That had to be it.

Following him out into your hall, you unlocked the door, and opened it. He slowly let himself out into the hallway. Standing there, you looked at him, really drowsy looking and tired. He could scoop you up and hold you forever. You were just so sweet, so… Everything, and more.

 

«Guess this is ‘good night’? Be safe, okay Sans?»

«Okay, you sleep well.»

«I will, good night Sans.»

«Good-»

 

Before he could finish you did something unexpected, you took a hold of his cheekbone, pulled him a bit, so close your faces were almost touching. 

 

And then something touched him.

 

«Be safe, I mean that Sans.»

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Shit.

 

There were just, so much, so many things. 

 

He felt as if he was choking and breathing at the same time.

 

Clutching his ribs, he didn’t know what to do, only staring at your retreating form, as you closed and locked the door.

 

You’d… No…

 

No.

 

This was…

 

You’d kissed him.

 

You had actually kissed him.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

He… Instantly short cut back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> : )
> 
> Sans finally got his kiss, but? Were you truly his soulmate? Only the next chapter can/will tell, whoooooops…
> 
> ALSO thank god for Tinkles, am I right?
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you liked this new chapter! As always I'm 100% available on Twitter, where I give out frequent updates on the progress of the fic, and also talk about other things, and post some art. So if you have any questions or wishes, you can DM me there!
> 
>  
> 
> It did take me some time writing this, mostly because I've had a majorly bad… half year? It was getting even worse these last couple of weeks... I had to drop a class, I'm going to go see an actual therapist, and I'm getting all the help I need though. So it'll probably work out? I hope? 
> 
> This is just a warning that writing this does take some time on my side, so it won't update as frequently as I want…


	6. Anticipation Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of warning for the beginning of the chapter:  
> Mentions - puke, suicide, self harm, death, gore

This… Wasn’t right.

Everything about this was wrong.

 

He was back in his room, the stench of himself flaring up his senses. He could honestly vomit, he wanted to. The constant pounding from the current headache, his mind racing, everything about this was so wrong, he wanted to scream and hurl. 

The nonexistent lurches from his stomach, grounded him. 

Falling to his knees, he tried grabbing for something, anything.

Phalanges gripping the material of his shirt, clenching it between them, feeling his hands ache with the constant pressure. His fucking head wound was aching, in phantom pain, as he felt himself unable to do anything. Fuck this was all wrong.

Dropping forward, his skull digging into the hard wooden floor, he started pounding his skull on the floor. Harder and even harder each time. It just wouldn’t go away. 

Opening his jaw, he felt himself lurch. The burning of not throwing up anything, not that he could, was worsening. His ribs was pressing against him, and he could only wish he had enough magic in him to be able to fucking puke. He wanted to get it out, the dry heaving was the worst.

 

No.

This was all fucking wrong!

 

Crashing his skull into the floor, he could feel something telling him to continue. Continue to hurt himself, this ugly feelings and thoughts needed to go away. The pain would make it go away. Letting out pathetic pleas, he just wished it all to leave him the fuck alone. 

Hearing a sharpening crack, the pain almost paralyzing him, he knew he’d broken something. But even if the pain was present, it wouldn’t go away, his soul was in anguish, begging for something, for aid. He wanted it to go away, it had to go away, he couldn’t bear this. He needed to fucking die, he needed to seize existing.

Inhaling the air he could, he choked on it. A burning feeling inside of him. Just go away! This anguish wouldn’t go. He was tearing himself up, from all of the sharp digging pain passing over his bones. He didn’t want this.

Attempting to steady himself, he propped himself up on his elbows, as he lurched again, letting out a loud fucking ugly sound. A bellowing groan followed, and his throat and insides were aching. He just wanted it to go away, he didn’t want this!

If he could pee himself, the angry lurches that followed would’ve pressed down enough on his bladder to make him piss himself. Damn it. Damn it all to fucking hell! 

Swallowing, he could feel the raspy feeling of his breath dragging down his throat. No, he hadn’t wanted this, it was just a bad dream, just a nightmare. 

 

Pressing his skull into the ground, he dragged it back and forth over the floor, begging for his dust to grind up against it. Grabbing at his neck, he could feel it, all over himself. The distant touches of fingers, poking and prodding at him. 

 

He just needed to distance himself, he just needed to stop feeling, he just needed to keep himself from thinking. Why the hell couldn’t it all go away?!

 

Shutting his sockets, he screamed. 

 

Letting out a belly-aching scream, so loud he was sure it hadn’t even come from himself, as it’s volume surprised even him.

Why couldn’t the pricking and itching go away?!

Dry heaving on the ground, the screams turning into something rotten. He couldn’t even fucking puke out the bile he could feel in his gut. Tears were burning away at his sockets, as another scream ripped out of him. 

It hurt so fucking much.

Digging his phalanges into his skull, he clawed at himself, like a wild animal choking to death. The immense feeling was slowly killing him. He couldn’t take it anymore, he needed to dust, he needed, he was begging for death.

 

«You’re so weak.»

 

Voices were chanting, telling him he needed to do something, to die. 

Just summon a bone and beat himself to death with it.

Jump out a window, he probably wouldn’t survive the drop, hopefully.

 

«P-please, no…»

 

Coughing harshly, he couldn’t breathe.

Flipping himself over, spine hitting the floor hard, he tried inhaling as much air as possible. He couldn’t breathe, but was that really too bad? After all he’d done?

If he was dead, who would fucking care? He wasn’t needed anymore, he was just garbage, he was a waste of dust. Clutching his ribs, he felt the need to rip off every single one of his bones, maybe that’d get this feeling to leave?

Shaky breaths, his vision blurry, he opened it up, to see something staring down at him. 

A shiver ran down his spine, as he quickly shut his sockets.

Feeling something dripping down, running down his cheekbone.

It smelled metallic, reeked of iron.

 

‘Keep your sockets closed, if you can’t see it, it can’t hurt you.’

 

Childish thoughts, of an ignorant brat. He’d grown up too fucking fast.

Why the hell wouldn’t it go away?!

The dripping continued, only falling on him quicker, torturing him. 

Begging for him to open up his sockets and face the reality of what he’d done. Reality was falling down on him, and he was a sweaty mess of nerves and terror. How could he have done that? How could he not have felt any remorse at the time? How had he allowed himself to let it get so fucking far?! 

 

«Because I like it. I like feeling the power.»

 

No, no he didn’t. He hated it, he hated every fucking second of it. It was a desperate attempt to save his family, save his friends. Save all that’d mattered to him. 

 

«I liked having people solely depend on me, I liked being in the spotlight. I was their fucking God.»

 

No, he wasn’t. He just wanted to be in the background and do his own things. He just wanted peace, he just wanted to be free, take a nap and relax.

 

«S-stop talking. For… F-for fucks sake.»

«You dare talk back to me? Dare talk back to the fucking God who kept you alive, who kept you safe?»

«I just…»

«You just fucking what?! Open your fucking eyes, what, you think you’re too good now?! You think you’re above that shit? You’re making me fucking laugh, you pitiful, sad disgrace. You did it, gladly, we were so fucking happy when we tore into them. Whenever we heard them scream it was like a breath of fresh air. It was a shit job, I admit that, but we loved it.»

«N-no… We- I-»

«Don’t fucking lie to me, I’m you. I know everything. You think the surface is going to change you? Going to change the fact that I know who and what you are?»

 

That pissed him off. The surface had changed everything. He was no longer starving, he was able to sleep, he was able to live a life where he wasn’t afraid of losing his friends every single fucking day, because now he had enough food.

Shooting up, his frustrations ignoring the fact that there’d been something there prior, he choked.

Just a thumbs distance away from his, hung a human corpse rotting away. Maggots tearing away at their face, as it distorted, some of the skin falling off and onto him like goop. Fat dollops were falling onto his clothes, soaking him. He tried inhaling air, but he couldn’t, as if something was physically blocking off his entrance.

Pushing himself backwards, hurriedly trying to put at least some distance from the corpse and himself his back hit the wall, as he clutched the tapestry. 

 

«C’mon, ain’t nothing you ain’t ever seen before. Don’t know why it suddenly scares you.»

«Is… Is it,»

«You’ve turned into such a fucking stammering mess. Have you forgotten that you can’t afford to be weak?»

 

It wasn’t real, this wasn’t real, he just… He was just stressed. He was either hallucinating or he’d fallen asleep, there was no way this was fucking real. The human strung up by a hook, hanging upside down, wasn’t fucking real. He was just tired, this wasn’t real.

 

«Trying to convince yourself you didn’t do this, huh? Tough luck trying to hide this away. I know we never cared for the taste of humans, but it’ll be fun trying to excuse this. Papyrus will be so disappointed… Not to mention the human you’ve grown to care for so much either. If she ever saw this, what do you think she’d say?»

 

This wasn’t real, there wasn’t a dead human… There was no way there was a dead human in his fucking room. He hadn’t… Right? He’d gone back home. He’d gone straight back home, this was just a bad dream, or a fucking hallucination. 

 

«‘Sans don’t hurt me, I care about you!’… Nah, she probably doesn’t care about you. No one does. You’re just an inconvenience to everyone around you, and well, you do shit like this too.»

«This isn’t real.»

«Call him.»

 

Call him? Who?

 

«Your brother you fucking moron. Call out for your brother, ask him. If this is real or not. You already know it is. How could you not you sick fuck? You did this.»

«If it was fucking real, then why the hell would- would there be maggots already tearing away at the decomposing body? You… You’re forgetting that fact b-buddy… The maggots wouldn’t have been there that quickly…»

«Unless you dug up the rotting corpse. Which you did by the way. Vandalizing graves… Tsk, that’s not really a good quality you know.»

«No- no! I went straight home, I went here, to my fucking room.»

«And then you dissociated, and I took over for a while. But you didn’t want a fresh kill, you smelled death, so you decided to go for a walk. And we found him. Buried of course, but it wasn’t a lot of stress on my part to dig him up, you were glad to do that. Didn’t know we had that much stamina in us.»

«Fuck no, I’d have, I would have remembered that!»

«Like you remember absolutely everything that happens to you, yeah. Anyways, the way I see it, you got a couple of options now. Either bury the body and risk getting caught, or call the cops and actually get fucking caught. The humans would absolutely love you outing yourself, mostly just because that’d confirm their suspicions. That we kill humans.»

«I… This can’t be fucking real.»

«Oh, it is. I thought we’d gotten past that first initial shock at this point, but you continue to disappoint me. What else could I have expected though? You’re just a big fucking disappointment.»

 

Shit, if this is fucking real, which now seemed plausible, what the hell was he supposed to do?! The decaying human can’t just be carried off, and if he’d fucking dug it up from a goddamned grave, then where the hell was the grave?! 

He couldn’t possibly fucking eat this rotting mess either, he flat out refused. It was like a cold bucket of water had been dumped all over him, completely forcing his aching nerves to act up. This was… So fucking bad. For what reason had he done this?! 

 

«This doesn’t make fucking sense, why would I dig up a fucking human? For starters, why not go for something fresh? We got food too, why the hell would I even go looking for a human? I can’t fucking eat this either?!»

«So now you try to make sense? Well if you have to know… Nah, I think it’s a lot more fun to let you fucking wonder and flail about trying to get rid of it.»

«Fuck you! We’re in big fucking trouble if anyone fucking finds us. This ain’t the goddamned Underground, we’ll be fucking fried in a chair for this, we need to get rid of it!»

«And we should care, why? You’re the one constantly going on and on about how you want to fucking die. Don’t you think you deserve it? After everything you’ve done?»

«Right now, do you really think that matters, you cynical piece of shit?!»

«Ah, seem to forget that I’m you, but I do agree however, you really pinned the needle on its head.»

«Fuck me!»

«I’d rather not.»

 

What the hell is he supposed to do? Dig a grave? Return the dead fucking human to wherever he’d found them?! He wasn’t even sure about where he’d found it! There were too many humans, and way too many graves and churchyards, he couldn’t walk around those places at fucking night without raising suspicion.

 

«Stop worrying so much, you idiot. The answer to your problem is pretty simple.»

«What, go through every-»

 

Taking a deep inhale, he tried to calm his nerves the best he possibly could in such a situation.

 

«Every churchyard and look for an open grave?»

«… You’re so stupid it’s not even cute.»

«Then what the hell are you suggesting?! What the fuck am I supposed to do? Humans are apparently pretty good at tracking down shit like this!»

«Calm down, I’m not going down because of a fucking decaying corpse like that. I’m not as pathetic as you. No, we’re getting rid of it the same way as always.»

«… You can’t possibly mean… I’m not going down there.»

«Says the guy who thought he deserved to be down there.»

«Fuck- I was scared okay?! I was fucking terrified! I don’t… I could never…»

«Yeah, don’t get your goddamn panties in a fucking twist. So you feel for a walking, talking bag of meat, doesn’t mean you have to kill her. Yet…»

«Get the hell out of my head!»

«You really trying to tell me you aren’t going to need my help? You really saying that? After I actually provided you a way out? Dumb fuck, listen here, you’re hideous, you’re a goddamn slob, you’re broken, you think that just because one meat bag says you’re attractive, that you actually are capable or deserve having people genuinely care about you? You ain’t fucking shit, bitch.»

«… Shut up. I’m… It’s… It’s the only option I have… You’re right, and I hate you for it, but you are.»

«Damn straight, so do what you need to do. Get enough magic in your system, drop the human off, and go take a shower, you fucking reek.»

 

With shaky knees, he stood up slowly. The infested human staring at him, even in it’s maggot filled state, like a fucking reminder of what he truly was, who he was. He was worse than a monster, he was a disgusting repulsive creature that didn’t deserve anything. He needed to dust, he wasn’t worth the effort, he wasn’t worth anything.

Slowly dragging his feet down the stairs, it was truly a wonder he hadn’t woken up his brother from the entire commotion, he just needed to get to the kitchen, pour a mouthful of magic into his mouth, take a hold of the human corpse, teleport to the Underground and back. Then he could take a shower and clean up the mess.

He was just so fucking nauseated, wishfully hoping he could keep all the magic he was about to get in his systems down, and hold it there. Fuck… Why had he even done that? What possible reason could he have to have done such a thing?!

Roaming the cabinets he found the container, filled with powdered magic. Removing the lid, he found a spoon in the drawer, and started pouring the ill-tasting powder down his gaping maw. He’d need quite a bit if he was going to be able to transport both himself, a bloated corpse, back and forth. He really didn’t feel like having to walk back from Mt. Ebott. 

Spoonful after spoonful, he downed all the powder he could. Swallowing the dry substance, he choked back coughs, he couldn’t waste anything. Couldn’t waste anything at all. His sockets were starting to water from holding back coughs, but he couldn’t stop. Shoving more of it down his maw. 

 

«Damn… You’re kind of a fat ass aren’t you? Eating all of that, without even thinking about the people still suffering? What would your past self have fucking thought?»

«Mf… I don’t want to fucking walk home, why the hell didn’t you wake me up if I was doing stupid shit like this?»

«Because you were in this fucking state. Couldn’t even reason with you. So… What’re your thoughts?»

«About what?»

«Oh you know.»

«Her?»

«Yeah, how’s it feel?»

«How the fuck am I supposed to feel?»

«Was hoping you could tell me that, because you know I could care less.»

 

True, but still, how the hell was he supposed to feel about that?

Sad, angry, happy, relieved?

He wasn’t sure.

 

«Eh, if you ask me, you should just fuck her and move on. She’s just meat to me y’know. Get past your emotions and move on. To the next kill.»

«You and I both know that we don’t have to do that anymore, we have everything we need. And don’t talk about her that way.»

«Sure, whatever. But the rush, the exhilarating feeling we get with each kill, don’t you miss that?»

«No.»

«Lies, I’m you, and I know we both enjoyed it. Getting out all of our anger and frustrations, it was like a weight lifted off our shoulders.»

«… We can’t do that anymore. We can’t keep hurting humans, especially not her.»

«Oh because she’s so fucking precious to you, ain’t she? Didn’t matter to you if she was our soulmate or not, you still fell in love with her.»

«I don’t fucking love her-»

«I’M YOU! I can feel whatever you feel, in fact you’re just talking to yourself! Yet, I’m your goddamn voice of reason. The one who keeps on telling you to kill, the one who keeps you company, because nobody else wants to. They’re all afraid of you, hell, even your very own brother is terrified of you!»

«He’s not scared of me! He wants what’s best for me. He wants me to be healthy, to be happy.»

«Yet he keeps flinching in your presence whenever you stare at a human too long. And trust me, you’re never going to get better. You’re never going to be normal. Never.»

«What the hell do you know… People change!»

«But you’re not like the rest are you? Because unlike other people, you like killing. You enjoy having people bow down to you and beg for their life, you love that power. Just as much as you love her. It’s pretty idiotic how you managed to fall for her as fast as you did. So fucking easy, little whore. Is that all it takes? Just a few well meaning words, and then you’re begging for her?»

«Fuck you! I don’t… love her.»

«Keep on denying it, who the hell are you trying to fool?! Me? I’m you! I’m you, and I’ll always be a part of you.»

 

That was fucking it, he was ending this now! While he still had enough energy in his fucking body!

Grabbing a cleaver, he held it against his cranium. Just a quick chop and he’d hopefully fucking dust. With the intent to kill, he took a deep breath, ready to swing. 

He needed to do this.

He was sick, he couldn’t be around people.

Couldn’t be around his brother, couldn’t be around other monsters.

Couldn’t be around you.

You.

 

«I’m sorry.»

 

You’d done nothing to him, never hurt him. You’d been way too kind to him, dishing out compliments with a heartfelt intent, touching him, taking care of him when he got stuck in his head. You didn’t expect anything in return, always taking the initiative. So mindful of him and his feelings. Only his brother had cared about him enough to at least attempt to help him.

 

«I’m sorry.»

 

But he was going to hurt you, he’d dragged a corpse back, he’d lost his grip on reality, he couldn’t be around you. He couldn’t. 

You were just so kind, to someone so undeserving. 

What would you even say if you were here now, you’d be so disappointed. His teeth were clattering and he was losing all his strength by the second. You’d take his hand, in your warm, soft, silk like ones. Hold his own, squeeze them, and give him that big smile of yours. 

 

«Right, kill yourself, that’ll solve everything. Anyways, you should never lose sight of the body, that’s pretty much rule number one.»

«She- she’d be so sad… Wouldn’t she?»

«She could move on, she’s not terrible looking, for a human. She’s dated before, hasn’t she? Ain’t going to wait around for you to get your shit together forever. Anyways, the body.»

«Do you think… She would cry for me?»

«And there’s the god complex again, you really that selfish that you think someone like her, would give a flying fuck about someone like you? She said it herself, she doesn’t know you that well.»

«You’re right, she doesn’t know me. But… I think… Maybe she wants to? She wouldn’t spend time on me if she wasn’t interested… She could waste her time on literally anything else, anyone else, yet she’s wasting it on… On me. I… I think…»

«Wasting time on living garbage yes. Now, the body.»

«There isn’t a body. There was never a body. Was there?»

 

Because he’d seen that corpse before. He’d accidentally fallen into the blue snow, and dragged out a decaying corpse. Completely frozen solid. So he’d tried to reheat it by hanging it on a hook, and the skin had started falling off in huge chunks. The maggots were new though, maybe something he’d seen in a movie or something.

 

«Clever. You recall. Anyways-»

«I win this fucking round, now, go rot away, I have things to do.»

«Heh… Till next time then?»

«Hopefully never.»

 

Taking a couple deep breaths, he steadied himself and dropped the cleaver on the counter. Reality was such a fucking mess at this point. Closing his sockets, he tried to figure out why he’d freaked out in the first place. 

Because he finally knew the truth?

Because he finally knew if you were his soulmate?

What’s the point?

Is there even a point to it all anymore?

He didn’t have anything to prove, he didn’t need to actually date you. You always gave outs, you always gave him time, you were so patient. Yet, you were the one to take the initiative, you kissed him, and he hadn’t even asked for it! On his fucking mouth even!

It was too quick to make him even form an opinion on the kiss in itself, but fuck the emotions it gave him, the aftermath, was something fucking else.

There was a not so gentle ringing in his head, and he could feel throbbing pain coming from his forehead. He had eaten enough powdered magic to ease it all up, but it was still pretty fucking painful, which only meant that something was really wrong. Aside from the truth hurting his soul.

Short cutting into the bathroom, he had to do a damage report, it probably just hurt from him banging his skull into the floor. But he was still somewhat worried he’d hurt himself bad this time. 

A deep breath, and he took a look at his own reflection. 

 

Shit.

 

Shit, fuck-

 

Examining his skull there was now a deep crack running from his head wound down to his socket. A huge chip must’ve fallen off, thus creating a deep, long crack. Shit. This looked so bad, this looked terrible.

Even if he knew he’d looked terrible before, he looked even worse for wear now. Now both his sockets looked pretty much fucked up! Before, at least he’d had his one good socket, now he didn’t even have that anymore!

What would you say?

You knew he hurt himself, but this looked so bad. What if you determined it was too much for you to handle? That he had too much baggage to carry, that you just couldn’t make the effort? That he was too damaged for you to even try to fix? It wasn’t your job to fix him, he knew that, but he… He couldn’t bear the thought of you leaving him because of his problems.

The crack wasn’t that obvious was it? He could, could probably hide it away, right?

If you did notice, he was in for it. You’d look at him with that worried expression you’d given, but he wasn’t safe still. You’d finally see how fucked up he was, that he hurt himself badly, physical pain to get away from the reality that was his cluttered mind.

He couldn’t lose you, flat out refused to. 

Somehow, you’d managed to wedge yourself into his side, and now he needed you to stay. He couldn’t even think about how you might leave him, because if you did, it’d finally push him over the edge. 

 

He…

It was just too much.

Between his own psyche, and his relations, the pile of shit had heaped up into a heavy boulder, landing smack on top of him. Crushing his bones, cracking them up like wimpy little twigs. He didn’t want to feel so useless, he didn’t want to feel like this, he just wanted everything to work out, for everything to be fine.

There’s a pressure in his sternum, as if knuckles are pressing down hard against it, and as nauseating as the feeling is, he manages to fight it enough, to call out for his brother. Deep down, somewhere, he knew that isolation was what he probably deserved, but not what he needed right now.

The need to talk to someone, to make someone listen, to be heard, had nudged into his mind. He couldn’t be alone right now, if he let himself be alone, he might start hurting himself again. 

Why is the world so fucking cruel?

Why does it feel like he takes one step forward, yet two steps back?

It was so endlessly frustrating, to feel stuck in one place. Not knowing what you’re supposed to do. If there was anything he wanted more in this world, it was to be ‘healthy’ again. To be cleared of all mental illnesses, to get food every day, to not worry about his own brother constantly that he was safe, and now you as well.

Had it not been for the fact that he’d just seen you, made a complete and utter fool of himself, he would’ve gone straight back for comfort that he knows he don’t deserve. It’s just so pleasant. So fucking good, to have someone genuinely care about you and your well being.

Words are just words, but with you it actually felt like it mattered. Like every single word you said, even if he couldn’t even recall half of the conversations, that each and every thing mattered. Because… You mattered. 

You’re worth so much to him, and losing you, would kill him. 

Even if he knows, that it’s not healthy to be so reliant on another person and their opinions, everything that you said or did, had an infliction upon his entire being. 

 

Maybe…

 

Just maybe…

 

He’s actually fallen in love with you?

 

What a hilarious, cruel joke that is. You don’t deserve the shit and the big ass boulder of a baggage that came with him. The amount of work you’d need to spend on him, would probably kill you, hell, it probably will if he gets even closer to you.

Had you just… Had he just decided not to engage you, none of this would’ve happened. Had he not gotten frustrated with your dissociation and let his brother handle the situation, he wouldn’t have met you.

Wouldn’t have gotten to see your smile that shine so brightly, wouldn’t have experienced the warmth that spread through him with every single one of your hugs, and he definitely wouldn’t have figured it out.

 

——————  
«…So? What did the two of you talk about?»

«Nothing much Bee, we just… caught up a bit I guess?»

«I mean, you’re usually not as excited for your dates. I take it, it’s going well?»

«Mh…»

 

The look you exchanged with your close friend and roommate, was a conflicted one. Sure, you’d given him comfort and a good-night kiss, but did you really like him? Yes, you’re very interested in him as a person, and he is rather good looking. But…

 

«Mh? What do you mean ‘mh’? Do you not like him?»

«Well… I don’t know, I feel like I just don’t know him well enough? It’s like… There’s this big secret he’s keeping, and he just won’t talk about it.»

«Some people are just more… Reserved than others, you know that. You never gave up on me, y’know? Once you got me out of my little ‘bubble’ we became really close, real fast.»

«I know, and I love you very much Bee!»

«Love you too, but seriously? You have no thoughts as to whether you want to continue dating him or not?»

«I mean, we have a second date like… The day after tomorrow, but that’s not the point. While I enjoy, very much, hanging out with him, I just don’t know if I see a future?»

«What do you mean?»

 

Sighing, you shifted in your bed, Bee lying right beside you. 

 

«For starters, I feel like he keeps holding something back, something crucial. And you know I like my guys honest. I’m too old to deal with sneaky liars.»

«Hear hear!»

«Secondly, I mean… I don’t know if I feel that… Spark? I know it’s probably too soon to tell, whether it’s serious or not, I just don’t want a repeat of- y’know.»

«But he is not ‘him’. He’s an entirely different person, different background, everything about him is different. You can take all the time you need. From what I know, based on our really short interaction, is that he’s at least considerate of others.»

«I know Bee… I know, but at the same time I just… Don’t know.»

«You can take the time you need to figure things out, plus, if you do break it off after… I dunno, third date or something, then maybe he’ll just be a really good friend? Anyways, have you considered what I told you?»

 

Of course you had, it’d been on your mind all day. Which is partly why you had even started crying, not with the set intention of Bee inflicting any pain on you.

 

«Is it really… A good idea?»

«I’m going to be very honest with you right now, and I just have to let you know before I say anything, that I care about you lots and I love you.»

«Love you too honey.»

«You need help. You’re a people pleaser, and while I know you have a hard time even talking about half the stuff you’ve experienced, you’re not thinking about yourself and your basic needs. A while ago, you told me about Maslow’s theory, the pyramid thingy.»

«…Mhm?»

«About the basic needs for a human being, and then all the other stuff, but anyways. You’re not taking care of yourself. You’re crying almost every single day, and you sort of have a nicotine addiction. You only eat, whenever you’re in company, you barely get any sleep, and you almost piss yourself because you have to finish helping other people first.»

 

… True.

 

«What have you done for yourself today? Eh… Yesterday? What did you do, that was good for you?»

«I had lunch and dinner, and I got myself that one cup of coffee! And I also saw Sans today, and got cuddles.»

«That’s good, but did you take my suggestion? To just go for a walk and look at the trees?»

«Mh… No- I know, I was supposed to, but… I just couldn’t today.»

«You help so many people, on a daily basis. You make sure all of your friends are alright, you message your family good night, and you’re people’s go-to whenever there’s an issue. But you can’t solve everyone’s problems. You need to help yourself first, and then other people. Like the instruction says when you’re flying. Put your own mask on first, before helping others.»

«I know but-»

«You’re a good person. You’re an incredibly good person, and yet you never take time to do things for yourself. I know you’ve been feeling this for years, that- that heaviness. But right now, your seams are coming undone, because you haven’t been able to properly sow yourself back up again! I know that wasn’t a good metaphor, but I hope I’m making a bit of sense-»

«Look! I know Bee! I know so damn well that I’m not- that I’m not one hundred percent right now. Fuck, I’m struggling to get up and out of bed for work every day, and it feels like there’s a huge fire around me all the goddamn fucking time but I just- I’m just so fucking tired…»

You went quiet, as tears were threatening to spill. You were just so fucking tired, could you not just get one night, just one night, to get proper rest and wake up alright?! Was that too much to ask?! With shaky hands, you wiped at your nose, and sniffled.

 

«I’m not… I just… I don’t know what to do any more Bee. The world feels like it’s crashing down on me, and I don’t know what to do.»

«See a therapist! I’ve been telling you about it for so long, that you need some help! I’m not a professional, I’m not sure what to do whenever things get heavy like this, and I’m not… you. You always know how to help people, you always make a huge effort to make other people feel better, you always know what to do and say, and you’re doing a great job at it too. I’m not you, and I know you well enough, to know that you can read the signs.»

«… I know Bee, I know. I know it’s there, and if I had been anyone else, I would’ve helped them see a therapist and get help, but… It’s hard and while I know the answer, the solutions and advice, it’s a whole different story helping others, than helping yourself.»

«Which is why I’m telling you, here and now. Get help. I’ll help you call a therapist tomorrow, and we’ll scrounge up the money. I don’t care if I don’t get to buy expensive meals, I don’t care if I spend all the money I’ve saved up, just to help you out. Because you’re so… Endlessly worth it. You’re the greatest friend anyone could have ever asked for.»

 

Smiling at Bee, you dried your tears, and hugged her tight. She’s right. Even if you feel like shit for having to use a bit of her money to afford a therapist, you know you need it.

 

«I’ll call my parents tomorrow and explain the situation, maybe they could help me out a bit too… I love you lots Bee, thank you for being a good friend.»

«Love you too.»

 

——————

 

Groggily, he managed to push himself upwards, sockets feeling slimy and heavy for some reason. Scratching his somewhat itchy sockets, he pried them open, to see that he was no longer in his room. He knew he should’ve been shocked at seeing new surroundings, but his head was aching and he was still so very nauseous.

Turning his skull slightly to the side, caused a throbbing pain in his neck, and he hissed. He was in his brother’s room, tucked beneath the warmth of his brothers covers. It smelled of his brother, and as strange as it may have been, he found the familiarness very comforting.

He was the only one in the bed, his brother must’ve left for work or something. Which left him wondering what had happened yesterday. There was a lot to sort out, for starters the episode, then how he’d gotten into his brothers bed.

The last one being only somewhat important, as he had no recollection of how he’d wound up there. Not that it was of too major importance, considering he was safe now. 

Considering the episode wasn’t too unfamiliar, maybe he should address the fact what had caused it. The fact that he finally knew if you were his actual soulmate. Sure, it might not have mattered in the long run, considering he already cared a whole lot for you, and probably would’ve bonded with you regardless.

 

But confirming his suspicions however?

 

That you actually were his true soulmate.

 

Fuck, that had been a wild ride.

 

It was as though… His soul had felt everything there was to feel at once, and then suddenly, an emptiness? Only for it to be filled to the brim with an instant, which had caused him a major headache. He felt, so full. As though he’d had a couple dozen three course meals. 

At the same time as he was happy, he was angry, sad, scared, and pain. 

You’d been on the surface the entire time. Completely out of his reach, for so very long, and he’d finally found you. His soulmate. While he knows, he should be happy, because you actually seemed to like him back, there was just a frenzy of emotions.

Where the hell had you been when he was starving, for years, until he was forced to finally eat human flesh, until he couldn’t even manage to get his brother to hold him back from doing something so unspeakable.

Where had you been when the power had run out, when Undyne and Alphys had tried to kill him for a ‘power source’. When he’d worked day and night, exerting the little energy he had to try and fucking fix everything, to save his own race singlehandedly. 

Where had you fucking been when everything had gone to hell?!

Why the hell hadn’t you been there to help him, why hadn’t you been there to save him, why hadn’t you been there to comfort him?!

 

He’d wept so much, cried for hours upon hours, for days, begging and praying. Hoping that someday, his soulmate would come to him, kiss away his tears, help his people, and make everything wrong, right. 

But no, you’d been here, living it up on the surface, with endless resources, never fucking starving! 

When he had suffered great injustice, pain, been on the brink of fucking death so many times, you’d stuffed your face and thrown away food as if it had no value. There was a certain hatred he’d reserved for his soulmate, if he’d ever get to meet them, which he’d had thought was so unrealistic that he’d given up completely until he met you, that he’d hurt them purposely.

How the fuck could he hurt you though?

From how you acted around him, he’d received nothing but kindness and comfort, like it should’ve been if he’d had met you before him and his people started starving. It should have been nice, it should have been the best thing to ever happen to him, but this just… Left a foul distaste in his mouth.

Though, he knew you didn’t know what was happening to him or his people, he still felt angry with you for not knowing. It was real fucking stupid, because you weren’t to blame at all. But… But your soulmate was supposed to make everything bad, good. Everything wrong, right. 

So, it was so incredibly painful knowing that you actually existed. 

That, no, you hadn’t been there when he’d desperately needed you. Screaming, crying out for something, for you, to please-please help him. That he couldn’t deal with it on his own, that he was dying slowly, from the stress, the pressure, and the starvation.

He’d needed you so badly.

Yet…

You were still everything, and more, than he would ever deserve, that he could’ve ever hoper for. While he knew it was unfair, considering you would’ve still been in your teens when he first started to starve, when that… Day happened. It would have been so much better, if you’d just been there to dry his tears.

Even if you were here now, was it really enough?

Soulmates… Wasn’t even a thing beyond fiction and beliefs for humans, not the truth. You wouldn’t, no, couldn’t have known. Maybe if you had, maybe you’d have tried finding him. Had it not been for the cruelty of your race, sealing away the monsters, maybe you’d have known.

It still hurt so badly, hypothesizing that if you’d have known you’d at least have tried looking for him. You still probably didn’t even know? Did you? He knew he felt it resonate with his own soul, but humans had become so detached, from all that was magic and the concept of souls beyond a sentient mind.

Had you even felt half of the amount of feeling that he had?

For some reason, this felt so sudden, so strange. Pushing down the covers, he stared at the ceiling. Then, there was the happiness of it all, the absolute joy. 

You.

It had been you, all along.

Someone as sweet and kind as you, someone so selfless, passionate, considerate. And straight up gorgeous. Fuck, you were the most attractive person he’d ever seen, so perfect in every way. You’re the only one…

By everyone’s standards, you were straight up drop-dead fucking gorgeous. Right? You had to be. Feeling his soul thrumming happily at the thought of you, he felt himself grow warmer. His grin tightened and a pressure made itself known, spreading throughout the front of his skull. 

He was staring at his ribs moving up and down with every single breath. How the hell was he so fucking lucky? Not only are you the most precious being that has ever been close to him, but you’re also hid goddamned soulmate. Yeah, he’s probably finally dusted and gone to that ‘heaven’ humans are so fond of telling him about.

Though mostly that he’d never get that, because he was the devil incarnate.

Even so, how the hell could anyone have ever been so lucky? Finally it felt like all that hell might’ve been somewhat worth it, just to meet you. A tear streamed down from his socket, wetting the soft pillow beneath. He knows, he doesn't deserve to feel this way, to meet someone like you, but it…

How could it feel so good?

Hiccuping, he dried away the tears frantically, rising to lean on his elbows in the bed. Sunlight was peeking through his brothers blinds, and it felt like the room illuminated some sort of ethereal light as regular old dust was dancing in the light, almost appearing as glitter.

As mesmerizing as it appeared, he still wasn’t sure exactly how- if he was allowed to feel like this. 

What would you say?

Should he let you know?

 

«I’m… I-I’m your soulmate.»

 

No, that just sounded fucking weird… You wouldn’t know how to comprehend it right? You wouldn't understand, and while it hurt, he gained some hope in knowing that you, were you. You’d probably take the time to understand.

 

«You… You’re my soulmate.»

 

The words felt like they were melting in his mouth, as if he was taking a huge bite of candy floss. So sweet, wonderful.

 

«You’re m-my… My soulmate.»

 

His soulmate.

 

«My… Mine… She’s my fucking soulmate.»

 

Grinning like an idiot, he finally let the tears fall down freely as he gripped the sheets. An immense amount of endorphins felt like had been injected into his system, as though he’d snorted a line of coke, high on fucking ecstacy!

 

«She’s my- Mine!»

 

Taking deep breaths, he felt like he could laugh. So he did, he laughed, loudly, as tears dampened the duvet. What a fucking thing to discover! He was one out of two known monsters who’d actually managed to find his soulmate, and he hadn’t even needed to search for you!

You’d come into his life, you’d wanted to. You had fucking wanted to get to know the real him, date him, without even knowing if he was your true soulmate! Shit, it was so hilarious! It was always you! The weirdo he’d thought was staring at him and his brother in the library, turned out to be his lovely soulmate!

 

«She’s my soulmate!»

 

Blessed be the surface, out of about 7 billion people, it turned out, you, were his soulmate. You’d actually found him, he had finally found you. Why the hell had he even been angry?! Why had he ever been sad?! He should’ve been happy! Sure, his life had been shit, but with you in it, waiting for him at the finish line, it was all fucking worth it.

He was, for once, a bit glad about the fact that he’d made it. That he’d actually survived the horrors of the Underground. That he’d actually made it to the surface with his brother, because he got everything he’d ever asked for. He got food, he got his brothers safety, his people were safe, and it was a huge bonus that he’d gotten you as well!

A loud crash and a bang was heard from outside his brothers bedroom, and he jumped clutching his ribs. The door was kicked down with a large bang, ripping a piece of wall with them. He felt his magic build up, ready to fight, until a blur grabbed him and clutched him tight.

 

«YOU DID IT! YOU FINALLY DID IT!»

 

Too shocked to speak, to breathe, he became his brothers rag doll as he was lifted out of the bed and spun around, as if he weighed nothing.

 

«IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!»

 

Loud knocks made themselves known on the other side of the wall. Maybe it was earlier than he’d first suspected, or maybe someone was renovating, all he knew, was that his brother was being way too loud. With his… Door kicking and screaming.

 

«So… This Is Why You Freaked Out Tonight…? Did She… Did You Finally Tell Her…? Because I’ve Heard Soulmates Can Communicate On This Telepathic Level And-»

«Wh- No! I can’t listen into her thoughts, or she mine. I-I think so at least…?»

«Oh… Well… I’m Happy For You Regardless. What You Did Was Incredible And Im So Happy… My Brother Found His Soulmate, His True Soulmate. I’m Proud Of You Sans!»

«Uh… Thanks? I just, I don’t know what to do, or how to feel.»

«…What Do You Mean?»

«Like, I feel good, but it hurts too. I’m happy, but I’m also sad, angry, and there’s just so many feelings all at once. I dont know, am I supposed to feel like this? You think something is wrong?»

«To Feel Unsure How You’re Going To Take This Information? Of Course Not Sans! Its Only Natural To Feel A Flurry Of Emotions When You Find Your Soulmate! Didn’t You Read The Dating Manuals Chapter On True Soulmates? It Says There, That Monster Souls Go Through A Lot of Emotions All At Once, Because Its Preparing You For The Future. Like… Hormonal Teenagers!»

«Wh- Could you explain it a bit differently Paps, you’ve completely lost me.»

«Okay… So, Short Version, When You First Discover Your True Soulmate, You Go Through… Like, A Second ‘Coming Of Age’, If That Makes Sense?»

«Why?»

«To Restart Yourself In Some Form…? Is My Guess At Least. If You’ve Previously Hated Your Soulmate, Your Soul Will Work Through It. If You’ve Always Held Happy Feelings For Them, Your Soul Will Make You Think About All The Potential Ways They Could Hurt You. Basically, To Strengthen Your Bond.»

«So… What you’re saying, at least in my understanding, is that my soul will go through a frenzy of fucking emotions, for like… An evaluation of who my soulmate is?»

«I… Guess? Not A Lot Is Known About True Soulmates, But Its Said That Your Soul Will Learn To Adapt, Which In The End Makes You Adapt. Its A Phase That Makes You Think, About Your Entire Life, Both Past, Present And Future. Its A Way To Learn How To Stick Through Any Hardships With Your Soulmate. You’re Basically… Adapting To Each Others Wavelengths.»

«But she’s a human…? What does that mean for her?»

«I’m… Not Certain, I Dont Hold All The Answers Sans. All I Know Is That It Gets Better With Time, Considering, You’ll Spend The Rest Of Eternity With Her. I’m Actually Kind Of Glad She Took The Initial Step To Meeting You. Imagine If We’d Have Scared Her off! I’m Just Glad Everything Is Working Out!»

«… I mean… Yeah, yeah, things are working out.»

«See! It’s Going To Take Some Effort, But Eventually Everything Will Be Alright! ALSO! When Will I Get To Meet Her?! Where Are You Going To Live?! HOW MANY CHILDREN WILL YOU-!»

 

This was way too many questions, and shoving a pillow over his face, he groaned. Continuing to listen to his brothers many rambles about the potential future. He just woke up. He just gained the knowledge that you were in fact his soulmate. 

Finally, he’d learnt that he’d go through some emotional bullshit, with a bit over a week left until his actual heat. What would that even mean for him now, now that he knew of his true soulmate? Would that make the heat even worse? Quite possible. Plus, it was probably too soon for the two of you to even get down with it.

He’d probably be a mess about it too, he’d need to avoid you, which would be so fucking hard. Literally. Well, he could explain the situation, that you’re actually soulmates, show some little magic tricks, and tell you about the heat he’d go through. You were his soulmate, and you probably wouldn’t want kids right away, which meant that there’d be no poor decisions being made on a whim.

It could all work out, and he could finally spend his heat with an actual partner.

Strange really, how everything seemed to be working out like this?

For once, he might actually be able to enjoy himself. He had a sliver of hope inside of him, and a bit of a burning fire, as well. Everything might work out. His life, may not have started the best, he may have had to go through a living hell for so fucking long, but at the very least life, the universe, was finally rewarding him for his hardships.

Maybe, just maybe, he could get healthy again.

Perhaps his depression would subside, and maybe he could actually feel like any other neurotypical would. It was enough to make him start crying again. For once, he had someone like you. He had someone that would kiss him, hold him tight, dry his tears and make everything wrong, seem right.

Someone to face all his hardships with, someone to make it all better. 

A ringing sound was heard, and his brother, ripped away the pillow he’d tried to suffocate the loud noises with. He couldn’t even glare at him, as his brother looked so gleeful, so excited, so much as himself, at least the way he’d been before the hunger had started.

 

«SHE’S CALLING YOU! OH BROTHER I’M GOING TO CRY! I’LL GO REHEAT BREAKFAST! I’M STILL VERY HAPPY FOR YOU!»

 

Thanking his brother, he pressed the green ‘answer call’ button and put his phone against his skull. He had to somehow contain his excitement, suppress it a bit. But for once he actually felt a bit happy.

 

«… Morning Sans.»

«Good morning!»

 

Shit, he sounded a bit too excited…

 

«I’ve been thinking a bit about last night and… Well… I’m not really good at this…?»

 

Oh. 

Fuck.

You sounded very tired, and somewhat negative, did you want to break it all off?!

Not now! Not when he was so fucking close to achieving happiness.

Clutching the sheets, his mouth tasting chalky, breathing quickening, he could only hope and beg for anything but you breaking it all off with him!

 

«And well… Bee and I had a conversation last night, and I think it’s best if I-»

«Please… Please no.»

«Uh… You alright Sans?»

«Please… I’m sorry… Whatever it is I did, I’m very sorry, I’ll improve, I’ll-»

«Wait, no? You haven’t done anything? I was going to say that I’ll… Start seeing a- uhh… A therapist. To work on some personal problems of mine.»

«…Oh?»

«Yeah, it’s… It’s making me stay up at night, I can barely get any sleep. I’m crying a whole lot, and I get like… Shit- uh… Anyways, just thought I’d let you know, in case you were wondering if I was ever going to… Deal with ‘that’.»

«So… It’s not about the ‘kiss’?»

«What? No? Why would it be-»

 

Hearing you gasp sharply, he winced. No, he’d over spoken, he hadn’t meant to make it sound like a big deal of some sort, but now he had. Truth is, to him it was. It was a really fucking big deal.

 

«Oh, no, no Sans, that’s not it at all. I liked the little peck. So… Uhm… I kind of should apologize to you, maybe it was too soon or something, I don’t know…»

«It’s alright with me, got me thinking of… Things…»

«What things?»

«Uh… Stuff I’d like to talk to you about on a later basis… If that’s alright?»

«Sure you can talk to me whenever- Oh! Wait, it wasn’t your first kiss was it?»

«Hm…? No?»

 

Hearing you sigh, relieved, got him very confused. Why were you relieved that it wasn’t his first one?

 

«Good, good. Didn’t want your ‘first kiss’ to be a good-nights peck… So, you’ve kissed people before?»

«Uhm… Yeah, just to… To figure things out…?»

«What things?»

«Part of some… Monster thing, you wouldn’t get it.»

«You could always explain it to me you know? Who’d I tell? With all the misinformation being spread about, it’d be good to get some actual truths about monster culture. I actually have a monster client today! I’m pretty excited! Just some make-up, but it’ll be very exciting. Apparently, she’s-»

«It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, and it’s not that I don’t trust you, because I do. I really do- there’s… There’s just been so much shit going on, and I want to tell you everything, but it’s all fucking awful, and I don’t want you to be sad or pity me, and I don’t want to screw it all up, because I know I will and-»

«Hey, hey! Sans… Shh… I get it. There’s a lot on your heart, that you want to tell me right now, but if you keep talking as if you’re about to miss a train and are running a marathon to reach it, you’re going to get a panic attack and maybe even pass out. It’s okay. I know you want to tell me about some things, and eventually, you will. It might takes some time, but I’ll be patient, for you.»

 

Not only had he cut you off, his soul was jumping all over the place. He’d never meant to interrupt you, for some reason he just had. It was like his soul was racing a mile a minute, and everything just spilled out. It hadn’t been his intention at all, and if he’d had any control of his own fucking soul and body, he wouldn’t have spilled that.

 

«But… You’re going to have to tell me eventually, alright? Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, you can take the time you need. Anyways uh… What was I saying…?»

«… I don’t recall? Something about kisses?»

«Right, I’m glad it wasn’t your first one, because I should’ve done way better… I mean the setting itself was kind of cute, but it was just a peck so… Wanna try again?»

«…Again?»

«Yeah, I mean, that hardly counts as your reward for winning our game.»

 

Grinning stupidly to himself, he just kept on thinking about kissing you, over and over. You were so lovely, and your lips felt like velvet, or silk, or whatever texture those romance writers loved to use so much. ‘Your lips felt like denim’ - probably not a good way to describe someones kiss. Feeling a blush spread to his cheekbones, he closed his sockets, imagining the perfect kiss with you.

 

«How’s your morning going Sans? Did you finish the ‘stuff’?»

«Uhm… I kinda… Had to drop it?»

«Oh no, what happened? Is it because I kept you up for a bit or?»

«Nah… Just… Some other stuff happened, and I couldn’t really… Do it I guess…?»

«Okay then, also, I just wanted to thank you for taking it cool with Bee yesterday. I’m still kind of sorry about the fact that she’s kinda freaked out, but she said you were really considerate. She might be kinda scared, but she’ll get there, especially considering she’s already warming up to you. She usually turns into a wallflower if she doesn’t want to be around anyone, so I’m very happy.»

«Yeah, but also… You know I don’t mind it, when humans get freaked out by my appearance? Like, it’s annoying sometimes, but I’m kind of used to it, so it doesn’t bother me.»

«Still though, it is pretty shitty… They don’t know you, and they just judge you based on something they have no business judging. Humans judge people for shit that aren’t even important like, I didn’t ask for their opinions? Their opinions are stupid.»

«You’re right. I’d be lying if I said that it doesn’t sometimes get to me but… B-but…»

 

Could his soul please just give him a day off? 

Why the hell is he over speaking like this, it’s like he has constant fucking mouth diarrhea. He wants to fucking perish…

 

«Mh… New subject?»

«P-please…»

«Okay so, uh, oh right! I was going to tell you that I have my first monster client today!»

«O-oh?»

«Yeah! Apparently, she’s like, the queen of all monsters or something? We talked on the phone this morning, said she had to get ready for an important embassy meeting. Got really intense on me for a second, asking some really odd questions, but I guess she’s just an odd one.»

«T-the queen?»

«Yes! Isn’t it exciting?!»

 

All of his sudden good mood, was replaced by almost incontrollable anger. That fucking bitch! Sure, logically he knows, there’s no fucking possible way that she knew you were Sans’ beaux, but still, she contacted you! He was going to fucking kill that fucking bitch, and he doesn’t care if he got fucking busted.

She had absolutely no fucking right contacting you!

All he wanted to do was say ‘You stay away from that lying fucking bitch, she’s done nothing but hurt people, and if she gets the fucking chance, she’ll hurt you too! She’s completely deranged, and if she knew that you and I were seeing each other she’d probably fucking hurt you too.’ But all he could do was grit his teeth and mutter a ‘Yeah sure’.

 

«Hey, Sans?»

«Mh?»

«I can’t wait for our second date. I hope you have a lovely day, remember to have some water, eat some food, treat yourself to something nice, and just in general, do things that are good for you!»

«Y-you too!»

«Ait, I have to get going, love you, bye!»

«By- wait, what?»

 

Being left to the sad repetetive beeps of you having hung up on him, he thought he must’ve imagined it. But no, you’d clearly said ‘love you’, like the… The last conversation you’d had over phone. Holy fuck, he- you, you loved him?!

And once again, all the anger had suddenly vanished, replaced with the feeling of warmth, positivity, and happiness. These mood swings were probably going to get the best of him some day, but right now he didn’t care, because, maybe… Just maybe…

 

He loved you back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEHEHEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHe
> 
> I'm sorry this took a while, I was so unsatisfied with the beginning, I scrapped a lot of good material… But I got some very lovely Beta Readers going over some of my material, and its helped giving me some insight on stuff.
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter! If you want to know the progress of my fics, have any requests, or you just wanna talk, my Twitter is @Nonfigurativt !!! :)))))))
> 
>  
> 
> (Ive also been p busy with work, which is why it's also taken so long……… I couldn't be bothered to fix grammatical errors, I'll fix it all eventually)


	7. Dream Date

The mind and the body are two different things, but one cannot function without the other.Its important to take care of your body, but also your mind, so if one isn’t working, then the other one won’t function properly either. And they’re constantly working together, you need them both to work. You need them both to be in perfect synch, like a beautiful orchestra playing such wonderful tunes, that could lull anyone into a deep trance.  
Which is why one would find it odd how one is considered not as big of a deal as the other. Physical signs of illness will be taken more seriously by the common man, a torment shown to the outside world. While the horridness of the minds illness, is invisible, sometimes barely showing. You can barely see it at first glance, and you will ignore it, unless it is visible physically. But how can one show the illness of the mind? How can one portray the true torture a sentient mind will go through, when it isn’t visible to everyone? 

It’s just as painful, some might even say more so. So why is it, that one is deemed to be of a ‘bigger’ deal than the other? When either could be dying slowly. Why is it, that it takes so long, so very long to allow yourself to acknowledge the fact that yes, you are ill, and yes, you do need help.It’s borderline sickening how you have to prove the fact that you are ill, that you do need aid, that you do need someone to please, help you. It’s a long and hard process, and while some physical illnesses can be shown to improve significantly within just a couple days, mental illnesses will take time. 

Because it’s not something, someone else, can fix. It is not an easy fix. You can’t just sow yourself back together, place a big bandaid on it, and take it easier for the next couple of days. No, it takes effort, it takes motivation, it takes so much energy that you just do not have.

One could ignore it, try to tell yourself that it’s fine, that you don’t need help, but you’re just pushing yourself deeper into the illness, allowing it to take over. While a bullet wound, would receive immediate help, because you know you will die from it, if not fixed right away, you’ll keep telling yourself that the mental illness can be postponed.

That you’ll deal with sadness, sorrow, fear, later. Then you wind up not sleeping for days, and as time passes, you’re slowly yet steadily, killing yourself. You just continue to procrastinate, because hell, you can deal with another day, it’s just your mind, it’s not an immediate thing.

Then, one day, everything just breaks, and when you’re finally able to pick yourself up again. It just keeps happening, over and over. You just let it happen, because you can deal with it. You cannot receive help, and yet you feel oh-so broken. 

Your symptoms gets worse, increasing, as time passes. You keep telling yourself, it’s not that bad, but you know that if anyone else was to peek into your own mind, they’d be terrified. You’re slowly dying, and you’re just letting it happen. The illness, is taking all your energy, all your logic, breaking it into little pieces, until you feel ruined. 

What’s the point of getting help?

What’s the point, when it takes effort, energy, and hard work, that you’re just not able to put into it?

You’re slowly dying, and you’re just letting it happen.

 

So, this is how you wind up, kissing another broken person, slowly, full of intent. You’re begging for aid, you’re begging for yourself to finally, please, feel something other than all the pain. You’re letting yourself believe the lies your mind is spilling, that they will make everything right. That everything wrong will suddenly be solved. That they, are your savior from the hell hole, that is your poor mind.

Tongues are slowly meeting each other, touching in such a passionate way, yet… So slowly. It feels like your mouth is full of soft, warm, welcoming feelings, and you let yourself believe that this is what will make you happy. This is what will make you feel whole.

Hands are on your sides, touching, prodding. Yet these hands, these touches, are so slow, comfortable, safe. It makes you forget about the outside world, that there is something other than you. You just focus on the feeling of the touches. The tickling, prickles slowly transformed from just a touch, into something so wonderful, you believe this is what will heal you.

Deep breaths, breaks, as you smile, gently at each other, still holding one another in this tight embrace. This… Hope, for sudden happiness. This warmth, beauty, wonder, a marvelous thrill of emotions and deep empathy for someone other than you.

They’re wonderful, they feel so good against you, and it makes you forget, for just a second, about everything that hurts. It makes you feel so whole and so… Complete. It’s an incredible fountain, spouting out endorphins, and other chemicals that makes the mind trick itself into feeling good.

It doesn’t feel real though, and is only short time pleasure. Afterwards you feel absolutely disgusting, thinking that this, this is how you find happiness? You don’t deserve anyone’s affection you don’t deserve any of their touches, you’re just hurting people.

One wrong move, and suddenly you’ve kissed someone wrong, suddenly someone accidentally knocks into you, and you knock out their fucking tooth. Or you hold their hand, get an accidental muscle spasm and you bend their arm to the point where it just breaks. You’re going to hurt them, by simply being near them, you’re causing other people pain, or you’re going to.

Reality rips itself apart, and the touches suddenly feel toxic. What had been welcomed just a second ago, has turned into this, obsession. The obsession of thoughts that are flooding over you, that you will cause harm, and you’ll see other people’s faces flashing by. Memories of other’s you have hurt. Memories of bones breaking, prodding out of flesh, blood spilling all over the floor.

And that’s all your fault, that’s what you’re going to cause, because that’s all you ever do. You hurt people, that’s kind of your thing isn’t it? Hurting other people. One wrong move, and you might kill them, every word you utter is so important suddenly, and you’re not able to speak, terrified of what might happen.

Your mind is flooding with thoughts, ideas, fixations of harm that you’re bound to cause to other people. Something as simple as just a kiss, a gentle hold, just the thought of holding hands, unbearable. Because you’re going to hurt them. Maybe not now, but all your actions matter, and the world is consuming you.

Feeling as though your throat is clenched up, words, thoughts, feelings, they’re going too fucking fast, and you’re left there, standing next to someone that’s visibly worried about you, and what you’re doing. They don’t understand, they don’t understand because you can not tell them. They won’t know unless you tell them, they don’t know what you’re doing. They only know that suddenly, you stopped.

 

Leaving their hold, and running away. They only know what you show, and you’re running away from them, as if they did something. You’re hurting people, making them angry, making them sad, you’re not trying to, but even then you’re hurting people.

Why the hell do you think you deserve anything? Why the hell do you think you deserve anything good? You don’t deserve anything, you deserve the pain you caused them. The pain you caused others! You’ve hurt people, hell, you hurt people all the goddamn time, why do you think it’ll help to isolate yourself, you fucking moron?!

People go through worse, people hurt more than you, and here you are. Trying to act high and fucking mighty by running off, by leaving everyone, by shutting yourself down, pushing people away. Do you not think they deserve a fucking explanation?! Do you think that they don’t feel hurt suddenly, just because you are the one who’s upset?

Learn to fucking care about other people, learn to care, learn to show affection!

It’s so hard, inside your own mind, because it keeps feeding you these delusions that you’re hurting them somehow, but by running off and shutting them out, what the hell do you think you’re doing?! They’re left to ponder what the hell it is they did wrong, they’re left hurt, no matter what you fucking do.

But you can’t afford to care anymore, huh? Because even with these voices who’re at constant battle, that if you stay you’ll hurt them and if you leave you’ll also hurt them, you’re left in complete and utter turmoil. What the fuck will you do? Huh? What the fuck will you do when you get to that point again?! 

Because that’s life.

That’s life with other sentient beings.

Throughout life you’ll hurt people, sometimes intentionally, often not. That’s just how life is. 

Romance won’t fix that. Love won’t fix you. And even if you’ll distract yourself with love, affection, deep down, you’re still sick. You’re still mentally ill, and no matter, how hard you try to tell yourself, that it’ll be alright, will it really?

It won’t suddenly go away, just with a kiss, and a couple hugs. It won’t go away, even if you know that you love the other person. It takes a fight, it takes hard work, it takes dedication. Love, getting better, anything really, takes hard fucking work. If you don’t realize that, then you’ve already lost the fight. 

You’ve lost the war, because you stand there on the battlefield, of your own thoughts, unprepared. It’ll take time to realize that you’re not fighting alone, that there are people there, willing to stand up with you. If you can’t realize that, that you’re not alone.

 

Then there’ll be no point in fighting.

 

Even if you think so, you won’t be able to fight on your own. You’ll need someone, to support you, to cheer on you, to help you prepare for your own enemies. You might need to fight the battle itself, on your own, but you need to realize, you have people behind you, willing to help.

Because in the end, you are fighting the battle of your own mind alone. You are the one, who needs to change, who needs to realize that you can win. Other people are just there to support your fight, to support you, and you need to take that with you, to battle.

 

You’re not alone.

 

So stop trying to isolate yourself.

 

You deserve love too.

 

—————

 

Not sure how he got into this situation, he certainly didn’t mind it. For some reason, he certainly did not understand, he was relaxing over at your place, watching soccer. He’d never really watched soccer, and it was kind of… Stupid really. Made up rules, when the point was, get the ball in the opposing teams net. 

Seemed pretty pointless really, but he sure as hell wasn’t complaining. What, with you lying there in the crook of his arm. The warmth of your very being seeping into him. He’d finally gotten some guts it seems, and invited you over to his place. His den. 

After all, you were his soulmate, seemed like this next step was not too far fetched of an idea. But why the two of you were watching soccer, which didn’t seem to interest either of you beyond your gaze altering between the tv screen and your phone. He wasn’t even sure what teams were playing, and you weren’t either. Neither of you regularly watched the sport, yet that was what was currently playing.

 

But he wasn’t complaining, and that in itself was a point that seemed like he needed to make.

 

Feeling you sigh heavily, you cuddled up to him, even more, and laid your foot, on top of his femur. You were simply relaxing, and he was as well. 

Daring a single move, he put his phalanges on top of your head. Just, gently laying it there. If you made any movement, or sound, that it was inappropriate, he’d remove his touch in a flash. But you weren’t. Should he take this as an invitation or?

Oh, he dared. Ever so slightly, he managed to start putting some more weight on his touch, not pushing you down of course, but rather just laying his hand flat on top of your head. And you weren’t really doing anything, besides breathing, in the crook of his arm. 

Why was this so difficult? Could he… Could he actually play with your hair? Was that an alright and appropriate thing to do?

Slowly, he started scraping his phalanges against your scalp, and you still weren’t doing anything, besides breathing. He needed confirmation that this was okay. Was he really allowed to touch you like this?

Of course, with you being his soulmate, it should be, but he was still worried about this being inappropriate, or uncomfortable. He’d never really… ‘Played’ with someone’s hair, never getting close enough to anyone that had hair to actually figure out if that was an alright thing to do.

Soon enough, he received confirmation, as you’d leaned more into his touch. Taking this as a welcoming move, he started actually moving his phalanges a bit more, making sure your hair didn’t get tangled up between his joints. Taking a small amount of your hair, he lifted it, feeling the texture of your hair.

It might have been a really odd sight to any outsiders, him just gently lifting at your hair, poking and almost prodding at the texture, but he was oddly fascinated by it. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the texture itself, but the whole situation wasn’t quite that bad. Taking a chunk of your hair, he lifted it and watched it drop.

Fascinating.

Then you giggled, and shifted, smiling up at him. Just a lift of your brow, and he could already tell what you were actually saying. ‘Having fun?’. The answer to that particular question? Yes, he was kind of having fun.

Mushing your cheek into his ribs, you put an arm across his frame, now perfectly cuddled up to him. You were incredibly warm, soft, and the texture of your frame was feeling… All kinds of right just cuddled up to him. Your face was actually laying perfectly on top of where his soul was, making him feel real flustered. 

 

Was this really okay?

 

For some reason, he didn’t even want to ask you that question, so perfectly satisfied with this outcome, that he simply just enjoyed your presence and feeling against him. He could feel you breathing against him, every intake, and every breath exhaled. You were so, in better words, so alive.

That in itself was making him feel hot. His cheekbones must be glowing in some way or the other, because he could feel the almost delightful sting of their heat. Though, he didn’t want to move, in any way, shape, or form, he turned so incredibly warm. 

The warmth not only roaming his now blushing face, but also pooling up in his soul, and in his nether regions. This was going a bit too far, too fast. But he also didn’t want to shift away from you. Affection in any form was so rare. 

It was so painfully fucking rare, and the only person who ever touched him was his brother, and then it was just hugs, holding his hand, or giving his shoulder a pat. 

You were willingly touching him, you were willingly cuddling into him, and it was so insanely good, that he could cry. He knew he’d read somewhere that humans could get touch starved, but he hadn’t realized that he was affected by this ‘rule’. Every touch from you was like winning the fucking lottery.

A happy moment, like this was supposed to be, turned him to fucking tears. and he tried to do anything to not actually cry in front of you. But his body betrayed him, and there were tears welling up at his sockets. He couldn’t stop it even if he was screaming internally at himself that he shouldn’t be crying for receiving physical affection.

After all he’d done, he didn’t fucking deserve you, he didn’t deserve to find his soulmate, he didn’t deserve to hold you like this, and he certainly did not deserve to have you hold him so affectionately back.

Tears were softly streaming down his face, dripping down onto his collarbones and shoulder, as he tried to hide his face by looking off to the side and out the window. How could your presence, your touch bring him to tears. 

He didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve you. 

 

Yet…

 

Here you were, fitting so perfectly into him.

 

Heh… Guess you were literally made for him, huh? 

 

Staring out the window, he couldn’t even see properly outside the window, any buildings turning into blurs, lights and shadows becoming focused and unfocused. Then he hiccuped. He really hadn’t meant to, and his hand which had previously been leaning over the side of your couch, was quick to cover his own face.

So many people had died by his hands, by his very hands. Here you were, letting him play with your fucking hair. He hadn’t even judged their soul, he just killed, slashed, butchered humans, just like you, as fucking kettle.

Images of faces he no longer knew if were real or not flashed before his eyes. How could he get this very end, while the humans he’d killed had already met their fate. Why was he getting a fucking happy ending, and they had just turned into another fucking meal. He had ripped, and torn to shreds, someone with just as soft arms as you. 

The only difference between you, and them, was the fact that he’d met you aboveground.

Choking back yet another sob, he could no longer keep it in, hulking over, tears falling between his phalanges, dripping onto the side of your couch, and some even rolling down his radius and ulna. He didn’t deserve this fate, he deserved pain, he deserved horror.

Too consumed in his own self deprecation, he jumped as he felt something soft touch his skull. Slowly, gently, almost teasingly so, up and down his skull. The warmth of it didn’t make sense, the softness didn’t make sense. Usually something was scraping against him, clawing, but this was such an entirely different feeling.

Suddenly, he felt an arm, two arms, pulling him close. Into something warm, breathing. Tears were still streaming down his face, and he was being engulfed by this mesmerizing being, just holding him close as he continued sobbing. 

He couldn’t even hear the TV anymore, not like he’d paid attention either, couldn’t even hear the cars driving up and down the streets. A quietness like no other, only disrupted by his own sounds, and the moving of fabric. The warmth was holding him close, now gently petting his skull.

Shaking and feeling unwariness in his entire body, he tempted to look up, and he just saw you. Staring at him with worry across your face. Eyebrows scrunched together, a sad wrinkle, and teeth clenched down on top of your bottom lips, as you looked so sad. For who?

For him?

Even if your warmth was so addicting, so incredible, it still hurt. But he couldn’t cry anymore, he couldn’t shed anymore tears. He didn’t want to ruin yet another occasion with you, didn’t want to ruin yet another moment and memory with you. 

So, with clenched teeth, he took a deep set of breaths. Yet you still looked at him with such a worried and sad expression. How someone like you, could ever care for someone like him, was an almost inane scenario, that was apparently the factual truth.

It had to be the fact that you were soulmates, that somehow the universe had turned you into this… Rude to even think, but dumb version, that just ignored every bad part of him. Just by looking at him, it almost felt like everything would be alright. That everything he’d done wrong, would be righted by your caring touch. Like the rest of the world didn’t matter, because right now, he was here in your hold.

Chuckling darkly to himself, it felt so strange. How much power you apparently held, or at least the power he gave you. You couldn’t fix everything bad he’d done, but it sure as hell felt like it. Like with just your touch and a smile, you could fix his entire world.

Leaning into your bosom, he sighed deeply, inhaling a waft of your lovely scent. You just held him tighter at that, safe in your embrace. From all the hurt he’d experienced. This was a feeling unlike any other, a feeling he would have scoffed at earlier, claiming that it was unreal.

Because the universe had been too kind on him, the universe had actually rewarded him, after what he’d done. The unfairness and guilt was slowly going down the drain, trickling like water off of him. 

 

Yes, he was guilty of his crimes.

 

But he was still the one being held closely into your bosom. 

 

No one else. 

 

He wanted to cry again, but refrained from doing so, and shifted his position, so he could stare up at your perfectly sculpted face. How someone like him, had you as a soulmate, was just so unreal, but he was actually… Happy, for a change.

Here you were, now giving him a weary smile, still holding so much compassion and care in your eyes, as you stared down at him. Like an absolute fucking angel. You were slowly mending him, slowly making him feel whole. He’d been broken for so long, and just those gorgeous creases on your face, that made your smile shine in such a beautiful light, were mending together all those pieces.

 

After such a long time, he knew exactly what he felt.

 

The childish giddy feeling making him feel silly, as though he was a child once again. He had to say it, he just had to. Trying to form the words, they quelled deep in his soul, unable to come out. He needed to tell you, let you know somehow, how he felt for you. You were bound together for fucks sake, but it was just so hard to say those words, they died on his tongue.

Just three simple fucking words, but he was unable to say them. He so desperately wanted to, but he kept opening his jaw and closing it. Unable to actually get those words out there, because then it’d suddenly feel so very fucking real.

 

So he did the next best thing, any frustrated, impatient person would with these feelings in this scenario. 

 

Quickly shifting his position, you were underneath him, and you had a somewhat shocked look on your face. Pinning you beneath him felt so good, it felt so right. The universe was finally giving him something good, someone so pure and passionate, and no longer stopping himself with all those thoughts and worries, that pinned him down on the daily.

 

Leaning forward, he took just a second to study your reaction, your face, and then your lips. And he let himself fall into this deep pit of warmth, that he’d gone so long without. He hadn’t realized, he hadn’t only starved for food in the Underground, he’d starved for you. And he’d finally quench this… Thing, that he was feeling, so strongly for you.

 

He kissed you.

 

Your lips were gently touching his own mouth, it was an odd feeling for sure, human lips were just so insanely soft. Rather, your lips were insanely soft, and he finally realized how other humans were typing up a similarity between velvet and silk as they described their lovers soft, plump lips.

Steadying himself with one hand on the wall, he put his other hand behind your head, pulling you deeper into this kiss, filled with passion and the strange feeling he’d denied himself from feeling for far too long. 

When he felt your arms moving around his neck, and you moved your lips against him, he almost felt like he could die happily, then and there. He was about to cry again, but he instantly killed that idea, as you opened your mouth.

Opening his own, he felt your tongue against his, as you so fucking slowly moved it against his own. Tantalizing, teasing, and he loved every goddamn fucking second of it. He couldn’t even describe the taste of your fucking mouth, he was so lost in the fact that he was not only kissing you, like this, and it felt so incredible.

 

Forever.

 

That’s how long he wanted to stay like this.

The kiss lasted for so long, he wasn’t even sure how many minutes passed. 

It was filled with so much intent, so much of that feeling, that he felt as though his ribs were burning from the way his soul so happily thrummed against them. Burning with passion, hope and dreams. Everything that a monster was built upon.

 

Then suddenly your leg was around his hip and he almost stopped kissing you, which he abruptly had to, when you used all your might to flip him over to his side.

It happened so suddenly, so smoothly. One second he was pinning you down and the next one you laid a top of him, feeling you breathe against his own ribs. You’d cut off the kiss and you were just looking at him, nearly panting. In fact, you were panting, he could feel your ragged breaths against himself.

Your souls were so close to each other, the two souls were almost kissing in their so short distance between each other. The bond of two soulmates would be showing if he pulled out your souls, and he so desperately wanted to, but he felt like he needed to save that. Save it for a special occasion.

When he had been completely healed by your presence. When the pieces of his damn near shattered soul, had been gently glued together, like a shattered vase being put together by gentle hands. By your gentle hands.

For now, he just enjoyed the feeling of you resting on top of him. 

But it was a short cut feeling, as you rose from laying on top of him, to sitting on top of his pelvis, where already a lot of magic had been pooling.

Smiling down at him, in this odd almost mischievous way, you were just sitting there, as though it was a makeshift throne of yours. In a way… It was. You were his queen. His empress, his goddess.

Admiring you from this angle, from any angle, was so fucking easy.

 

You were his everything.

 

You were his.

 

Sitting there, you leaned forward, your own sex pressing into his pelvis, as you placed a simple little peck on his collarbone. Slowly moving back up, so tenderly rubbing against him, as you sat back up again, to just look at him.

He knew it was a way too far fetched idea, but maybe you were admiring him as well. Like he was you? Nah, probably not, you were probably asking yourself, what choices did I make along the way to fuck up ‘this’ badly?

Yet again, his strain of thought was short lived, as you unzipped his hood. 

 

What the-?!

 

There was still no indication of you regretting every life choice you’d ever made, because now you were tugging at the hem of his shirt, to which he cut you off entirely, holding your arm from continuing it’s journey. You’d leave. You’d run. You’d just gotten used to his face, that was already cracked up so badly, and now you had dared the thought of trying to attempt to see his spine and ribs?

They were chipped, badly damaged, hell, he was missing a part of his lower rib, cracked off in a particularly difficult battle with a human. He was hideous, and you’d leave him. You’d see how ugly he was, and you’d leave. He couldn’t bare it.

Instead, you tilted your head, questioningly at him, before pulling your arm towards you, and then gently guiding his hands to your stomach. Was this- was this really fucking happening?! Staring wide eyed at you, you nodded at him, allowing him to do such a thing.

Opening his jaw, he shut it, with a loud sound of teeth clacking together. He wasn’t going to look the gift horse in the mouth, or however that fucking saying went, he didn’t fucking care. Putting his phalanges beneath your shirt, he could feel the softness of your stomach. His own cold phalanges against your flesh, making you gently hiss against the temperature change.

Whispering an apology, he dug his hands into your flesh, which made you grind against him, just the one time. But… He was a greedy fucking bitch, and he wanted more. Moving his hands from your stomach to your sides, he teasingly dragged the tips of his phalanges up and town your sides, eliciting a shiver on your side, and a couple strange twitches.

Ticklish. Figures. How could you, his soulmate, be so sweet?

Taking a hint, he moved his arms from your sides, to your ass, and he dug into the plump flesh, which had quite the result on his end. A pant and a couple heavenly grinds against his fucking pelvis. Giving himself a mental clap on his shoulder, he kept massaging his phalanges into your ass. 

Feeling your grinds against him, he started returning the favor, and fuck he wanted to moan like a bitch in heat, which he probably was at this fucking point. But he kept on panting, breathing heavily, and huffing a bit, as he basically fucking humped against you. An itch was scratched, and it felt too good.

 

Stars above.

 

When he hear your voice what must’ve been the smallest moan he’s ever heard, something raw and downright primal inside of him came out. Showing you into his chest, you let out a strangled yelp, and in an instant he’d swiftly turned you so you were beneath him. 

That little innocent fucking sound you’d previously made, who’d never ever be heard by anyone but him, drove him to madness. You were his. His soulmate. His fucking mate. All of you, from your delicate curves, to your soft hair, the gorgeous crinkles your eyes made whenever you smiled, to your terrible puns that matched his own. 

 

You were made for him.

 

Kissing you, he grinds against you, clutching to you in almost a painful way. But if you had any complaints, you were certainly not voicing them, groaning in the most wonderful way into his kiss. You were his, always, and forever. And everyone needed to know. It was a fact, that would never change, and the world needed to know.

Ripping the top of your shirt, your shoulder was exposed, and it was the most skin you’d ever shown him, almost taboo in a way. But he didn’t particularly care for anything that was considered by ‘taboo’ by the outside world at this very moment, no, to hell with everyone else. 

Taking a very short break to just look at you, you were both panting, your cheeks flushed. God, you were so beautiful, he wanted to cry just thinking about his luck of finding you. His fucking soulmate, his perfect match.

Giving him a huge teethy grin, you tilted your neck a bit, studying him, and he took it as the invitation it was, as he gave your shoulder the gentlest, ghost of a kiss. Your smell was intoxicating making his sanity slip. Opening his jaw, he summoned whatever magic he could and bit your shoulder.

Your breath hitched, and as he broke skin, his magic seeped into you, providing a gorgeous mark on your body, that you’d wear forever. 

 

It was a promise.

A promise to always be faithful, always loyal, never leave you or your side. 

He’d fight for you, he’d kill for you, he’d keep you safe, he’d wipe your tears, share laughs and fortune, build a family with you, and he’d stay by your side until you were gone.

 

Unhooking himself from your shoulder, he watched as small droplets of iron trickled down your gorgeous skin, staining your shirt and the couches cushion. The blood was none of his concern as he stared at your happy flushed face, droplets of tears and a light sweat on your nose. You were happy, so happy. 

He hoped you knew, he begged for you to understand. 

With every fibre inside him, every speck of dust, and the magic keeping it all together, all of him, his entire being had that feeling, and it made him almost shake with excitement for the future. 

 

You were his.

Always.

Forever.

And now everyone would know.

Even the universe itself.

 

Giving you a genuine smile, he summoned his tongue and licked away at the droplets of blood, before kissing your tears. Every step of the road, he’d be there, hand in hand with you. Giving your cheek another kiss, it was time for the real fun to begin. 

Your shirt was already ruined, might as well ruin it just a tad bit more. Ripping the material away from your body, he was sure his grin looked a bit crazed, but he didn’t care. God, he could care less about how he looked, all that mattered was you. His entire world was just… You. 

The familiarity of the bra was unnoticed to him, as he dipped his hands beneath the cups, and grabbed at them, tweaking your nipples just a bit. Desperately kissing your neck, sucking, nibbling, leaving marks that would be gone in a couple days, one hand kept massaging and playing with your nipple, as the other moved down towards your pants.

Rushing, you were suddenly on it, unbuttoning your pants and kicking them off, barely missing kicking him. Didn’t matter if you kicked him off accidentally, he’d get back up again in an instant. You’d just laugh nervously, ask him if he’s fine, before you’d both continue. But your pants were finally off, just thin lace hiding away your sex.

He was just seconds away from ripping it off, but a tap on his arm, had him somewhat distracted. You stared at him, giving him an up and down look, before staring at him. Right. Even if he hated being so bare, it was… Only fair. 

Tossing off his hoodie, he looked at you. Shaking your head, he knew that more material would have to go for you to be satisfied. He’d do anything for you, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t be hard. Slowly he removed his shirt, slightly embarrassed. He didn’t want to meet your gaze, he knew his ribs looked… Bad.

But he still dared one peek and you were still smiling at him. Not as though you’d expected the rest of him to look as terrible as his skull did, but more of a… Yeah, that feeling. You looked at him adoringly, probably a look that he’d matched several times throughout the evening.

Taking a couple deep breaths, he found it very hard to not want to cover himself up. But… He knows it wouldn’t be fair. If you didn’t care about him, the mark wouldn’t glow the way it was when he touched your skin. You would never have done half the shit you had, if you didn’t. You would probably not even let him touch you like this. 

His insecurities were there, and it’d take time to work on them, but right now, all he cared about was this strong feeling he had for you, and it managed to overpower any doubts he had about himself.

Opening your arms, you welcomed him into a hug. Which he gladly accepted. 

 

Stars. 

 

Your skin felt so pleasant against his bare bones. Even if it was just a hug, you were both incredibly warm, and you were so fucking soft to boot. Lying on top of you, not really using his full weight to mush you into the couch, he felt you start playing with his spine. 

Fingers delicately moving over the more sensitive parts, touching his hip bones with a featherlight touch. He wasn’t really ticklish, but it still was almost gentle enough to make him laugh. You were being far to sweet and delicate with him, as though he’d break from anything harsher than you were already doing. 

He was far more durable than you probably thought.

Pushing himself up he looked down at you. If he could remember one specific thing, he would love to remember this scene of you, splayed out beneath him, coagulated blood on your shoulder from his mark, which softly glowed. 

The way you were looking at him, as if he’d been your lover for years, the yellow glow from the lamp on your skin. His soul tightened a bit at the sight. To think. That you were actually his. 

 

He couldn’t be happier for this blissful fate of his.

It needed to be said.

He could finally form the words.

 

«I love you.»

 

You smiled at him and as you opened your mouth, he expected you to say it back, to just confirm it verbally, even though he already knew your answer.

 

«You know this isn’t real right.»

 

His smile dropped. Wh-

 

«You’re sleeping. This is a dream.»

«Heh- don’t joke with me now… You know how my psyche can play games on me.»

«Sans. This is a dream. You need to wake up now.»

«N-no. No, NO! This is real. Stop joking around, it’s not funny!»

«Hey. Sans.»

 

He looked at your, seeing your face starting to blur in and out of focus. No, no, this had to be real! It felt so goddamn fucking real! It can’t be a fucking dream! W-which psychopath had decided that this was just a goddamn dream. Breathing was becoming so fucking heavy, and everything felt like it was burning around him, it was so goddamn hot, and his world was crashing down on him, he was panick-

 

A gentle touch to his cheekbone, and he looked at you. Face blurring in and out of focus.

 

«Tell her Sans. Just… Tell her how you feel. Show her. She loves you, doesn’t she? Because I know you love her. Show her what you showed me, you can do it. Just tell her Sans, how you feel, how you see her. You can do it, I believe in you Sans. Promise me, that you’ll tell her»

«P-please don’t go-»

«Promise me.»

«I… I-uh… I promise.»

 

As you turned into dust beneath his hands, you gave one last smile, and then you were gone.

And then the world faded to black.

 

—————

 

Even if you wanted to believe that it was any other regular day, you knew for a fact that most of your days were very different. Everything is changing, shifting around you. Nothing will stay the same forever, that’s a fact. People might say, «1+1=2», but what if all of humanity died. Okay, that was a terrible example, but the point being, things will always differ and not everything is set in stone.

At least that’s what you thought, and truly hoped for. That things would one day change for the better, but so far it took so much energy and motivation that you just did not have. Another sleepless night, and your appointment with your doctor was coming up. You’d have to go through them first before anything else could be decided.

Bee had been right all along, you did need to talk to someone professional. You couldn’t deny yourself help anymore, you knew if you’d been another person, you’d have tried to help them get help. You needed to be just a tad bit more selfish, in a good way of course.

Take some time for yourself and just focus on getting better. At least, that’s what you think will help you out a lot. 

But as of right now you needed to focus on the task that was getting to your job.

Walking outside, the cold morning air made it’s presence known yet again, and you hugged your coat around you, just to try and keep your warmth a bit more. Folding your arms, your tote bag decided, it’s had it, and for the fourth time, slipped off your shoulder. 

There had to be a more effective way to get to work. God, you wish you could teleport or something. Sure, you did have your drivers license, but, what was the point of having a car when you could take the bus, the tram, a train, the metro, or walk the distance you’d need to travel? It would only cost you money you didn’t have, and would never be used.

Sighing, you kept walking briskly, your pace never slowing. You had the morning shift, which meant you had to be at work at precisely 09.15 or your manager would get pissy. You needed those 45 minutes to prepare apparently. You spent 15 minutes cleaning, and then you’d finished perfecting the salon. 

Seeing more and more people pass by, you were getting close. A gust of wind blew by and your hair decided to up and fly into your eyes. Letting out a quiet curse, you grabbed your trust wristband and tied up your hair. You could spend the remaining 30 minutes after cleaning, fixing your hair all proper.

You were allowed to do that. Needed to look all prim and proper for the customers so they didn’t start questioning your skills to perform. Standing in front of the shop, you found the key box to the side, and grabbed them, opening the door, entering the code for the alarm, and then closing the door behind you and promptly locking it. 

If not people would get the wrong idea and just waltz inside.

Turning on all the lights, you yawned, as the lights flickered on. Stretching a bit, you headed towards the back, letting your coat fall off your shoulders. Opening the door, you turned on the light in the backroom, and tossed off your coat. Accidentally dropping it to the ground, alongside your tote bag. Which contained your phone.

Shit.

Grabbing the hem, you hoisted it back up and looked at your phone, looking for any cracks in the screen. 

 

There was a God!

 

And they hated your fucking face in particular apparently. Your screen had gotten a major crack. 

Making the nastiest grimace you could at the sight, you couldn’t help but feel like your day could only get worse. Not the most optimistic way of looking at your day, when it had just begun, but some days it was just so goddamn hard to stay positive. Especially when you’d gotten shit sleep. If you could even called slipping in and out of consciousness for a couple hours sleep.

 

Yesterday had been. 

 

A day.

 

You’d met with your first monster client, the queen of monsters, and although you had expected her to be demanding, prissy, or a more intense version of bridezilla, it had been the complete opposite.

She hadn’t been nice, but it was like she’d never ever worn make-up before, and you had to redo her look so many times over, because she kept rubbing at it. ‘It’s itchy’ and ‘are you trying to kill me human?!’ were lines that were repeated so many times, you had summed her up to be someone that had never worn makeup before. 

What you had expected…? You’re not sure, you shouldn’t really have expected anything. But it was the first time you’d actually thought of the word ‘you human’ as an actual insult. You’d had to act as though you were a mom putting makeup on her grumpy toddler for a beauty pageant. In the end, you distracted her by handing her a piece of candy.

When she’d looked at you as if you’d spit in her face, you told it was ‘company policy’ and that you got it for free with every make-up look, a blatant lie, she’d finally agreed. Was it something you didn’t get about their culture? You might have to ask Sans.

 

And fuck, Sans. You hadn’t even called him yet, and you usually called him around now. But you needed to clean the floors and count the till. Pocketing your phone, you filled a bucket with hot water and some soap, and sighed heavily. Today was shit. Nothing could fix that.

But you ground your teeth together and got to work, cleaning the floors. Wrenching the mop, you sighed heavily as you started washing the fucking floor. Nothing like washing the floors when you’re extremely tired and just wanna bang your head against a wall until you feel better!

Quickly moving over the floors, the floor was looking pretty good beforehand, and no one would really notice if you… Y’know… Didn’t wash the floor. Yet you continued, washing every nook and cranny.

Suddenly your vision went really blurry, and you stopped, mop stilled. 

Wait-

Shit.

You were going to cry again weren’t you?

Taking a couple deep breaths, you forced yourself to continue, washing the tiled floor, trying to get rid of all the stains that really didn’t exist. You just needed to get it done, and then fix your hair and makeup. There was no reason for you to start crying. Just… Clean the floor, count the till, then you can put out the sign and call Sans.

There was a minor stain on the floor, and you used your full body strength to wipe it clean. 

 

But…

The stain wouldn’t go away.

Hearing the mop creak you continued.

It had to go away!

Just…

Fucking go away!

 

Scrunching your face up in a grimace, you let out a loud groan mixed with a scream of exhaustion. This day could fuck right off, it could go to fucking hell! Everything was wrong today, everything was bad!

Your face was stinging, cheeks so hot, an almost piercing pressure in your forehead. Hot, almost searing tears were finally dripping down your face. Your lip quivered, the sides of your throat clenching up, as a deep feeling of sorrow and melancholia clawed at your sternum.

Drying to hurriedly dry your tears with the back of your hand, you couldn’t stop the stream. It was like when you were drunk and you first started crying. You just… Couldn’t stop the river of tears.

Shoulders shaking, you were loudly hulking. Sobbing. 

Giving up on today was not an option, you had to finish your shift, you had stuff to do. You couldn’t just go home and cry, and you didn’t have your packet of cigs either. Why couldn’t the universe just give you… One day off? Was that really too much to ask?!

Clenching your hand into your stomach, you focused on taking deep breaths. One day. You just wanted one fucking day were everything was feeling alright. 

Giving up on the stain, you dried your snot, and even if you felt like trashing all the shelves in rage, ripping the products off and tossing them hard on the ground until it broke, you didn’t. Finishing the floor, you took the mop and bucket back to the backroom, and went over to mindlessly count the till.

A distraction. That’s what you needed. 

Counting the cash, you wrote down notes, coins, feeling the paper bills in your hands, cold metal coins in your hands. Summarizing everything on your phone’s calculator, you just… Managed to get it done, even if you had to start over twice, because your tears were blocking your vision and dripping onto your phone. 

Finishing up, there were a couple coins too much. Quickly opening messenger, you typed up a message to your manager, informing her of the amount and that you’d finished your opening routine. She was probably still sleeping, the lucky bastard.

But you… Cared a lot about her, she was kind, she always looked out for you. Even if you’d get frustrated with the amount of work that always seemed to fall on your shoulders, you were grateful that she was nice to you still.

Next, was really to fix your make-up and hair, but you needed comfort.

And… 

You called him.

It took some time, you were used to it at this point.

 

«… Hh-good morning…»

«Good morning Sans. Did I wake you?»

 

After some time, you’d learnt that your morning calls apparently was his wake up calls.

 

«Yeah… I-I… I had a… Nah, uh… How are you?»

«I’m good-»

 

No, you weren’t. It was an automatic response, and one you tried to un-teach yourself. It was important to say when you were feeling bad. This was why you called him right? To ask for comfort, to ask for care, to ask for some loving?

 

«Im… I-heh… Sans… I’m actually not feeling too good right now, to be perfectly honest.»

«… Did someone hurt you?»

«Oh-uh… No, mostly… Myself? I kind of, just… I don’t know. I-it’s… Difficult to talk about.»

«Take your time.»

 

A deep shaky breath. You felt like you were standing at the edge of a cliff, staring down. Lean too much forward, and you’d fall, but you need to see, you needed to see the ground, stare at it, analyze it.

 

«Well-heh. I just started crying washing the floor, I don’t know why.»

«…Want me to kick the floors ass?»

«…Floors don’t have asses… Heheh, imagine…»

 

Floors with an ass… Okay, that was not really funny, but it still made you chuckle.

 

«Hey, for all I know you could be washing a human named Floor, you humans have weird names.»

«Really.»

«What?»«Your name is a font.»

«Uh huh, what about it?»

 

Covering your face with your hand, you let out a very breathy laugh. This felt… Lighthearted. Even if he’d just woken up, and you’d just been crying, he still managed to make you smile and laugh.

 

«I like your name though.»

«… I like y… N-nah… I… Heh, anyways, busy day today?»

«Got three appointments, so I’m behind the counter and opening for a while today. Luckily only make-up today. Which reminds me, I need to fix my own makeup.»

«You don’t need it.»

«Sans. I look dead without it.»

«… You know you’re speaking to a skeleton right?»

 

…Right.

 

«Even so, I like wearing makeup. Makes me feel pretty.»

«You’re always pretty.»

«… Pretty annoying. Nah, just kidding. But it makes me feel that way. Makes me feel like I’m…»

 

Were you really going to go there?

 

«Makes me… Feel like I’m seen.»

«Seen?»

«Yeah, makes me feel like people will see me. Because… I… Subject change?»

 

Because the reality of it, was that you felt… Well, you didn’t hate your appearance, you’d gotten over that phase. But you didn’t truly love your appearance either. You were just, you. Make up made you feel good, made you feel good, made you feel like other people would actually notice you.

People… Didn’t forget about you, but you felt like… You weren’t sure, maybe that was a thought for another day.

 

«You sure?»

«Yeah… I’m better now. You always manage to make me happy Sans. Thank you.»

«I… I really… L-like… Yo… Yoghurt.»

«Oh? Want to grab frozen yoghurts?»

«…Yes.»

«It’s a date then. Wait, weren’t we supposed to go on a second date? Seems like we’ve both been busy.»

«… Yeah… Busy.»

«I’m off tomorrow, you busy then?»

«I’ll never be too busy for you.»

 

Oh… He was… Really sweet. Nibbling a bit on your lip, you felt a certain unease. He was definitely holding something back, and you had an inkling of what it might be. If that was the case…

 

«It is important that you get to work though. If you have work tomorrow, we can hang out afterwards? I can always go to the exhibit on my own.»

«N-no!»

 

At the sudden loud yell you almost dropped your phone, again.

 

«Uh… Okay, we’ll go together then. Tomorrow. 12 pm sound good?»

«Y-yes.»

 

Putting him on speaker, you went out of the call, and typed it into your calendar.

 

«Want me to message you and call you tomorrow to remind you?»

«Yea- wait… I’ve actually never thought about this before, but, how’d you know I had memory problems?»

 

He had… Memory issues? Memory loss?

 

«You do?»

«Isn’t that why you always call me or text me before we do something?»

«Oh. No, I’ve… Heh- I’ve just gotten used to calling or messaging clients before their appointments, it’s a muscle memory type of thing. Do you… Maybe wanna talk about your memory issues?»

«… Raincheck.»

«I see.»

 

Heading over towards the mirror, you took a look at yourself, cringed, and found a makeup wipe. 

 

«Did you sleep well?»

«Yeah, I… I don’t know if this sounds weird but… I had a dream about you?»

«Hm? Good I hope?»

«Yeah… First good dream I’ve had in years.»

«Trouble sleeping too?»

«Of course.»

«Yet you’re still not going to take me up on my offer to cuddle and nap…»

 

Bee had been your cuddle partner instead, but poor Bee was getting shit sleep too, because you’d wake her in the middle of the night to either go cry, smoke, or just remaining awake.

 

«I… How about I tell you when we finally meet up again tomorrow?»

«Sure thing!»

 

Didn’t you have a question to ask him? You’re fairly certain you did?

 

«I actually have a question for you, if that’s alright by you.»

«Shoot.»

«So I gave the queen a candy yesterday and-»

«You did what?!»

«… Gave her a piece of candy?»

«To the fucking prissy bitch?! What the- I thought you liked me?! Why the fuck would you give her-»

«Sans! It’s just… A piece of candy. I said it was ‘company policy’, she was acting as though she’s never worn makeup, and I had to do something to distract her! What is up with accepting food?! That was my question by the way, why is it that monsters don’t accept it when I try to give them food? Like… At the library, when I tried to give you food and infused water, and you just downright refused. What is up with that?»

 

On the other end it was silent.

You waited. 

And you waited.

And you checked to see if he’d hung up.

 

«Sans?»

«It’s… Part of… Monster courting.»

«Huh? Really?»

«Yeah… It turned into… This kind of thing where you’d give food to a person you loved.»

«Oh. OH! That was why you didn’t accept my attempts to feed you at first! Then-»

 

… Then.

 

Blinking, you tried to put two and two together. He’d… Accepted your food.

He’d- OH!

He’d actually attempted to say that he likes you, not fucking yoghurts. Even if you did love the stuff, you were… Unsure. Not about the fact that he liked you or that you loved yoghurt, that was pretty obvious, but rather how you felt about him.

 

«Then… Oh, look at the time! I-uh… Have to go. Gotta fix my hair and makeup, bye Sans!»

«Oh-uh, bye?»

 

Hanging up you put your phone down on top of the counter and looked at yourself in the mirror.

 

Your eyes were slightly puffy, and even if you’d been wiping your face absentmindedly while talking to Sans, you could still see the tear streaks and now very clumpy mascara. God, crying didn’t do you any favors. Wiping a bit more around your eyes, you tried to not rip off every single eyelash you had, as you tried to remove it. 

 

How did you feel about Sans?

 

Sure, he was interesting.

He also made you smile.

He made you laugh.

He made you feel happy.

 

It was… Almost kind of strange how you’d always feel a bit better after talking to him, he was… Well at the beginning, not so nice, but he’d turned around, and he was very comfortable and pleasant to be around. So he liked you. 

 

Huh.

 

Strange.

 

That made you feel… A bit shaky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OhHOHOHOHOOHOHOH????? Im a tease, I know…
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you like this new chapter, and as always I'm 100% available on Tumblr (Nopersdopers) and Twitter (Nonfigurativt), but the age limit to follow me on my Twitter is min 18 years. Please have your birthdate or age in description if you try to follow. Love y'all <3
> 
>  
> 
> (Also… I've been… Having a really rough time. I'm finally getting professional help, but a lot of my motivation and energy is just gone. It really varies, so I struggle to write or get stuff out on a set schedule. For all the lovely comments and support, I just wanna say… Thank you so much. I read all the comments, keep them in a folder, and look at them when I have an episode. Makes me feel… So much better. Thank you. Love y'all.)


	8. Second Date

As the sun was high in the sky, the yellow light casting shadows on the scenery, reflecting on the glassed windows, and the screeches of trams and traffic passing by, one would so easily be hidden away in the busy city life. The people living their own life, passing faces, minding their own business, doing strange things that no one aside from people in their inner circles knowing what they’re up to.

Either the city life can be a relief. A place of freedom, changes, chances, a fresh start where no one will know who you are! No obligations to having to be someone you’re not because you’re just another face in the crowd.

Or it can be a curse. Solitude, loneliness, an isolation from the outside world, even if you were out and about. The city can be so kind on you, or it can be the cruelest punishment that you’ll ever receive. People everywhere, scattered around you like vermin, as they get too fucking close for comfort.

In Sans’ case however, he was avoided like the fucking plague. 

He was way too early, and he knew that, hell, he’d known that walking out the door. Hadn’t even bothered thinking about shortcutting on over to the place you’d sent him the address to. Too preoccupied with thinking thoughts about you, in all sorts of scenarios. His fantasies were just playing with him, had been throughout the entirety of the night, as he had been a mix between a shivering anxious mess, and almost high on excitement.

The thought of being able to see you so soon, especially considering the scenario, was making him feel all sorts of emotions, a soup if you will. Start off with some tears, be it happy or sad, preferably something homemade, put it in a big pot, that would be your mind. Heat that shit up with a burning passion, and when it starts to boil, add whatever thoughts you’d like and watch as the soup turns into something called your own mind.

Not even the fact that humans were again avoiding him in the streets annoyed him at this point, too lost in his own mind. Right now, it was actually not so bad that the humans avoided him, considering that meant he wouldn’t be bumping into someone, scare them half to death, and then get even more bad thoughts.

Every five minutes his brother was sending him encouraging messages, telling him sweet things like ‘it’ll be alright’, ‘you’re great!’, and ‘you matter to me, her, and the world around you’. Finding himself smiling at his phone the background was just a blur, as he headed on over, closer and closer, to his final destination.

Unbeknownst to him, the people around him were fleeing to the other side of the street. Didn’t matter what type of human they were, young or old, they saw a literal horror figure slowly making it’s way forward, smiling as it showed of it’s huge sharp fangs. The head-wound probably came from a person that tried to kill it, and that huge red dot of an eye, could probably melt your face right off if you stared to long at it.Passerby's were struggling to keep themselves from not stepping on each others heels, as the other side of the road became crowded with people trying to avoid the horrendous creature. People were chatting with each other, what might happen if the bear was poked. ‘That thing’ll use it’s phalanges to rip your face clean off, and use the skin for paper’, ‘No-no, that mistake of nature will bite of chunks of your body, like a shark!’, ‘Are you all idiots?! That thing doesn’t eat people- he just kills them for fun and fucks their dead bodies!’.

All of these conversations, about how Sans would hurt the people around him, was not something he’d never heard before. Too caught up in his ‘soup’, he was finally just a minute away as he turned a corner, and entered an even less crowded street. He knew that this street was busy when night hit, but during the day, only a few people, outside of the office workers that worked nearby, would be passing.

Had it not been for the trams passing by, the street would’ve been so quiet, it would’ve almost been an oasis in this big city of claustrophobic buildings, and noise that could keep you up at night. Turning left, like the direction on his phone said he should, he came to an even more secluded spot. 

The pavement turned into cobblestone, as he slowly stepped forward. Three large trees, with shrubs covering the roots were placed in the middle, some leafs and flower petals on the ground. Large, beige victorian styled buildings were on each side, and a fountain was placed in the inner circle of the street. 

It felt like he was entering someones yard, a bit out of place. Even with the occasional trams passing by, the noise had turned into more of a hushed whisper, a mumble. The only noise that could be heard coherently was the trickling of water from the rounded fountain.

From behind, the copper statue, turned grey from the years of service, was a nude woman, and as he walked around it he saw the woman carrying a small infant. A tranquility of sorts set over him, seeing a happy mother cradling the child to her chest. Uncaring of the world around her, it was almost as though he could feel the love she held for her child, the peace he gained, strange.

His gaze was stuck to her, each curve so perfectly sculpted, her hair, braided into a bun. Monsters took the time to feel the intent, just as emotional as any human, but more so affected physically, considering they wore their ‘soul’ on their sleeve. 

If a human had the wrong intent, the intent to kill, it could be lethal to a monster. 

Yet, his transfixion with this particular spot continued, as he sat down, not minding the humans who hurriedly passed by. He closed his eye sockets, just listening to the calming trickling water it provided. He barely heard hushed whispers of passing humans, some rushed hisses of ‘oh my god, is that thing alive?!’, and some ‘don’t look at it, honey! It’ll just give you nightmares’. Yeah, just another ordinary day out in public.

Taking some deep breaths, he still couldn’t help but feel some shivers in his body, like he usually felt when he was this exposed. But he needed to be here, for you. So that’s the reason why, even if he almost felt sick from being out like this, so vulnerable, he needed to wait for you.

Focusing his thoughts on the scenery provided, it all felt so gentle. It wouldn’t surprise him if he suddenly started hearing the softest tunes from a piano, lulling in the background. How had he never been here before? How had you found this spot? Why had you found this spot? When did you find this place?

Would you sit on the benches next to the blooming flowers, or would you sit in the exact same spot as him, hearing the same noises from the fountains?

Maybe you’d be sitting there, book in hand, reading, your face an utter state of peace, as your eyes were stuck to the inked words. Or perhaps, you’d be writing, like you always did at the library, enjoying a cooling drink, lost in the action of typing up words. 

Whatever might have been the reason for you being here, you’d still look utterly gorgeous as you entered that calm state, the smallest twinge of a smile on your lips as you continued relaxing. Basking in the glory of the sun, or perhaps feeling a light drizzle of rain on your skin, as drops dripped down your face. Or, if the weather was cool, you’d heat up with the warmth a drink in a paper cup provided.

Imagining these things was dangerous, in a way. Not because he became so lost in his own thoughts, but because his hormones might create and turn you into a person you’re not. But he couldn’t help seeing you everywhere, you were just constantly on his mind.

Because he’d fallen in love with you, and he’d fallen so fast, hard, that he felt completely breathless. 

Checking his phone, he was about 20 minutes early, so all he could do now was feel the warmth from the sun on his bones, and wait. Trying not to stumble and fall over his own thoughts, constantly reminding himself that even if he was so utterly and completely in love with you, not to turn you into someone you weren’t in his imagination.

Helpless as he was to losing himself in his own thoughts, he was still able to see a figure closing in. Someone too familiar to not recognize.

His soul was already beating against his chest, the dumbest love stricken smile stuck to his face, as he saw you approaching. You were early too, a cup of something that created steam in hand, as your gaze was stuck to your phone. You must know this place well enough to be able to walk without the guidance.

Watching you take a small sip, he didn’t fail to notice how you quickly tipped the cup back up straight, face scrunching up just the tiniest bit. You’d burnt your tongue, impatient for your drink to turn cold enough. When you opened your eyes again, you took some deep breaths, probably attempting to cool down your burnt tongue.

Which is when you finally took notice of him, and got a surprised look on your face, but smiling nonetheless. As you pocketed your phone in your purse, you tipped your cup a bit, just enough for a drop of the drink to trickle down your hand. 

The ‘second puberty’ and the rapidly approaching heat had turned his sight into a hyper fixation, where he’d notice everything, see more clearly than he ever had before, making note of sudden details he’d never seen before.

 

«Hey, how are you? You’re here early.»

 

Who was she to claim he was early, he’d only beaten her by a couple minutes. Rising from his seat, he opened his arms, initiating a hug.

 

«‘m good, you’re early too y’know.»

 

As he hugged her, he snuck a kiss to her cheek, feeling the softness of her warm cheeks. She smelled of coffee, and roses. But unfortunately, cigarettes too.

Letting her go, he looked at her, and even with all the make-up in the world, he could still see how tired she appeared. Another sleepless night? Maybe he really should take her up on the offer of cuddling her, he could probably stay awake and just watch over her as she rested. That could work!

 

«Yeah… I’m always a bit early, force of habit really. I didn’t really know when you’d show up, so I’m sorry for not bringing you a cup of something.»

«It’s fine. You look very pretty today… Not that you don’t always do- just… You look very pretty all the time?»

«Heh, thank you Sans. You look pretty good today too- Wait… Is that a crack in your skull?!»

 

Indeed it was… He’d almost forgotten about it.

 

«Uh… Yeah, I kind of… Bumped my head?»

«Shit, you need to be more careful! Does it hurt?»

«Not so much anymore, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.»

«But I am worried. Do you need to go to a doctor or something? I have some-»

«No-no… It’s fine. Completely fine.»

 

You gave him a sort of displeased look, before sighing and smiling at him.

 

«Well… The exhibit isn’t opening until 12:15, so… We got about 35 minutes of nothing, with about… Roughly, a ten minute walk? Anyways, you excited for the exhibition?»

«Uhm… Sure?»

«I know some people don’t really like… Going to art museums and the like, rather, have an interest in it, but this’ll be super cool. I didn’t get any more information on the exhibits than I’ve already received, so it’ll be a pretty cool surprise to see whether it holds up y’know?»

 

As you took a seat next to him by the fountain, you placed your bag on the ground. He wasn’t certain why you did that, it looked kind of expensive, but who was he to judge, the cobblestone looked clean enough. Taking another quick sip of your coffee, your face twitched. Still too hot, yet you’d seemed to have just forgotten about it, which was cute. Where you that caught up in the conversation?

 

«I mean, I don’t really have a big interest in art, but I still want to see it with you. My interests might be a tad bit different, but it’s more so the fact that I want to spend time with you, y’know?»

 

That seemed to quiet you down, as you flicked off the plastic lid of the cup, letting some of the steam air out.

 

«Yeah… If you don’t like it though, we don’t need to stay too long? Just gotta take some notes on it, and then we’ll be out as soon as possible. It did state, as a warning, that it would be kind of gore-y, and I wouldn’t want you to get uncomfortable or anything.»

«Nah, it’s okay. I don’t mind it at all, but… I have a question for you.»

«Oh?»

 

As he looked at her, she held a surprised look, and for but a second, the smile on her face looked kind of odd. 

 

«Did you get enough sleep?»

 

That made her face turn yet again, this time into that of relief, as she chuckled. He did wonder, why had you looked… Almost worried when he said that? Perhaps it had something to do with the fact, that you just didn’t know what he was going to ask, giving you some anxiety unintentionally? 

 

«I… I tried but I got… An hour I think? Been up all night again, sleep is just… Eh, it’s been hard falling and staying asleep. I tried not going to sleep with Bee again, she gets very little rest when I do, and it’s better that just one of us has a hard time, rather than the both.»

«I see… Well, y’know I kind of… Freaked out last time?»

«I recall? How so?»

«Wouldn’t mind helping you fall asleep, y’know? Just didn’t know how to react, but, as is, I think it’d help you out lots. Make-up can only cover up so much.»

«… Are my dark circles really that visible?»

 

Shit, he hadn’t meant it as an insult. It was just a remark because his hyper fixated sight had taken a mental note on it!

 

«N-no, I just… If it’ll help you out, I’ll do it? Sorry if that sounded, uhm, sounded rude, but that wasn’t my intention. I just want you to get enough sleep?»

«I get that, I didn’t take it as an insult. I’m just…»

 

Suddenly you leaned on him, face pressed into his jacket.

 

«So tired… During the day I’m stressed out because of work, and when I get back home I have way too much to do. I have to clean, cook, write, read, research, be with friends, shop, and then probably clean some more. I have so much stuff I need to do, and then I’m distracted from all of the thoughts, while the stress is just building up. Then sleep time comes around and suddenly, pop! All of my worries, stress, and the like just washes over me like a flood.»

 

He wasn’t sure what to say, not sure what would be the right thing to say, so he kept quiet. Instead, thinking about how you so easily had leaned into him for comfort. Putting an arm around you, he felt the urge to start stroking up and down your arm. Which he did. 

 

«When everyone’s sleeping, I’m up worrying about things that have been, things that has just happened, things that are currently going on, and the future. The world feels like it’s slowly crushing me, the flood making me slowly drown. It’s stupid because I know there are so many people that have it way worse than me, that there are people out there who desperately need help, yet I’m the one craving attention for it.»

«It’s not a bad thing getting some help.»

«I know that Sans, it just feels wrong that I’m asking for it. Aren’t I supposed to be able to deal with this on my own? I’m an adult, I should be managing it on my own.»

«You are managing though, you’re taking action, asking for help. I think that’s pretty mature of you.»

 

You shifted beneath his hold, and looked up at him, that tired gaze still held in your eyes as you studied him.

 

«Thank you. I’m sorry if I’m worrying you with all of these things, but… I don’t know, you’re very comfortable to talk to, and I-uh… I don’t know… What about you though, you get enough sleep?»

«Got in a solid 4 hours.»

«Oof… Take better care of yourself Sans… I know this sounds extremely hypocritical but that’s just how it is sometimes. At least one of us should get some proper rest.»

«Then it should definitely be you.»

«No, you.»

«Heh, no, you.»

 

As he felt you chuckle into his side, he couldn’t help but do so too. He could live without enough sleep, he had been for years, but you had to get your 8 hours at the very least. Rubbing his arm up and down your arm, he took note of the few people walking around him.

Rather, the fact that they weren’t going the extra mile to do so. 

People were walking by, preoccupied with their own things, not even taking on a light sprint as they passed. Looking down at you, you were simply just resting, as you had closed your eyes and taken some breaths. With you around, people didn’t seem as frightened of him as they had been mere minutes ago.

Was that the effect you had on people? 

The effect of turning anything scary into the background scenery? Enough cuteness, and radiation of calm, to even fight the affect he had on people with his horrendous looks? Strange as that was, he didn’t even care a bit. No one was bothering the two of you, just living in their own little bubble of calm.

Feeling you breathe against him, the warmth of your body seeping in through his clothes, warming him as well. It was just… Beautiful? In a weird way.

When you shifted his own breathing hitched, had he done something? 

When you grabbed the cup of coffee and replaced the lid on top of it, he knew you had just gone in for the coffee. As you took a sip, no longer burning your mouth on it’s warmth, he couldn’t help but feel the slightest twitch of a smile cross his features. You were studying the people walking past, still leaning into his side, as you took sips upon sips.

 

«How did you find this place?»

 

The question didn’t make you turn to face him, as you took another sip.

 

«I walk a lot. The theatre is just over there, a friend of mine worked at the café. But really, the first time I found this place, was when I went to the bar on the left of the theatre. I know all the employees there. Or, at least I did. Haven’t been there for a while. They play live music every day, and I’d come in, grab a glass of something, and just listen to the musicians play.»

«Sounds nice.»

«Yeah, but I had to go there about… Seven or so times, before I stumbled upon this place. Had a glass of wine, and wanted to walk a different route, walked through here, and just sat down by the fountain as I waited for the tea-… I don’t know, I spent about an hour just sitting here.»

He had a feeling you were about to say something completely different, but if you didn’t want to tell, he wasn’t going to push you. You were allowed to have some secrets… For the time being that was. He did have a lifetime of figuring you out, that story could wait.

Watching you take another big sip, downing the rest of the coffee, you placed the cup on the ground with your bag. Leaning forward, you roamed through your purse, finding your phone. Checking the time, quite a few minutes had passed, it was now five minutes to 12. As you swiped off some notifications, you released yourself of his hold, and rose to your feet.

Picking up your purse, you placed the phone back in it, and picked up your empty cup.

 

«Should we walk? I know there isn’t supposed to be a lot of people there, but it’s always good to be a bit early.»

«Sure.»

 

Before he could rise to his own feet, you were off, hurrying to a nearby trash bin and disposing the cup. He wasn’t sure why, but he picked up some kind of feeling from you, that you were hiding something. Maybe it was the secret to this particular spot? Was it a bad one? Had someone hurt you here?

But as soon as the feeling came, it passed, when you took his hand and smiled up at him. The smile was real, your eyes almost twinkling as your face wrinkled the tiniest bit. Even if he’d felt your lips against him, he couldn’t help but look at them, pulled into a smile baring your teeth. Stars, he wanted to kiss you.

Right here, and now.

Putting a hand on your cheek, your smile thinned out, as if you were confused. You probably were, he’d just suddenly put his hand on your soft cheeks.

 

«What?»

 

Had it not been for the fact that his hormones were fueling him, he would’ve dropped his hand, and left in a hurry from embarrassment. But right now, you looked so utterly kissable, he couldn’t help it.

 

«Can I kiss you?»

 

A realization seemed to dawn upon you, as your smile once again returned.

 

«Of course.»

 

Leaning down, he felt your lips against his teeth. Kissing a skeleton had to be strange, but you took it in stride, putting your arms around his neck, holding him tight. A part of him wanted to just lift you up, and shortcut away, to his den, and fuck you over and over, until you both fell asleep from exhaustion. But he refrained from doing so, releasing you from his hold. 

Your hand, once again, back in his, you smiled up at him. He probably looked a bit lost, so sending you a reassuring smile back, you gently squeezed his hand, and turned your attention to the new direction you were slowly taking him to.

Even if you weren’t the shortest human being, he still had to walk significantly slower in order to keep the hold on your hand, without straining your arm. 

A tram rushed by, eliciting a screeching noise, as it turned the corner, and you stood there on the sidewalk, waiting for it to pass, along with some cars. Turning your head, side to side, you quickly leapt across the street, himself in toll, as you passed. 

Heading towards the destination, he took in the sight of the buildings, as you walked through streets. The direction you were headed in, was in a less public space, only a few shops, work places, and cafés on each side. It was quiet, out of place for a busy city such as this.

Humans were walking past, just minding their own business, as if he didn’t exist. As if he didn’t scare them. This was… Almost surreal. He was seconds away from pinching himself, when suddenly a human took note of his gaze, their face turning fearful, as he suddenly rushed off in a major hurry.

So, he hadn’t turned invisible.

No, with you by his side, he was still very visible. He just looked less terrifying with a human supervision. Someone to keep the big bad beast that he was in toll. Had it not been because it was you, he would’ve been genuinely upset. This just meant that you wouldn’t be too bothered by other humans in public space, which was a huge relief on his side.

It meant that he wouldn’t need to harm anyone in front of you for the sake of protecting you both. That you’d never see the true nightmarish creature that he was, never see all the horror and pain he’d caused to the human race. 

And so?

He was happy.

 

«It’s just up the street from here. You doing okay?»

«Hm?»

«I asked if you were okay? You got… Very quiet.»

 

Had you been talking to him? Had he been talking too? No, he would’ve felt his mouth move. Oh shit, was this the awkward silence the date book Papyrus had borrowed had been warning him about?! Had he been making you feel awkward this entire time?

 

«Oh, I’m fine, just lost in thoughts.»

«Heh, okay. Let me know though, don’t want you to get stressed out.»

«Trust me, I’m completely fine. I’m always pretty quiet. But uh- you’re really quiet today, are you sure you’re fine?»

«A bit lost in thought myself, it’s nothing to worry about.»

«What are you thinking about then?»

 

At that, you stopped walking, standing a bit off to the side, your hand still in his.

 

«This might sound… Stupid… But I was thinking a bit about that one dog we passed by. It looked super cute, and I dunno, I kept on thinking about dogs? And then I started just naming all the breeds I could think of, in my head, and then suddenly a kid walked by, and then I started thinking about my friend who had a kid just recently, and how I should call her and bring a gift for her kid, but gifts are expensive and-… The list goes on.»

«Heh, it’s not stupid, it’s super cute.»

«Glad you think so, I was afraid I was being too silent, and not talkative enough.»

«Nah, I enjoy the quiet… And listening to you talk of course. Sure, might be hard to remember everything, but I remember the most important things.»

«That’s good, but I do talk about a lot of unimportant things, so it’s fine if you don’t remember all of it.»

«What do you mean? Everything you say is important, because well, if not you wouldn’t have told me. Even if you think it might be unimportant, or whatever, it’s something that you observe, or think about, and considering you’re important to me… Well… I’m just upset I can’t remember everything you say, because I do want to.»

 

Observing you, you were staring at him, mouth slightly agape. Before your face twisted.

 

«God, you’re super cute, you know that right?»

 

Again with the compliments? Alright, but he’d toss some your way as well.

 

«Says you, the cutest human on the planet.»

«Gasp! The most handsome monster around complimented me! I must be dreaming!»

«Did you just say ‘gasp’?»

«I did, but oh my, have I finally managed to seduce the most handsome person I’ve ever seen?! Oh woe is me, I am but a simple human, a beet farmer, a commoner.»

«Since when were you a beet farme-»

«I am but a thief, and have I managed to steal your heart, my sweet prince?»

«You’re such a dork, stars.»

 

He couldn’t help but blush, the warmth in his cheeks making him a mix of embarrassed and happy. You just giggled, having unknowingly made him fall even deeper in love with you. You were a dork, but you were his dork. His soulmate. And you were just perfect.

Sticking your tongue out, you winked, and then continued dragging him off, turning into a side street, even more secluded from the public. 

Then he saw something strange. 

A line of humans, wearing strange clothes. Either strikingly strong colors, or a completely black outfit. They were dressed up, hair cut to a perfection, or messy to the point where they probably hadn’t showered or brushed their hair for a month. They were smoking, or happily chatting away with each other. 

Who were these freaks?

 

«And here we are. Seems like there’s already a line?»

 

Nodding slowly, he stared at the humans, who were looking up at him. Feeling slightly threatened by their gaze, he almost felt like grabbing you hard, growl at them until they left. But he refrained from doing so, as you left his hand, and seated yourself on a staircase.

Undyne had been contacted about this, he knew he’d told her, which meant that she’d either gotten someone to check it out, or it was under observation. It was like a sudden mental slap to his face, as he stared down at you. You were now in a world of potential danger.

If he stayed too close to you, and they were observed together, Undyne might harm you. But if left alone, you’d be a candidate for assassination. The two of you couldn’t stay here, it was too dangerous.

But he couldn’t leave either, you’d been so excited to go, and this was your date. As well as something you needed to do to finish writing your article. You were in a world of danger, yet you were sitting on that staircase so calmly, as you minded your own business, too nonchalant and naive to know what could happen.

 

«A-are you sure this is the spot?»

«Yes, I’m certain it is.»

 

You looked at your phone, probably checking the address yet again. He became hyperaware of his surroundings, staring at the people, then at the buildings, trying to spot potential foes he’d need to take down. Did he have enough magic in his system to shortcut you both away if something were to go down?

Yes, he’d eaten today, but transporting a second person took a lot more energy than just himself.

 

«Uhm… Sans?»

 

Looking down at you, you had that same worried expression on your face, whenever he’d get panicked.

«Are you oka-?»

«Do you have any food?»

 

It was considered quite rude to ask such a question, begging for food. But he needed more magic, if he had to save you.

 

«Oh! I do actually- Cinnabunny and some magic infusion water!»

 

Going through your bag, you handed it to him, as he continued to look around for potential danger. The magic that was now coursing in his soul, was a relief. Now he’d be able to keep you safe.

 

«If you were hungry, you could’ve just said so, we could’ve stopped on the way to get you some.»

«Sorry, kinda forgot.»

«That’s okay.»

 

Suddenly the line started getting less chatty, as a door opened, one by one the humans were entering the building. You took notice, and rose from your seat. As you approached the entrance, he took notice of the location. Grey doors, a sign outside showing the name of a shop. It was tiny, pottery displayed in the window.

You went inside, held the door open for him, and he was immediately hit with the smell of burning incense. He felt way too big to fit inside this shop, worried he might bump into something and break a piece of art. Yet, as the door closed behind him, your gentle smile was enough to create an aura of calm.

When you headed down a narrow staircase, even you had to bend your head down, as to not hit the ceiling. He felt enormous, as he too walked down the stairs, and saw… A black curtain. You simply pushed it aside, again standing at full height. If he jumped, he’d bump his head into the ceiling. 

Entering there was another scent lingering.

A metallic scent he’d just about recognize anywhere.

The humans were standing in an open room, surrounded by black curtains and nothing else, a table smack in the middle, with what appeared to be a note. No one was making a move, and he was confused. Why were no one reading the note?

A new set of courage set inside him, and he took a few steps towards the wooden table, and simply picked up the note. Sudden gasps made him turn his head. The humans seemed horrified, but really, he just didn’t get it?

Looking at the note it simply stated, ‘Welcome. Feel free to walk around. I will not be here for this, as the queen has demanded I not be present.’

He didn’t recognize the writing, but he seemed satisfied, as he placed the note back on the table. Heading on back to you, you had a horrified look on your face. What? Had something happened while he was reading the note?

Tapping his arm, he leaned down to you, still confused by everyones reaction.

 

«Sans, you’re not supposed to touch the art!»

 

But… It wasn’t art? It was a note, and it was meant to be read?

 

«Uh… I didn’t?»

«That paper was supposed to lie there, you can’t touch it!»

«Seriously?»

«Yes!»

 

Looking even more confused, he stared back at the note on the table, the humans expressions now turning a bit less sour, as they stared at the note themselves.

Not only that, but he’d just learnt that it wasn’t a human who’d put it on display, and monsters were pretty forward with these kinds of things. If there was a note left on a table, you were supposed to read it, not just stare at it in awe like it was some kind of valuable piece of art.

 

«It wasn’t art though.»

«Oh?»

«Yeah, I mean… I don’t know about humans, but if there’s a note left on a table, you’re supposed to pick it up? And read it?»

«So… It was just a note?»

«Yeah.»

«Oh thank god… I’m sorry I got hissy, some displays of art can be really strange…»

«Is that why no one read the note?»

«Well… We’d probably study it close, but never pick it up like you just did.»

 

Oh-kay? Strange, but no skin off his nose. It seemed as though a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders, and you took his hand. The room was barely lit, aside from the spotlight above the table, and you looked around, unsure of where the art pieces were.

The same strange thing was happening to the humans, as they looked around the room confused. 

Really?

Were humans that stupid, or were they truly too anxious to apply logic to their actions?

He felt the need to help out these poor, incompetent and frightened humans, so he was going to speak a bit louder when talking to you.

 

«When you wake up, what are you supposed to do?»

«Uh… Sans, you’re being… Kind of ominous?»

«Well, answer me. What are you supposed to do, when you wake up in the morning?»

«Get out of bed? Seriously, I don’t get your question.»

«And after that?»

«Head to the bathroom?»

 

Taking a deep breath, he took a piece of the black fabric, surrounding the small room.

 

«No, you’re supposed to draw the curtains.»

 

And then, he ripped at the curtains, resulting in the heavy fabric falling to the ground, opening up the room. 

You, and the other humans gasped as the black curtains fell, and suddenly pieces of art were displayed. The basement suddenly felt so much larger, and no longer so closed up as it’d been just seconds ago.

 

«Holy…»

 

When he caught your gaze you were staring at him, mouth agape. 

 

«How did you-?»

«The artist? They’re a monster.»

 

Whispering that last part, you continued staring at him in awe.

 

«That was insanely cool, and I’m so endlessly happy I brought you here. I don’t think anyone would’ve figured it out.»

«Really?»

«Yes, really. Don’t want to accidentally ruin the art you know, but you’re just… Wow… C’mon, let’s look at some art!»

 

Grabbing his hand, you dragged him off, looking all kinds of giddy and happy, as you came to the first art piece.

‘Dust to dust’ the plaque read. No further description was given, and it wasn’t needed, he could tell exactly what it was, smell it even. 

A ‘sculpture’, but truly it was a broken hourglass, broken in half. One of it was filled with dust, actual monster dust, while the other one contained ashes. Leaning forward, he smelled it, and his sense of smelling didn’t fail him. The other half was filled with ashes from the remains of a human.

Who the hell would put this shit on display?!

 

«Does it smell?»

«… What?»

«I asked if it smells? Since your face kind of scrunched up.»

 

You leaned forward, and sniffed the ‘art’. Your face kind of scrunched up, and you turned to look at him.

 

«I don’t know what that smell is, but it’s pretty earthy. I wonder what materials they’ve used… Glass and wood of course, but the ashes and that white powder looking substance smelled strange. The ashes is probably from a bonfire, and if it’s from the actual underground, then the wood must’ve been rotten or something. Smells kinda raunchy. I’m not even sure about what that white stuff smells like, but… is it sand perhaps?»

 

What the hell was he supposed to say? 

‘No, what you just smelled were the ashes of a human I, or some other monster, murdered in cold blood for food, and the white shit is the dust of a fallen monster that probably starved to death.’

 

«I… Don’t know.»

«Oh okay.»

 

Fuck, he was nauseous. Even the heavy smell of incense he’d smelled but seconds ago, now overpowered by the disgusting scent of death.

Watching you scribble down notes, you leaned in on the art piece, and looked at it. Stars, he was going to hurl. You were never supposed to see shit like this. Never mind he saw it, because he’d seen it so often, but you were supposed to be a safe haven that’d never see this crap.

Turning to look around the room, he saw humans ‘ooing’ and ‘aweing’ at the displays, not realizing that the things they were seeing were more literal than they’d thought. That the art pieces were recreated with actual dead sentient beings.

 

«Okay, next one!»

 

You didn’t know, you couldn’t know.

Couldn’t smell it with the overpowering scent of incense, your human nose never trained to even smell the iron, and rot, he could smell. This was disgusting. 

This entire ‘exhibition’ of so-called art, a mockery. 

It was like someone was flipping the bird at humanity, for not knowing, because how could they know?! It was a secret only shared among monsters, a damn dirty one too, and yet the monster had chosen to display what they’d done to the humans, what humans had done to them, as if it was nothing.

 

«This one is called ‘Starving for attention’. Wow…»

 

Fuck.

This one was even more disgusting than the last one.

The sick fuck had decided to fucking glue monster dust onto a black painted canvas, shaped out a monster, probably the same exact one who’d died. He wanted to ruin the art, burn the ‘art pieces’, in fact, just break every single thing they’d dared put on display.

 

«And there’s a poem too! You think I can pick it up? Since it’s a note and all?»

 

Stars, he needed to get you out of this place. Your innocence was hurting his soul. You didn’t know what he’d done. 

 

«… It’s a note.»

«Okay! So… ‘She came to me, hungry. She begged for scraps, hungry. She’d do anything for me, hungry. So I turned her to art’. Huh… I don’t get it, but… Oh! Maybe the monster is the woman in this painting!»

 

Quite a lot more literally than you’d ever have thought.

The monster in the painting kind of looked like- Oh fuck.

Like one of the bunny girls he’d seen in Snowdin.

 

Clenching his jaw together, he felt the anger and magic bubbling inside him.

 

This sick fuck had murdered someone, used their dust to create this painting.

 

«Next one! ‘Death is sweet’. This one is… Strange… Pretty abstract actually.»

 

To the innocence of your eyes perhaps, but he could smell it.

A single piece of monster candy, not even that.

It was just the wrapper, placed around what he could smell was something human. 

An eyeball perhaps?

 

It was sealed shut in a display of glass, and he was now sure that he’d find out who this sick fuck was, and kill them, slowly.

 

«Are you… Are you alright Sans?»

«Wh-what?»

«You’re very quiet, and you look… Well, if you were human I’d say constipated, but?»

«I-uh… No, if I’m being honest with you, I’m not entirely fine.»

«Oh… Is it the low ceiling? I just need to find the one dedicated to you, and then we can leave!»

 

Shit.

Fuck.

He’d entirely forgotten about that. 

What the hell had this sick fuck prepared for him?

 

Releasing your hold on his hand, you wandered off, quickly skimming through the art pieces, and he felt himself beginning to panic. What would you find? What the hell were you going to find, and how could he salvage your relationship, if you found out?!

 

It didn’t take long until you’d returned, shaking your head.

 

«Couldn’t find it… Maybe it wasn’t finished? We can leave now if you’d like?»

 

Thank the universe.

Putting a hand on his ribs, he let out a sigh. Glad you hadn’t found it. Your innocence was still intact, and there was no need to give a half hearted explanation as to what you’d seen.

Just as you were about to walk up the stairs, you stopped still at a sudden loud voice.

 

«There’s another room!»

 

Oh shi-!

Turning around, you smiled, excited and almost giddy, as all the humans started walking towards the room, Sans in toll. ‘Saving the best piece for last?’ He thought morbidly, as he too entered the room.

Letting the door close behind him, he heard a sudden ‘click’, but thought nothing of it, as his gaze was transfixed to the item displayed in the middle of the tiny room.

 

His old cleaver.

 

Old bloodstains, rust, sharpened edge.

 

He thought he’d thrown it into the fiery pits of Hotland before he left for the surface. But no, it stood there, on display, bright as day, as people were looking at it. It was a murder weapon, and yet no one seemed to flick an eyelid at it.

For now it was harmless, but back in the underground, he’d used it to murder humans as if it was nothing. Chopped of limbs here and there, blood staining the snow, as he laughed giddily at the victim who’d suffered.

Covering his mouth, he walked forward, pushed through the crowd.

The plaque read ‘Sans’.

There was a note. 

 

‘I knew you’d come, knew you of all monsters would find out, knew you’d be back for this. Help me finish my final art piece. They’re here for you.’

 

Looking around the room, he saw the humans.

They were strange looking.

Humans no one would miss.

Quite possibly loners, outcasts.

They were cattle, just waiting for slaughter.

 

«What’s it say?»

 

Then there was you.

What if he hadn’t met you? You would’ve gone no matter what. He’d never have known, never reported it to Undyne, which meant that the sick fuck would’ve finished the job himself. Would’ve attempted recreating the slaughter he’d had to perform and endure in the Underground.

This recreation was… Sickening.

The cleaver would never hurt anyone again, he decided then and there. Picking it up, the humans gasped.

 

«Sir- I do not think you’re supposed to be touching that!»

«Sir!»

«Please unhand the art piece, at once!»

 

Taking one look at you, your eyebrows were scrunched together, trying to read him. You looked unsure, considering he had just done stuff he wouldn’t typically be allowed to do at an art gallery.

One of the humans grabbed his arm, a lady.

 

«Please put it back down! Even if the artist isn’t here, that doesn’t mean you can just touch it and play around with it!»

 

About to push her off from the sudden contact, you stepped in, pulling her hand off of him.

 

«Excuse me, but I think he knows what he’s doing.»

«He could’ve ruined the display with his carelessness, he should put it back down!»

«Like he shouldn’t have picked up the note, or pulled down the curtains? He knows what’s going on, far better than any of us.»

 

The lady was glaring at you, but quickly stepped off. 

Defending him? That was so cute, especially considering he was the one holding the weapon.

A part of him wanted to hurt the lady who’d just touched him, but the thought was quickly dismissed as he saw the last piece of art.

‘The Royal Butchers’

Blank canvas.

Meant to be painted. With something he’d never do.

 

Growling, he clenched his teeth together, raised the cleaver at the canvas, and struck the bricked wall. Over and over, as the metal scraped, and sparks flickered. Over and over, as sudden screams were heard. Ignoring the outside world, he wrecked the canvas, using his cleaver, dulling the blade, flickers of the metal and wall falling off.

One last strike and the handle broke, the head falling to the floor with loud clanks. The room was painfully quiet now, and he stared at the blade, and the broken handle held tight in his fists. He breathed heavily, his anger taken out on the canvas and the wall beneath.

Turning his head over his shoulder, he saw the humans staring. But his one eye light was solely focused on you. Your hand was over your mouth as you… Visibly shuddered. Then he heard a clap. 

Just as suddenly the room was filled with claps, even a wolf whistle, as he found himself confused.

 

«Brilliant!»

«I didn’t even realize!»

«Oh I love myself some fantastic performance art! So well crafted too, they even got a monster to play the part!»

 

What?

Suddenly he was pulled into a tight hug.

 

«That was amazing Sans! Did you make the exhibit?»

«What? No-I,»

«So you co-ordinated this with the artist?»

«No-»

«Then the note said to destroy the canvas?»

 

… Sure, he’d roll with that for now.

At least until he was ready to explain it to you.

 

«Uh… Sure?»

 

Smiling up at him, your hands moved fast, pushing his skull up in your face, and your lips were on his. Dropping the handle to the ground, he didn’t know what to do. Completely and utterly stuck. But just as quick as it’d come, you were done kissing him.

 

«Still wanna leave?»

«More than anything.»

 

Giggling, he saw your form leaving, and he quickly followed. He sure as hell didn’t want to stay in this disgusting basement anymore, surrounded by remains of monsters and humans alike. Even if this exhibit was a disgraced, he’d pretty much just defecated on it, not only not going through with the artists wishes, but also kissing his own soulmate, his human.

 

«Oh hey, did you want frozen yoghurts… Or?»

«Sure.»

 

—————

 

After the second date, he’d gone home, soul full of care, love and hope. His brother had even commented on him looking healthier than ever. He felt healthy. Felt like he was one of those health nut humans, who ate dark chocolate and kale, jogged three times a day, was a yoga instructor, and kept away from all things that would be considered ‘bad’ for someone’s body. Felt like he could run a marathon, and genuinely win.

Was to his displeasure though, when he found his notebook, and saw what he’d forgotten.

Outlined in big letters, it said ‘Confess your fucking feelings you idiot, don’t pussy out!’. Right… He was supposed to tell you that he’d fallen fast, heavy and hard for you. Sure, he’d been close to saying something along the lines in the duration of your date, which ended with the two of you getting frozen yoghurts.

You’d even let him finish yours!

Stars above, he held so much adoration for you, and the gentle burn that was the feeling made him feel like an excited child. He felt serenity, peace like he’d never felt before. His cheeks were glowing oh-so delicately, and for once, he seemed to forget all the horrors of the world, as though they hadn’t been up in his face just hours back.

He still needed to call Undyne, shout at her that the disgusting twerp needed to be punished for his crimes against not only humans, but also monster kind. Who was that guy, who was this rancid mess of fucker, thinking that this was okay?!

Sure, humans wouldn’t be able to tell, which the exhibition had been intended for. But what if he hadn’t showed, what if the sick fucker had murdered those humans? Knowing you, and your loving roommate, people would’ve cared. Someone cared about you. 

Which would’ve resulted in a huge police investigation, until they eventually found that place, their dogs sniffing out the human remains, finding both ashes and dust. Either it would’ve brought upon more hatred for the monsters, maybe ensuing another war, or they’d have found out the monsters damned dirty secrets, and then… Particularly his.

Then he’d have no chance with you.

But maybe you wouldn’t mind? They had been desperate after all, and not a day passes without him wearing the guilt on his shoulders like a huge 2-ton boulder. He regret it, but what else could he have done? There wasn’t any food, the core didn’t work, the attempts they made to grow crops destroyed by the soured soil.

There was no say in it, and even if he wanted there to be another option, so desperately, at the time, there’d been none. He paid the price every single day. 

 

Every… Single… Day.

 

Right now wasn’t the time to dwell on these thoughts, no, he had a task to do. Lying in bed, he picked up his phone, and opened it up, hovering over the call ID. It was late. Almost midnight. Maybe you’d finally managed to fall asleep, and him calling you would wake you up? 

A part of his mind reasoned with him, if all went well tonight, then he might be able to go through with the ‘cuddling’ you’d requested. 

His phalange inched closer, until another part of his mind, not so gently reminded him of what would happen if it went bad.

The thoughts were suddenly streaming, but his hormone fueled body and soul put an end to them at once.

You were you, for crying out loud! You were fair, kind, and just. You were patient, especially with him. Seemed like ages ago he’d accused you of being a whore, and now? Now you were dating. He could probably say whatever, and you still wouldn’t hate him!

Perhaps that was what aided him, not just the soulmate thing, but also the fact that you, were so perfectly you. You stood up for him, you picked him up when he was down, you cared for him, like no one ever had before. He could already see your smile, remember each and every imperfection in the skin you’d shown, rand his hands through your hair, smelled your natural scent.

Letting out a hot breath, he kept reminding himself, of who you were.

That it could never go wrong.

Because even if it did, you wouldn’t let it. 

Even if you didn’t feel the exact same way, you’d just look at him with those beautiful eyes of yours, and tell him, that they needed to spend more time together. 

Though, he seriously doubted it. Because… You loved him? Right? You’d even said so. You had actually said you loved him, and now he just needed to say it back. Return those feelings. Make you feel good, protect you from harm, and hold you tight.

Pressing down on the call button, it took but three rings before you answered.

 

«Hey? What’s up?»

 

Swallowing, it was now or never.

 

«Hey, uhh… I was wondering about something.»

«… Yes? Are you alright?»

«Oh- yes? Yes, I’m fine, it’s just…»

 

He needed to say this in person. 

Couldn’t be that guy who confessed over the phone to his soulmate, what kind of romantic story would that make for? ‘Yeah, when he confessed to me I was in the bathroom taking a piss, so romantic!’, no… That would definitely not be their fucking story, he swore.

 

«I was wondering if… If you’d like to go on a midnight walk?»

«Sure, where to?»

 

Fuck, where to?

Aside from that fountain, he didn’t really know any romantic locations. Why had he been so stupid as to not look this up beforehand?!

 

«Erh… I dunno, I just need to clear my head, get something off my mind. Would… Would you be ready to meet in about… Let’s see here-»  
Checking his phone, he saw that it was 11.17 PM. Almost midnight. Wait… Wouldn’t it be romantic to confess at midnight? Somewhere where they were alone, yet could see the city, all the way to the ocean? Yes, he knew just the right spot now.

 

«At 11.30? I’ll come pick you up?»

«Sure, just let me get dressed, are we going far?»

«Not too far from your place actually, just up the hill. Is what I was thinking at least…? Unless you… You-uh have somewhere else you’d like to walk?»

«Nah, that sounds good Sans, I’ll come downstairs after I’ve redressed!»

 

Shit, had you been naked?

While you were talking to him?

A flood of thoughts of you lying naked on your bed, were now on his mind, and his breath almost hitched when you kept speaking.

 

«Okay, I’ll see you soon Sans, love you, bye!»

«Bye! Lo-»

 

But you’d already hung up. Alright, it was fine, you were going to see each other soon so anyways, and he’d say it then. Feeling almost childishly giddy, he pocketed his phone, and was about to move out of his bedroom, when he ran straight into his brother.

Wasn’t Papyrus supposed to be sleeping by now? 

 

«Sans? Where Are You Going?»

«I’m-uh… I’m… Going out? No- I’m getting a midnight snack.»

 

Papyrus looked at him, and he could feel the sweat starting to form. Wait, why was he lying to his brother about going to see you? He knew all about you, and he was a grown monster, he didn’t need to lie about going to see his soulmate!

 

«You Really Don’t Need To Lie To Me About Going To See Your Soulmate… Do You Remember The Training Bra?»

«… Please don’t remind me.»

«Well, You Did Perform Rather Well. I Suppose Your Rompus Session With Her Will Be At Least Somewhat Successful-»

«Oh my stars, Papyrus!»

 

Sans was perfectly glowing now, the blush covering almost the entirety of his skull.

 

«You can’t just say that!»

«What? Rompus? You’d Rather Me Call It Sex?»

«No! Just… Just don’t say anything, holy fuck…»

«OH! Am I Being A ‘Cockblock’ As Humans Say?»

«… Please stop talking.»

«Alright. Have A Good Breeding Session Dear Brother!»

 

He wanted to curl into a fetal position and perish. Papyrus could just vacuum up his dust in the morning.

 

«… Thank you, bye.»

 

And so he shortcut to the outside of your building.

 

The air was cool, almost freezing against his heated bones, the drop in temperature sending a chill up his spine. It was so quiet in your street now, no cars were driving, but if he listened closely, he could hear taxi’s driving in the distance. Sitting down on the tables outside of the bakery on your first floor, he waited.

If he was going to manage to confess to you, he needed to be a whole lot calmer than he was at the moment. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled, watching as a little leaf blew in the wind. His soul was racing a mile a minute and everything felt… Well, it didn’t feel bad, but he was lightly shaking from the anxiety.

A pressure added on his sternum as he kept breathing, and tried not to think about the fact that he was going to tell you that he was in love with you. Clearing his mind, he attempted to reach a certain tranquility.

But as it was, when the door to your building suddenly opened, and a loud metallic click went off, he jumped. Rising quickly to his feet, his anxiety spiked, his hand soon went to his chest and he sighed, seeing as it was just you.

Adorned in just seemingly casual clothes, and a thick cardigan. You appeared surprised to see him, but changed into more of a happy calmer look in just a second.

 

«You sure you don’t live close by? You’re always here so fast.»

«I… Was already out walking, had some things on my mind… Like I said.»

«That’s what midnight walks are for!»

 

Smiling at him, he felt himself smile back, as he went in for a kiss.

Only for him to barely kiss the side of your mouth.

Had he aimed wrong?

Did he misinterpret your touch policy?

 

«Uh… You okay?»

 

Was it suddenly not alright to kiss you? Or were you just too tired for kisses?

 

«Yeah, uh, sorry, I’m just in a poor mood, y’know? Will probably improve soon… But we can still hold hands, if you want to?»

 

Hell, yes. 

How was that even a question?

He was an absolute slut for your touches, be it a hug or just holding your hand.

 

«We’re going up the hill right?»

 

You said, as you dragged him off quickly. Why were you in such a hurry? Maybe you were tired… Well, he knew that at least. It was late, and you hadn’t slept the previous night. But you wouldn’t have agreed if it was making you feel terrible.

As the two of you walked, a bit hurriedly, through the streets, with you occasionally looking out for cars, you were making it to the park with the tall hill. Waiting for the lights to turn green, a couple taxis passing, you made it to the other side, and you sighed heavily.

Something was wrong.

 

«Are you sure you’re alright? You can tell me y’know?»

«Just really hate hills.»

«I don’t believe that’s just it.»

«Well… I… I think… I’ll tell you, but not now. If that’s alright?»

«Sure, but you’ll tell me, okay?»

«Okay.»

 

The rest of the walk was spent in silence, as the two of you walked through the dimly lit forest paths, up the hill, with you dragging him along the way. 

What could possibly be wrong?

Did someone… Do something?

Or were you just grumpy from being tired?

He needed to know.

 

As soon as you passed the house on the top of the hill, your hurried pace slowed, almost to a break, and his arm suddenly felt like it wasn’t going to be ripped off. Slowly, you let go of his hand, as you steadily walked forward.

In the middle of the top, was a fountain, with no water. No calming trickling water, but it’s not like he minded. The buzz of the busy inner city life was still present, but everything seemed to be more… Quiet.

Calmer.

Just as if the world had stopped and there was only the two of you. He watched you move ahead of him, sitting down on a green bench smack in the middle. Your face held little to no emotion, but as he approached you, it was as though your eyes were literally twinkling at the sight.

Sitting down next to you, he stared out at the scenery.

Large buildings were littered everywhere, rooftops adorning the sight for miles, but the ocean? It seemed closer than ever. He could see lights, see the beautiful sea, and if not for the light pollution, he might've seen the gorgeous twinkling stars too.

Almost breathless, the two of you sat there, staring.

 

«Wow… It really is just as beautiful up here at night as I imagined.»

«It truly is. Wait- You’ve not been up here during your midnight walks?»

 

Looking at you, you were staring back.

 

«No… I’ve been saving this place for a special moment, but I’ve always wanted to go.»

 

It was as though his soul was about to burst out of his chest. You thought this place was special? And you’d agreed to go with him? Never mind your previous moot mood, he was insanely happy, and you’d made him feel exactly that way by just saying that.

 

«Well… I’m glad I can share this with you then.»

«I should be the one that’s glad Sans, thank you for walking here with me. I’m sorry I’ve been in such a… Poor mood. I’m just… So unsure.»

«About what?»

«Life. If the choices I make are the right ones, if I’m fucking up something by just looking at it, you know, the usual.»

 

Yeah… He knew that feeling all too well.

Gently putting an arm around you, it felt so… Natural to just do so, and even better when you leaned into him as well.

If he could, he’d just sit here for hours and watch, watch until the sun rose. See the gorgeous light adorn your precious skin, feel your warmth as you huddled up to him, watch as you got sleepier from staying up all night with him, to the point where he’d need to carry you home. He would. 

After everything that’s happened, from just the short time of knowing you, he’d fallen oh-so deeply in love with you, his world shifting and changing around him. He couldn’t die now, he had to take care of you!

 

«Hey… I… I have something I need to say.»

«Yeah?»

 

Just from looking at you, as you looked at him like a precious baby doe, he felt himself get so insanely nervous. One part screaming to go for it, and the other to run away.

 

«Can I kiss you first?»

«Heh- sure Sans.»

 

Cupping your cheeks, he felt the coldness that the wind had provided onto your soft cheeks. Leaning forward, he gave a slow peck. His intent behind that kiss was through the roof, and although it wasn’t a long lasting, tongue wrecking kiss, it was one filled to the brim with emotions he held in his soul.

If you’d been a monster, you’d have known, might’ve even burst into tears. But no, since you, his soulmate, was human, he needed to use his words.

 

«The thing is…»

«Yes…?»

«I know… That we haven’t exactly known each other for a long time.»

«So…?»

«A-and so… Fuck, this might be a bit too soon, but that’s how it is with monsters, we can be pretty straight forward people, y’know? But in the short span of time I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve learnt a lot about you, and quite a bit about me, and…»

 

You stared at him, an unreadable expression on your face.

 

«D-do you know what a soul is?»

«Uhm… Yes? It’s… You, I guess? In a spiritual sense.»

«W-well… I-uh… For monsters, it’s a bit more literal. It’s very similar, but for us, it’s more of a… A physical thing.»

«That’s very interesting!»

«Heh- I’m glad you think so, because… Uhm…»

 

Stars, why was this so hard?!

 

«Because, for monsters… We kind of uh… Have this thing called… Soulmates?»

«Like… Someone you just immediately click with?»

«Exactly! And uh… Y-you’re… You’re my soulmate. And I kind of…»

 

Another sigh, his nerves were just shot. 

 

 

 

«I’m in love with you.»

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwww, he loves you!!! <3333
> 
> I did say this would be a fluffy chapter did I not? Angst time is over, now it's just sweetness <3333
> 
>  
> 
> I hope yall liked this chapter! If you're over +18 and got your birth date or age in your description, go on ahead and follow me on Twitter @Nonfigurativt!!! 
> 
>  
> 
> (I'm doing a bit better, but I've still been very preoccupied, and am still stressed tf out, so… Have this.)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys like it! Lemme know!! ♡♡♡
> 
> If you want an update on this, or any of my other ficlets, you can follow me on Twitter, and know immediately when I update:
> 
> https://twitter.com/Nonfigurativt


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